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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1764 comments. Post your own!

massacre said...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 2:53 pm:
That just might be the BEST fanfiction that I have EVER read. Ever.
 
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Khristina said...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 5:33 pm:
This is fantastically hilarious! I love it. :)
 
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TabbiJaneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 7, 2011 at 8:06 am:
This is fantastic. SO FUNNY! Love it!!
 
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lightanddark said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 6:31 pm:
um, i love this.
 
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Black_dragon_x3 said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 10:35 am:
OMG this just made my day!!!! That was hilarious!!!!!!! You should do some more with other films!!!!
 
KajaKing replied...
May 5, 2011 at 5:27 pm :
I'm with you, this is making my dark day much lighter.
 
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x13xliv4luvx29x said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 10:35 am:
This is so funny and it is true it is basically a nice summary of the series :)
 
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Foxx14This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 2:15 pm:
I can't stop laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahahaha, i want more!
 
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crlygrl13579 said...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 10:43 am:
Not really funny in any way mainly due to the fact that anyone could've made it and there's nothing especially good about it.
 
ButterflyGirl1313 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 9, 2011 at 11:44 am :
i agree. Nothing really special and it isn't very funny. 
 
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thissux said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 10:47 pm:
this is the worst parody ever. Do you have any originality?? You basically just stole the script of vampires suck and made it worse than it already was. Good job.
 
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LaurenE. said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 9:33 pm:
Oh my goodness this just made my day. *laughs*
 
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caedanse said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm:
I don't like Twilight, but this really wasn't that funny.
 
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Maddog357 said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 2:19 pm:
ahahahhaahhahahahhahahhahahhaha that was soooooooooooooooo funny
 
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CWells_521 said...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 9:17 am:
This is hilarious. I never thought of Twilight in this way before but I love it even more. :)
 
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Suicide said...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 8:40 am:

Haha this is soo funny. I hope you write more like it.

 

-Crystal

 
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EMOcupcake said...
Mar. 29, 2011 at 7:57 pm:
xD You, sir, are a brilliant comedian. I would love to see more~
 
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kkayla3897 said...
Mar. 28, 2011 at 8:15 pm:
It's amazing how many times I can read this, and it never gets old. You need to do this on other books!!! I'd totally read them.
 
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LizKolze said...
Mar. 26, 2011 at 9:58 pm:
i love the twilight saga and im laughing my ass off right now you're a good writer!
 
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Enjeru said...
Mar. 25, 2011 at 12:28 pm:
Most epic piece of literature EVER.
 
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