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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.





Join the Discussion

This article has 1889 comments. Post your own now!

lemonfanta said...
May 11 at 1:31 pm
Literary classic?
 
RRicks9This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 5 at 2:37 am
OMG! This is so hilarious! "I think she meant bite me."
 
HereSheIsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 28 at 7:06 am
This is what the Twighlight books/movies should have been, because it's much higher quality and an awesome parody :)
 
Crazypersonnextdoor said...
Feb. 21 at 3:34 pm
Lmao! amazing
 
RashelLikoThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 21 at 11:07 am
Hilarious! XD
 
Yld777This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 21 at 7:33 am
nice and funny
 
AditiVibgyorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 19 at 2:39 pm
Wow this was extremely hilarious!!
 
AlyssaJanelle said...
Jan. 30 at 9:45 am
Omg I've read The Twilight series and this practically sums everything up. Lol this was really funny.
 
lmckenney said...
Nov. 3, 2016 at 7:52 am
This was funny I laughed so hard!
 
JasonEdwardWilson said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 10:14 am
So great, I died
 
xo.erinnicole said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 10:04 am
This was so funny because it was so true.
 
MohammedF said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 9:50 am
Amazingly amazing
 
Eric Breazy said...
Oct. 24, 2016 at 9:48 am
The beauty The romance The confusion Teenage love
 
AGupta1 said...
Oct. 19, 2016 at 2:13 pm
Keep writing please! I laughed out loud and my mother looked at me like I was crazy.
 
Ebony_Strike said...
Sept. 29, 2016 at 8:06 pm
I think this may have been the best thing I have ever read.
 
Dream_Bar22This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 20, 2016 at 10:34 am
this is amazing
 
Screen_name: said...
Sept. 2, 2016 at 4:02 pm
This sums it up perfectly
 
jordynnangeleen said...
Sept. 2, 2016 at 11:28 am
make a part 2!!!
 
DayDreamsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 29, 2016 at 8:14 pm
Never even seen/read anything about Twilight but this was so, so, so, so, sooooooo funny! Literally every line made me lol. I love that it's in play/script form too.
 
Daksteel said...
Aug. 17, 2016 at 1:31 pm
lol not a twilight fan but this made me chuckle
 
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