The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1898 comments. Post your own now!

MasonM44 said...
Aug. 13, 2013 at 1:43 pm
This is awesome. My friend and I read it and laughed and laughed. This made my day!
RelativetoWriting This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:36 pm
If this is filmed. . . .
Maiko replied...
Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:49 pm
The world would erupt in joy?
RelativetoWriting This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 30, 2013 at 6:25 pm
Nothing else to say here. 
. said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 5:48 pm
Please do this. Please.
Philia said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:15 pm
Nice...and funny!
Sincerely_Savannah said...
Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:21 pm
This is brilliance! Better than the movies.
Kinzaaa This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:48 pm
so accurate, I just
nelehjr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2013 at 3:05 pm
Haha! I remeber reading this quite some time ago! rock on! I loved it!
BrandybuckTook said...
Jul. 9, 2013 at 12:08 pm
HAHA! I've never read the books but according to what I've heard, this seems pretty accurate!
kamkit said...
Jul. 4, 2013 at 8:35 pm
My sister and I really want to film this now... lol! This is amazing! :P
Jenna said...
Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:34 am
That was Hilarious! In my opinion, that was even better than the real thing. I love the dance off part.
writer5 said...
Jul. 2, 2013 at 6:01 pm
Well that was surprisingly accurate.
thethirdplacer said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 7:20 pm
Wow, if only I'd read this before I read all four books. This is kind of perfect.
jKs23 said...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:53 am
That was done well but it needs more detail  
Niquel said...
Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:10 am
"Please kill me so I can live forever!" Irony... Oh, how I love you, Irony.
jKs23 replied...
Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:52 am
haha me too i  want to bea vaampire soo badly  
literaturepumpkin said...
Jun. 17, 2013 at 1:17 pm
Whompingwillow said...
Jun. 13, 2013 at 10:58 am
ahhaa that was awesomely done ! ;)  
AriaTomlinson said...
Jun. 1, 2013 at 12:56 pm
HAHAHAHA That was awesome! Loved it, I was laughing all the way through! 
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