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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1771 comments. Post your own!

RavenFlight said...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 3:07 pm:
omg this is hillarious
 
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TickTockBANG said...
Sept. 4, 2012 at 4:05 pm:
This gave me giggles :D
 
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Thatdaydreamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 8:40 am:
aha this is so funny!
 
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Santos said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:21 am:
Lawl That's so right! LuL
 
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RandiRose said...
Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm:
Ahaha very good! Check out my "Skylar West and the Seven Runaways" A Modern Snow White Story!
 
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ShelbyLala said...
Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm:
i love everything
 
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HorseGirl06 said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm:
you write much better than stephanie meyer :P good job, i love it(:
 
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ShelbyRoo19967170 said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm:
Omg....this is SOOOOO funny!! XD Double thumbs up!!
 
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MaeSilver said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:20 am:
Oh jeeze, too great!
 
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MakeMyWaffles said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm:
nice lol.
 
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LongLazyDays55 said...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm:
Ok, I'll admit I haven't read Twilight. YET. But I've seen a bit of the movie. This was so cool and I'd love if it became a film. Keep writing! :)
 
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ladybugsrock said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm:

wowthat a great story!! please rwd my novel, A Journey Far From Home! Thank You!!

 

 
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La..di da...la... said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm:
I like this a lot! Showed mother... And sis... They liked it to. Mother interrupted my reading and we raced to read next lines.... I won..... She won...... I won....and so on.... You should check out a poem about snow called Mistress of the Ice Flowers... :D
 
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JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm:
OMG! This is halarious. I meam I'm a Twi-Hard but the way this dumbs the series down is so funny.  Love it!
 
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kindlegirl said...
Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:24 am:
Dude it's awesome thx for not making oit so drama attached as the real Twilight saga. Congrats
 
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sallysunshine said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
 
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KestrelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm:
Funny! I hated Twilight, so i agree.
 
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Nemaidez said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 9:15 pm:
I read this to my English class & they thought it was amazing, it really is hilarious! :) Thnx.
 
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BlackRosePetalz said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 1:27 am:
Heh...I chuckled. :) I'd love to see this play acted out. And I agree with one of these comments: your next one should be the Hunger Games.
 
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AbbyOliver6 said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm:
LOL!!!!!! SO FUNNY!!!!
 
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