The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1910 comments.


on Jun. 29 2011 at 2:56 pm
StarGazer453 SILVER, Somewhere In A State, Massachusetts
7 articles 3 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
A room without books is like a body without a soul. ~Cicero
My best friend is someone who gives me a book I have not yet read. ~President Abraham Lincoln
The one who smiles when things go wrong has thought if someone to blame it on. ~Robert Bloch

That was absolutely hysterical.  *applause*

on Jun. 28 2011 at 11:47 pm
ShyWriting42 BRONZE, Mesquite, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

that was really funny:D

on Jun. 28 2011 at 11:17 pm
Gereldine5 SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
5 articles 9 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Save the Drama for Your Llama

this=epic win. Thank you, for saving the countless lives of people out there who would haveto be scared for life from reading the books. Legit Win! ;D

on Jun. 28 2011 at 1:33 pm
LittleTeapot13, Coconut Creek, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I didn't kill him, the bullet did. Therefore I am innocent." - Unknown

Lol it should have been something like 

BELLA: "Edward! Do me!"

EDWARD: "NO! ...Ok. Oooh Pillow! Nomnomnom"

JACOB: "Necrophilia! EWW!"


Skemo18 SILVER said...
on Jun. 28 2011 at 8:32 am
Skemo18 SILVER, Hamilton, New Jersey
5 articles 6 photos 6 comments
lmao that was actually funny . nice job!!

on Jun. 27 2011 at 3:18 pm
SaritaFajita BRONZE, Arlington, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
- In your anger do not sin.
Psalm 4:4

- "Love the life you live, live the life you love." -bob marley.

This is LEGIT!(:

You've saved so many people from having to read all 4 of the books! ;D


on Jun. 26 2011 at 12:19 pm
charlizdris SILVER, Raleigh, North Carolina
9 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." ~Forest Gump

Genius You are HILARIOUS

on Jun. 25 2011 at 9:29 pm
OneInParticular1017, Greenwood, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don’t you know? Hearts are breakable. And I think even when you heal, you’re never what you were before. -City of Fallen Angels
Either love me with vomit in my hair or don't love me at all. -Ryan O'Connell, Thought Catalog

Hahahaha hilarious! I love Twilight and all, but seriously- NAILED IT.

renni SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2011 at 12:03 pm
renni SILVER, Crete, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes, that girl who seems so strong, who never lets what people say bother her, who smiles and laughs with her friends all the time, is really the girl who, deep down, is falling to pieces.

i loved this :D i really loved the line "Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!"

stargazer816 said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 9:41 pm
that is so funny!

on Jun. 24 2011 at 1:26 pm
snailkisses PLATINUM, Malden, Massachusetts
31 articles 14 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"so you're tired of living, and you feel like you might give in? well don't. it's not your time." - a better place a better time // streetlight manifesto

this is.. wow. amazing. <3

on Jun. 24 2011 at 12:10 pm
TheSilverLaurel GOLD, Goole, Other
13 articles 0 photos 70 comments
this is the funniest thing i have ever read!

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:45 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

whoooooooooooooooo!!

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:44 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

i loved this soo much

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:44 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

However, this is hilarious and exactly the truth of what happened.. lol i appreciate you posting this! <3'd it!!

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:43 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

im posting comments to win over him her and the receptionist XP

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:43 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

oky.. ill b honest

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:42 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

soooooooooooooo funny

NeVassa GOLD said...
on Jun. 24 2011 at 11:42 am
NeVassa GOLD, Ft. Belvoir, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Oh god I was a stupid twelve year old

amazing.. loved it... :D

on Jun. 22 2011 at 10:31 pm
queennels17 PLATINUM, Wellington, Florida
21 articles 8 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
The sun is out but it's still dark outside.

This was actually really funny even though I'm a twilight fan. Impressive!


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