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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1768 comments. Post your own!

albinotiger said...
Jun. 25, 2012 at 10:31 am:
do u know how many hours i wasted reading the books when i could of read this!!
 
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RileyMo said...
Jun. 24, 2012 at 9:39 am:
Ha! I love this! No one realizes that all Twilight is, is a creepy love story! This really was a day maker for me!! 
 
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MadameElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm:
Just about the best thing ever! I think I just died!
 
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earthhashope said...
Jun. 8, 2012 at 7:05 am:

So very true!!!!!

:) :)

 
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Filero said...
Jun. 8, 2012 at 4:38 am:
hahaha'd the whole time XD Make 1 of the hunger games?
 
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PeaceAndLove98 said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:47 am:
Lol that was hilarious. Awesome job! XD
 
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ToraNoKage said...
Jun. 5, 2012 at 11:55 am:
Haha that was amazing!
 
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nebraskagirl2178 said...
May 31, 2012 at 7:59 am:
Best. Thing. Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!That is hilarious on sooo many levels!!!!!!!!
 
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Kendall B. said...
May 28, 2012 at 9:00 pm:
I think I love you. That was the best Twighlight story I have ever read and I respect you SO much!
 
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readerwriter13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm:
This is great! Its so funny! Awesome job! Do more!
 
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KamanaFoxThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 27, 2012 at 10:32 am:
Hilarious! You have to do more with this.
 
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nemish23 said...
May 27, 2012 at 3:54 am:

That was possibly the funniest thing I've ever read in my life!!!!!!!!

I love it, it's amazing. LOL.

 
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EmoArtista said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:28 pm:
This was HILARIOUS!!! You should make a trailer out of this
 
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Darbs1325 said...
May 17, 2012 at 8:01 pm:
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! XD!!!! wow!!! I was about off my chair laughing!!!! XD
 
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SamsQThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 6:07 pm:
lols that totally hilarious and a perfect understanding about what happened. I'd love to see it as a play or video or whatever. Anyways its awesome :)
 
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TheDoubtMachine said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:36 pm:
Hilarious!! 
 
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EmmyCherry said...
May 17, 2012 at 12:21 pm:
This was hilarious and a great summary of all four books! Loved it :).
 
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M@dH@TT3R said...
May 17, 2012 at 10:01 am:

Lmao xD

this is awsome

I'd like to see this as a video too!! :3

 
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MoonstDaughterZeenyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17, 2012 at 7:17 am:
I love it its amazing 
 
BigBallaJohnathanW replied...
May 17, 2012 at 2:24 pm :
hey my mom likes these so i have to watch them a lot
 
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