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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.


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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



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EmoArtistaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 8:28 pm:
This was HILARIOUS!!! You should make a trailer out of this
 
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Darbs1325This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 8:01 pm:
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! XD!!!! wow!!! I was about off my chair laughing!!!! XD
 
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SamsQThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 6:07 pm:
lols that totally hilarious and a perfect understanding about what happened. I'd love to see it as a play or video or whatever. Anyways its awesome :)
 
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TheDoubtMachineThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 12:36 pm:
Hilarious!! 
 
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EmmyCherryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 12:21 pm:
This was hilarious and a great summary of all four books! Loved it :).
 
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M@dH@TT3RThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 10:01 am:

Lmao xD

this is awsome

I'd like to see this as a video too!! :3

 
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MoonstDaughterZeenyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 17 at 7:17 am:
I love it its amazing 
 
BigBallaJohnathanWThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 17 at 2:24 pm :
hey my mom likes these so i have to watch them a lot
 
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EpiclyawesomeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 13 at 1:58 pm:
This is AWESOME. Love it.
 
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Mobius said...
May 12 at 4:47 pm:
Lol, this is a good fan fiction and parody. I think you should do this with the Avengers or Hunger Games.
 
kimberdawnThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 15 at 1:28 pm :
I agree! The Avengers and the Hunger Games need to have a parody like this
 
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mirrorstone said...
May 9 at 3:21 pm:
Haha, that was fantastic! Made my night! You wanna wright another parody? (Hint hint, wink wink)
 
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TherangergirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 7 at 8:38 am:
"I think she meant 'bite me'" HAHAHA classic. You made my day XD
 
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xXSpyderGyrlXx said...
May 5 at 10:00 pm:
i have to say, this is acurate. it ties up the whole Twilight saga into a short story. nice job
 
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thelittleghostgirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 2 at 1:18 pm:
Yes. *tips virtual hat*
 
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wishingtheskywasbluerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 29 at 7:09 pm:
i just love this.
 
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hippiechick99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 28 at 11:50 am:
I have no words except... THAT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME!!!! I'm going to get my sister to read it :)
 
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Faith P. said...
Apr. 27 at 10:41 am:
Oh my goodness, I can't stop laughing. Good job! :)
 
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StephanieMorrissaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 26 at 8:41 am:
Oh wow! HILARIOUS! Love it! You're really funny! :D
 
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lucasloveswritingThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 25 at 8:01 pm:
i really love this, it's so different and very funny. good job :)
 
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AdrienneMPayneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 25 at 7:57 pm:

HILARIOUS!!!

What else needs to be said?

 
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HisPurePrincessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 25 at 9:18 am:
That was great.  I've debated the greatness of twilgiht with people and had come to the conclusion that although the story was wonderfully romantic and teens apparently love a dark side of things, the writing of them is really bad.  I love this!
 
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BeautifulAngel95This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 25 at 8:22 am:
This was so funny. I don't like twilight. But this was too funny. This summed up all four books. write more
 
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Scribbler-of-DreamsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 24 at 7:19 am:
So, FUNNY....I loved it.
 
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SilverSunThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 23 at 7:30 pm:
WOW!! I didn't even read twilight but I totally laughed at this!! Amazing job!!
 
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SeshatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 15 at 8:49 pm:
Awsome, love making fun of Twilight!
 
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realbeautifulheartThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 15 at 6:33 pm:
Hahahahaha nice
 
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YouAreMoreJ3.16 said...
Apr. 15 at 2:23 am:
I Loved it. It Made me Laugh
 
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Pleaselisten said...
Apr. 14 at 8:58 am:
This is AMAZING!! I write plays all the time, but lately I've had a severe case of writers block. Is it okay if I do this at my schools talent show?
 
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disasterdominant13This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 13 at 7:56 am:
i applaud this author. BRAVO. lol a peice of comical genius.
 
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Logan_Elizabeth28This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 12 at 8:08 pm:

Can I say this was freaking hilarious? I mean you pretty much summed up all four books, but added humor to it making it a pleasure for people with a sense of humor (Such as me) to read without becoming bored of it. Honestly, no one would ever be bored of this. It's too funny. Like I said before, very hilarious. Loved it. 2 Thumbs up! Keep writing :)

~Logan~

 
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stillheartlessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 12 at 5:23 pm:
please.....MARRY ME!
 
BigBallaJohnathanWThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
May 17 at 2:26 pm :

when

 

 
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HarryPotterLover30This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 11 at 8:47 pm:
Luv this! <3 It's so FREAKING HILARIOUS! I hate Twilight, but this...... LMAO!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!! (Double thumbs up, with a serious expression, trying not to ROFL inside)
 
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Optimiste said...
Apr. 10 at 6:44 am:
best story, everyone else go home.
 
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JawsOnTheFloor said...
Apr. 8 at 11:30 am:
AWESOME!!! :D
 
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acorn1993 said...
Apr. 4 at 6:31 pm:
The sad thing is, this actually pretty accurately sums up ALL FOUR books...well done! I found this funny and, again, fairly accurate. I would have liked a few more details about the Volturi, though, since that was a major 'conflict' in the books (even if it was anti-climactic)!
 
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J-NavThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 4 at 12:04 am:
AWESOME!!!!
 
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hbrhr said...
Apr. 3 at 4:27 pm:
OMIGOD THIS IS FREAKIN HILARIOUS!
 
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LittleSullyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 3 at 3:38 pm:
Made me pee my pants! Pleeeaaaasssseeee write more!
 
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Chanced said...
Apr. 3 at 2:38 pm:
LOL that was hillarious! XD your awsome LOL!
 
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Zuccini75This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 3 at 2:08 pm:
I didn't like Twilight Saga at all but this was HILARIOUS! It is a good summary for anyone who doesn't want to suffer over the real books :)
 
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NinjaSherlockThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 3 at 1:19 pm:
This is awesome!  I've never read the books or seen the movies, but this is way too funny to ignore!
 
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AmazaynTia said...
Mar. 29 at 5:21 pm:
Ha ha I love this <3
 
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StormL. said...
Mar. 29 at 1:09 pm:
Haha! Love this! I hate twilight but i would be a die hard fan if this was the story/book!
 
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PandaKid48 said...
Mar. 24 at 5:54 pm:
Stephanie Meyer could have spared herself time, money, and haters, if only she had the forsight to see how much better her story would be shortened to this. XD
 
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PoetryAngel14This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 24 at 4:57 pm:
that would so be the best movie ever. someone make it!!
 
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DamonSalvatore1864This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 23 at 6:45 am:
I laugh hysterically every time I read this!!!!!!!!
 
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amberkittehs13 said...
Mar. 21 at 9:20 pm:
That was really funny. Itd be awesome if you made more of these parody plays. They are awesome. This is the funniest parody i've ever seen of Twighlight :) :) You should really make more :)
 
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cancergirl said...
Mar. 19 at 2:02 pm:
Freaking Hilarious!i want an oncore!!!
 
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