The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.





Join the Discussion

This article has 1902 comments. Post your own now!

InkyOwl said...
today at 9:01 pm
This is THE MOST GENIUS thing I have ever read. Thank you so much! (I am laughing so hard right now)
 
landpearlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 17 at 7:59 pm
I haven't read this and I never will, but I feel like I have now.
 
Haylie04This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 30 at 10:24 am
Basically sums it up.
 
Lily">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 23 at 2:25 am
I loved this piece
 
UnkownGirl said...
Jan. 19 at 4:48 pm
Wow, this basically sums up the entire series. Great Job!!!
 
Eifflelight17 said...
Jan. 12 at 10:07 pm
Never read or seen any movies but this prob explains everything lmao
 
hellopeople2402 said...
Jan. 11 at 11:07 am
omg im dying
 
VeryCiyaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 28, 2017 at 8:50 pm
well...this isn't really incorrect
 
B">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 14, 2017 at 4:34 am
This is great. Excellent. I love it.
 
C">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 11, 2017 at 5:52 am
That's was amazing...I just love people who do this kind of stuff to get back at the craziness Twilight set off.
 
Mushrooms_M said...
Dec. 5, 2017 at 3:58 pm
Dude wtf is this.
 
MercadezLuvsU2 said...
Oct. 16, 2017 at 9:48 am
lol, So true. I can see it now.
 
dearguilttripping said...
Oct. 2, 2017 at 3:14 pm
im in class and dying of laughter 11/10
 
lemonfanta said...
May 11, 2017 at 1:31 pm
Literary classic?
 
RRicks9 said...
May 5, 2017 at 2:37 am
OMG! This is so hilarious! "I think she meant bite me."
 
HereSheIs said...
Apr. 28, 2017 at 7:06 am
This is what the Twighlight books/movies should have been, because it's much higher quality and an awesome parody :)
 
Crazypersonnextdoor said...
Feb. 21, 2017 at 3:34 pm
Lmao! amazing
 
RashelLiko said...
Feb. 21, 2017 at 11:07 am
Hilarious! XD
 
Yld777 said...
Feb. 21, 2017 at 7:33 am
nice and funny
 
AditiVibgyor said...
Feb. 19, 2017 at 2:39 pm
Wow this was extremely hilarious!!
 
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