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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

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This article has 1799 comments. Post your own now!

FyndFyre said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Ha! Amazing!
The_Quiet_GirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 10:10 am
Wow.....I had to struggle to keep myself from laughing in the middle of accounting class.
Angel8645 said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 9:24 am
This is sooooooo funny!!! My friends and I do parodies and stuff like this all the time =)
FieryAngel said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 9:05 am
since i am in school i got A LOT of wierd looks cuz i couldnt stop laughing i love this sooooooooo true
BlueSunset said...
Sept. 26, 2012 at 4:11 am
Absolutely fantastic! You're very talented! x
Heather173 said...
Sept. 23, 2012 at 5:48 pm
GreyNanD said...
Sept. 17, 2012 at 2:46 pm
FreelanceGirl said...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 6:19 pm
I laughed way more than was probably appropriate . . . this is soo funny!!! And the pathetic part is, it's completely true. I kinda want to get some of my friends to do this with me now! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS!!!!!!!!
RavenFlight said...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm
omg this is hillarious
TickTockBANG said...
Sept. 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm
This gave me giggles :D
Thatdaydreamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 8:40 am
aha this is so funny!
Santos said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:21 am
Lawl That's so right! LuL
RandiRose said...
Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm
Ahaha very good! Check out my "Skylar West and the Seven Runaways" A Modern Snow White Story!
ShelbyLala said...
Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm
i love everything
HorseGirl06 said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm
you write much better than stephanie meyer :P good job, i love it(:
ShelbyRoo19967170 said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Omg....this is SOOOOO funny!! XD Double thumbs up!!
MaeSilver said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:20 am
Oh jeeze, too great!
MakeMyWaffles said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm
nice lol.
LongLazyDays55 said...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm
Ok, I'll admit I haven't read Twilight. YET. But I've seen a bit of the movie. This was so cool and I'd love if it became a film. Keep writing! :)
ladybugsrock said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm

wowthat a great story!! please rwd my novel, A Journey Far From Home! Thank You!!


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