Love at First Light

July 9, 2015
By SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments

Every morning, at precisely 3:00AM, she came to my doorstep in the same beige-gray t-shirt and torn drab running shorts.

She often called me from her cell, begging me to come over after class. After a while I got the idea that she wasn't allowed to be seeing me. But she was going against her parents.

That explained the same outfit. Not wanting to seem like she was trying to impress anyone. Not wanting her parents to know about me.

They thought she was single. Inconscient. But she was more than a drab, blank piece of paper balancing on the table, just waiting to be filled. Waiting for her story to be written for her.

But that's not my girl.

The first time she came, dressed in her dirty rags, I was repulsed. Often poor girls never strayed passed the golden gates.

She held her hand out to me and said, "want to run?"

I didn't know what I was getting into. I felt like it was secret code for a date, like the poor girls had no idea how to ask someone out.

But I was way, way off.

"Sure," I replied. I glanced back into the house, making sure Mom hadn't woken up yet. She usually started making breakfast around four.


After getting changed, we set off. Running passed the sun, we made our way past the local California smoothly shop, past the waving palm trees.

We stopped at the beach.

I never realized how good a runner she was. I'd focused mostly on the ugly dirt stains on her shirt, or the long, ugly scars running down her arm.

Ever since then, I made it my goal to make her my girlfriend.

I had several at the time. Each was beautiful, rich, and smart. Each was a perfect match. But she was more than beautiful.

In her own way, she was a star. Bright through the grime and curse of her body. Shining although people often put her down.

I wish I could be as good as her.

Someday. Someday I would have her as my own. But that could benched happen. Not with the denial of her parents. Not with the curse of mine.

She still seemed to always appear, to find me when I least expected it. Some days, when my mother dragged me grocery shopping, there she would be, with her brothers and sisters crowding around a single cart, waiting to get the first can of beans or frozen spaghetti and have it as their own. And my family, only two children, with mounds of all natural, healthy foods compiled up to the top of our polished cart.

This food should have been theirs.

But sometimes God curses the good people and gives the evil power.


She still sees me.

Every single day. Nothing changed.

Always she came, not wanting to impress me. Up past the golden gates, through the pathway and into my open arms.

She knew I loved her. But I just didn't know how to say it.



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This article has 22 comments.


on Sep. 7 2016 at 11:08 pm
gSOYOUNGg0 BRONZE, Compton, California
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments
It somehow touched my heart.Finally someone writes from a guy's point of view.I love it.The way he described her, he truly did love her!

on Sep. 6 2016 at 7:46 am
ScarletCity PLATINUM, High Ridge, Missouri
41 articles 4 photos 69 comments
I like how the story draws enough conclusion to make it feel like it isn't a cliff hanger, but not enough to lend that tied -with-a-bow sense of completion. Good work!

MADDO SILVER said...
on Oct. 27 2015 at 4:50 am
MADDO SILVER, MUMBAI, Other
7 articles 0 photos 37 comments
Its a beautiful piece of your work...I enjoyed it.... keep up the good work....!!!

on Oct. 9 2015 at 9:20 am
LittleRedDeliriousPrince SILVER, Parma Heights, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 104 comments
I love how the story is from the guy's point of view. I feel like most love stories are from the woman's point of view. You have lots of talent. :)

Tamie GOLD said...
on Aug. 16 2015 at 4:28 pm
Tamie GOLD, Sonora, California
18 articles 2 photos 61 comments

Favorite Quote:
"if you can be anyone just be you unless you could be Buffy Summers then be Buffy Summers"

@KittyKat1419 You have amazing way of writting. I love this. I love your style of writting as well.

on Aug. 8 2015 at 10:27 am
Greenteadragon BRONZE, Rolling Hills Estates, California
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments
I like your style of writing, with paragraphs of description followed by a short sentence that draws some conclusion or makes some point based on the previous paragraph. Like most people said, I'm not that into romance stories, but I thought that this piece was very visual and gave me a great image of their lives and the contrast between them. I enjoyed this.

