The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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This article has 1918 comments.


on Dec. 17 2018 at 8:30 am
NetherKing5555, Hazard, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Do or do not, there is no try." -Yoda

Pretty much sums the story up.

GreenSoda said...
on Nov. 17 2018 at 3:46 pm
GreenSoda, Jeffersonville, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
“It’s worth it to stay alive. Because life is hard in the moment, it’s hard to see what can be down the road. You get tunnel vision and I think that the current moment is all you have left. But that’s not it. There can be come. Please let there be more. Please stay alive.”
― Josh Dun

What did I just read XD

on Nov. 1 2018 at 2:17 pm
thatonegirl136, Macon, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly and then all at once."
- John Green

Haha this was funny.

on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
constellations_in_tea, Vashon, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not ruined,
I am ruination
~Leigh Bardugo

I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.

on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
constellations_in_tea, Vashon, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not ruined,
I am ruination
~Leigh Bardugo

I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.

on Sep. 17 2018 at 3:58 am
Asterion PLATINUM, Toronto, Ontario
21 articles 3 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science."

- Albert Einstein

Hello. I loved what you did here. As a inspiration I'm going to try to see if I can write other summaries. I loved the quick witty humorous tones and the way you managed to keep it simple so that people don't need to really read to whole twilight series to understand it. See ya around!
-Asterion

on Aug. 28 2018 at 1:36 pm
DevoraSwiftfoot BRONZE, Round Hill, Virginia
1 article 5 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Though she be but little, she is fierce."-Shakespeare

I laughed my guts out. 99% best, you just didn't show how comically weak Bella was.

on Jul. 8 2018 at 7:19 pm
Correspondence, The Cosmos, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I died laughing while reading this. 100% accurate. XD Well done summing up a couple thousand page series in almost a paragraph.

on Jun. 7 2018 at 1:17 am
Dont_Stop_Me_Now, Grayslake, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
" No" Rosa Parks ( Javert from Les Mis)

This is to the T.

Fang4 said...
on Jun. 4 2018 at 3:49 pm
Fang4,
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
OMG! This is hilarious. I am laughing so hard right now.

on May. 24 2018 at 11:02 pm
holly.lodmell BRONZE, Spartanburg, South Carolina
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This is quality

jacklynkay said...
on Apr. 29 2018 at 5:06 pm
jacklynkay, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I've read the books and have to admit, this is a better alternative! Great job.

kaitlynhartl said...
on Apr. 27 2018 at 1:29 pm
kaitlynhartl, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I've never wanted to read Twilight and now I have an excuse not to, this is better.

on Apr. 27 2018 at 1:26 pm
AndCarl384 BRONZE, Grand Rapids, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Love it! I've never seen or read the Twilight Saga so this really helps me get to know the story a little.

aniessaterps said...
on Apr. 27 2018 at 1:23 pm
aniessaterps, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Omg this is amazing i'm actually crying this is exactly what I needed to read.

MarySmith1 said...
on Apr. 27 2018 at 11:59 am
MarySmith1, Gradnville, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
this was so funny

InkyOwl SILVER said...
on Mar. 7 2018 at 9:01 pm
InkyOwl SILVER, Bloomington, Indiana
7 articles 1 photo 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Where Words fail, Music speaks.
~Hans Christian Anderson

This is THE MOST GENIUS thing I have ever read. Thank you so much! (I am laughing so hard right now)

on Feb. 17 2018 at 7:59 pm
landpearl BRONZE, Shallotte, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Now I will believe that there are unicorns."
-The Tempest

I haven't read this and I never will, but I feel like I have now.

on Jan. 30 2018 at 10:24 am
Haylie04 SILVER, Monroeville, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Basically sums it up.

I loved this piece


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