The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1911 comments.


on Jul. 8 at 7:19 pm
Correspondence, The Cosmos, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
I died laughing while reading this. 100% accurate. XD Well done summing up a couple thousand page series in almost a paragraph.

on Jun. 7 at 1:17 am
Dont_Stop_Me_Now, Grayslake, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
" No" Rosa Parks ( Javert from Les Mis)

This is to the T.

Fang4 said...
on Jun. 4 at 3:49 pm
Fang4,
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
OMG! This is hilarious. I am laughing so hard right now.

on May. 24 at 11:02 pm
holly.lodmell BRONZE, Spartanburg, South Carolina
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
This is quality

jacklynkay said...
on Apr. 29 at 5:06 pm
jacklynkay, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I've read the books and have to admit, this is a better alternative! Great job.

kaitlynhartl said...
on Apr. 27 at 1:29 pm
kaitlynhartl, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
I've never wanted to read Twilight and now I have an excuse not to, this is better.

on Apr. 27 at 1:26 pm
AndCarl384 BRONZE, Grand Rapids, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Love it! I've never seen or read the Twilight Saga so this really helps me get to know the story a little.

aniessaterps said...
on Apr. 27 at 1:23 pm
aniessaterps, Grand Rapids, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Omg this is amazing i'm actually crying this is exactly what I needed to read.

MarySmith1 said...
on Apr. 27 at 11:59 am
MarySmith1, Gradnville, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
this was so funny

InkyOwl BRONZE said...
on Mar. 7 at 9:01 pm
InkyOwl BRONZE, Bloomington, Indiana
3 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words are the voice of the Heart

This is THE MOST GENIUS thing I have ever read. Thank you so much! (I am laughing so hard right now)

on Feb. 17 at 7:59 pm
landpearl BRONZE, Shallotte, North Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Now I will believe that there are unicorns."
-The Tempest

I haven't read this and I never will, but I feel like I have now.

on Jan. 30 at 10:24 am
Haylie04 BRONZE, Monroeville, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Basically sums it up.

I loved this piece

UnkownGirl said...
on Jan. 19 at 4:48 pm
UnkownGirl, Shasta Lake, California
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end.
-Robin Sharma

Wow, this basically sums up the entire series. Great Job!!!

on Jan. 12 at 10:07 pm
Eifflelight17 BRONZE, Indio, California
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“Now that I look back, I don't know why I was so stressed about it all this time. Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing.”
― R.J. Palacio, Wonder

Never read or seen any movies but this prob explains everything lmao

on Jan. 11 at 11:07 am
hellopeople2402 BRONZE, Ashtabula, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I can be your hero"

omg im dying

on Dec. 28 2017 at 8:50 pm
VeryCiya SILVER, Dalton, Georgia
5 articles 9 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So it goes." Kurt Vonnegut

well...this isn't really incorrect

This is great. Excellent. I love it.

That's was amazing...I just love people who do this kind of stuff to get back at the craziness Twilight set off.

Mushrooms_M said...
on Dec. 5 2017 at 3:58 pm
Mushrooms_M,
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Dude wtf is this.


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