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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1769 comments. Post your own!

Thatdaydreamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 3, 2012 at 8:40 am:
aha this is so funny!
 
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Santos said...
Aug. 31, 2012 at 11:21 am:
Lawl That's so right! LuL
 
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RandiRose said...
Aug. 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm:
Ahaha very good! Check out my "Skylar West and the Seven Runaways" A Modern Snow White Story!
 
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ShelbyLala said...
Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:00 pm:
i love everything
 
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HorseGirl06 said...
Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:03 pm:
you write much better than stephanie meyer :P good job, i love it(:
 
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ShelbyRoo19967170 said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 5:17 pm:
Omg....this is SOOOOO funny!! XD Double thumbs up!!
 
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MaeSilver said...
Aug. 13, 2012 at 11:20 am:
Oh jeeze, too great!
 
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MakeMyWaffles said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:30 pm:
nice lol.
 
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LongLazyDays55 said...
Jul. 24, 2012 at 12:48 pm:
Ok, I'll admit I haven't read Twilight. YET. But I've seen a bit of the movie. This was so cool and I'd love if it became a film. Keep writing! :)
 
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ladybugsrock said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 10:05 pm:

wowthat a great story!! please rwd my novel, A Journey Far From Home! Thank You!!

 

 
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La..di da...la... said...
Jul. 22, 2012 at 9:44 pm:
I like this a lot! Showed mother... And sis... They liked it to. Mother interrupted my reading and we raced to read next lines.... I won..... She won...... I won....and so on.... You should check out a poem about snow called Mistress of the Ice Flowers... :D
 
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JRayeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 17, 2012 at 7:30 pm:
OMG! This is halarious. I meam I'm a Twi-Hard but the way this dumbs the series down is so funny.  Love it!
 
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kindlegirl said...
Jul. 12, 2012 at 11:24 am:
Dude it's awesome thx for not making oit so drama attached as the real Twilight saga. Congrats
 
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sallysunshine said...
Jul. 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm:
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
 
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KestrelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 9, 2012 at 4:42 pm:
Funny! I hated Twilight, so i agree.
 
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Nemaidez said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 9:15 pm:
I read this to my English class & they thought it was amazing, it really is hilarious! :) Thnx.
 
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BlackRosePetalz said...
Jul. 7, 2012 at 1:27 am:
Heh...I chuckled. :) I'd love to see this play acted out. And I agree with one of these comments: your next one should be the Hunger Games.
 
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AbbyOliver6 said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 7:42 pm:
LOL!!!!!! SO FUNNY!!!!
 
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BlackFTW said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm:
Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
 
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BlackFTW said...
Jun. 30, 2012 at 1:27 pm:
Eh, I've seen Youtube videos of these, so credits
 
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