The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1894 comments. Post your own now!

QueenIsland123This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 6, 2016 at 9:48 pm
This is so funny! I was laughing the whole way through it. Please can you make more
DragonFableGirl said...
Mar. 3, 2016 at 6:28 pm
LOL I'm lke, laughing my head off right now!! I haven't even finished the first book, and I loooooovvveeee this!! Post more FanFic plays!! Do one of Harry Potter, InuYasha, or the Hunger Games1
SamJay said...
Feb. 26, 2016 at 9:55 pm
lol, this how the movie was pretty much.
sabbylynnThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 26, 2016 at 7:15 pm
hahahaha laughed my butt off so funny this is so true it's not even funny you should consider making more of these!!
Kara_case said...
Feb. 13, 2016 at 6:22 pm
This is my favorite thing, it's so funny. I've read all the books and seen the movies and this never fails to make me laugh.
EmmaBelle said...
Feb. 12, 2016 at 1:55 pm
This will never not be my favorite fan fiction. Best. Thing. Ever.
black.blood said...
Jan. 26, 2016 at 2:59 pm
I've read all the books, and I've watched all the movies. I like none. But this summary, had me falling out of my chair. Thank you so much for sharing this brilliant piece!
Izamaniac said...
Jan. 22, 2016 at 9:16 am
Haha, never read the books, but read a small part, sounds pretty much what happened (that small part was the end of the book, not big on romances).
The_Book_Thief said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 2:59 pm
I think this is an accurate summary of the plot without wasting as much paper.
Crystal_June replied...
Jan. 21, 2016 at 6:34 pm
I agree. It is pretty much what happened.
Quaviondre_Williams said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 11:28 am
Hilarious! And it really did sum everything up lol
EmmaMayWang said...
Dec. 31, 2015 at 5:02 am
Haha I loved this!
BloomingRaine15 said...
Dec. 30, 2015 at 4:38 am
I just truly love this
Funkyman said...
Dec. 3, 2015 at 9:36 am
This is nice.
RatherNotSay said...
Nov. 21, 2015 at 1:07 pm
Yes. Just yes. :)
OverratedKilljoy said...
Nov. 19, 2015 at 9:53 am
I would give every penny I have to see this.
LordGaben said...
Nov. 18, 2015 at 1:42 pm
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LordGaben said...
Nov. 18, 2015 at 1:40 pm
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ScarlettJ. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 17, 2015 at 12:08 pm
Hahaha, this was great!! As much as I big enjoy the series, I also enjoy things such as this. Great job!
wizad said...
Nov. 17, 2015 at 7:44 am
haha its pertty funny
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