Jc543 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 27 2015 at 4:29 pm
Jc543 BRONZE, Bronx, NY, New York
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power."

Although I'm not keen on romantic stories, I found your piece to be very absorbing. It was short, yet compacted with creative sentences that further developed the narrative. However, I feel there should be more interactions between the two characters that display their love for one another. I would prefer there be more dialogue and distinct conflict that drives the story. I noticed you alluded that they come from two different backgrounds in terms of socio-economics. With this in mind, it would be engaging to see you tackle the idea of wealth inequality and love if you should ever make the piece longer. Other than that, the piece is solid and creatively written.

on Jul. 24 2015 at 12:28 pm
gabe9521 BRONZE, Mora, New Mexico
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
The pressure makes us stronger, the struggle makes us hunger, the hard lessons make the difference, and the difference makes it worth it.

I am looking at the comments and pretty much other people had said what I wanted to say. This story was very good, it was short but could easily keep people's attention if it was longer.

on Jul. 21 2015 at 12:25 am
KatalyticReaction GOLD, Frisco, Texas
17 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We need more completely sane people doing completely crazy things.” -Hank Green

Love the imagery and similes! Sorry if I'm not all gooey at love stories, but I think you have great talent and this could be the start of a great book or just longer story. I'd love to learn more about the girl. Anyway, keep writing, because I'd love to see more of your work. :)

on Jul. 20 2015 at 10:00 pm
LeilaCruz SILVER, Quezon City, Other
6 articles 2 photos 5 comments
This is a great work :). This should be published on the magazine

on Jul. 19 2015 at 8:46 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
Wow. I really didn't think it was that good. Thanks so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

on Jul. 19 2015 at 8:17 pm
This piece struck me. I do not have an exact word for it - actually I have many: bittersweet, simple but complex, HONEST, cynical - but none of them portray how much this piece affected me other than it struck me. It's left me wanting to stare at a wall and THINK for ages about the emotion I now feel. You wonderfully captured two characters in such a short piece that it feels like I've read a novel. This takes crazy talent. Also, some of your lines were just so, so I don't know monumental? Epic? Thought-provoking? "But she was more than a drab, blank piece of paper balancing on the table, just waiting to be filled. Waiting for her story to be written for her." "But sometimes God curses the good people and gives the evil power." And the last line! There was no sugar coating or cute fluff. There was honesty and there was pain. You made me feel the boy's longing to get up and run with her and to know her secrets. Great piece. Happy writing!

on Jul. 18 2015 at 8:55 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
Thanks so much. Any feedback means a lot to me and I take it all to heart.

on Jul. 18 2015 at 8:13 pm
ObsessedPanhead BRONZE, Avonmore, Pennsylvania
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Normal? What's that? It's a setting on a washing machine-nobody wants to be that,"-Ashley Purdy

And just like that, I felt a tug on my heart strings. I love this and will totally check out your other work as well!

TapiocaBill said...
on Jul. 17 2015 at 3:59 pm
I loved especially the thoughts interspersed with conversation. For example, "want to run" and the thoughts about the secret code. The style is great and I have so many questions it left me wanting more of the story!

on Jul. 16 2015 at 6:28 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
Thanks for the compliment!

Storm3 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 16 2015 at 5:36 pm
Storm3 BRONZE, Missoula, Montana
4 articles 5 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
In a society that worships love, freedom, and beauty dance is sacred. It's a prayer for the future, a remembrance of the past and a joyful exclamation of thanks for the present.

I loved it, I wanted more. This piece could easily become a novel, but part of it's beauty is in the sweet shortness of it. A few moments in that world. Amazing!

on Jul. 16 2015 at 3:15 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
I'm so glad you liked it! :)

on Jul. 16 2015 at 1:53 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
Thanks for the feedback. Always looking for ways to improve my writing.

on Jul. 16 2015 at 12:59 pm
TheReaderArielle BRONZE, KILLEEN, Texas
1 article 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Stars can't shine without darkness"- Ali Qayyum

Ok. This was an, sad, great story, however I really liked it. I would like to see more of your writing.




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