Harvest Moon (nessie's point of view) part 1

September 23, 2009
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I noticed that I wasn't by myself anymore. I turned and there was a bare chest there. I tilted my head to see Jacob. I only smiled. His hair had grown out some and was able to put it in a small ponytail. His eyes were so brown and beautiful. Of course you all know what Jacob looks like. If you don't know who I am. My name is Renesmee Cullen. I'm 16 years old. My hair is bronze and wavy. My eyes chocolate brown. My skin pale and I'm slimmer than most girls my age....Oh, right. Jake was staring at me in a strange way that he hadn't before. Dad says that is the same way that he looks at mom...I just rolled my eyes until now. I couldn't look away from him. Jacob slowly wipped the falling tears from my face. I gave him a sad smile.

"Nessie, please stop crying I hate when you cry." I hugged him. I felt his lips press to the top of my head.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I didn't mean to I just got so upset."

"I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad...Actusally I kind of liked that you yelled at me." I pulled away and looked at him. He was wearing that cocky smile of his.

"Your not funny Jacob Black." I whispered. But it only sent him into a round of laughter. I tuck my tounge out at him.

"I think I am funny." Without saying anything else he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head. He was getting closer to face face than ususal. I bite my lower lip hoping that He wasn't going to do what I thought he was.

"Jacob Black if I were you I would step away from my daughter." It was my father. I knew that my face my crimson red. There was no way that this day could get any worse than it was now.....

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FallenAngel11283 said...
Jun. 2, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Oh hun I love this, I'm a huge fan of the Twilight Series you need to continue this story please!
TheLeavesFloatingInTheWind said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Edward is funny.
AlanaJade1206 said...
Dec. 21, 2011 at 1:40 pm
katiedidnothin said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Nice story, need to check spell check though. Just giving some helpful feedback.
MidnightNow1127 said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 9:43 pm
Ouch. Jacob Black, I'd watch your back... Nice job.
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 10:02 am
Nice story! keep writing!It was really funny! if anyone could go check out and post comments on my new article time, not space. That would be great! :) just click my user name! :)(:
penguinpower said...
May 2, 2011 at 8:48 pm
Nice start and interesting concept, however the story seems kinda vague. You should elaborate further, but not bad!
Suicide said...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 8:44 am

wow this made me laugh. I hope you have written more like this.


AlexisNicole94 said...
Feb. 25, 2011 at 1:41 pm
I really enjoyed reading this. I love how you did this in Nessie's point of view and you did it very well. :) Hope to read more.
JordyRaye15 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm
Make sure you look at sentence structure and grammatical errors. It was good, but I am wondering why Jacob was yelled at, and why she doesn't want kissed by him if they are meant to be together? Other than that great start!!
Annie12 said...
Dec. 21, 2010 at 12:52 am
I thought it was okay, you know? But the sentence structures could probably vary a little bit. Also, I agree that it's not very interesting to have someone just list characteristics. I think that this also sounds like and excert. 
xprezzionstar said...
Oct. 16, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Great start but it needs to be a little more informing. why did she yell at Jacob? does she honsetly want him NOT to kiss her? how was the day already bad? and what happens between her Dad and Jacob? im full of questions and wondering whats going to happen. realy needs to continue.  
MysteryHeart replied...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 11:09 am
i totally agree
Elisabeth said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 9:36 pm
Its okay. Like the other said it really starts about a rough point and ends the same way. The sentences are choppy and if you want to describe her, trying using something more intriguing like "I looked up at Jacob, my chocolate brown eyes filled with tear, and my wavy bronze hair wet from earlier tears."
DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 4:49 pm

interesting... i would read more.

but i have to point out some things. there needs to be a little variation in sentence structure, and it sort of gets boring if you just list out charictaristics.  and it seemed really abrupt and sudden in some places. like, she smiles, and then is crying, and then jacob tries to kiss her?

but overall, cool.

Amer-Nae said...
Aug. 5, 2010 at 12:05 pm
thats not why I put it like that...Edward might be ok with the imprinting but, it is still HIS daughter..and all dad's can be like that with their only daughters and not to mention Edward can read thoughts...
gotchalk This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2010 at 7:37 am
OK, this was a very intriguing story, and I would certainly read more, but I agree that this doesn't seem like a first chapter.  And Edward is OK with the imprinting now--it's no big deal to him.
Robsessed said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 11:46 pm

Well, it doesn't seem like a first chapter, but more of an excerpt that would appear on the jacket of a book sleeve. With that said, it's not bad for the length you made it. There are a lot of grammar mistakes. Make sure you proof read at least 2 and maybe have someone else read it too. Suggestion: when you have characters having a conversation make sure the reader can tell who is saying what. I was confused at first who said, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you..."

If this is supposed to ... (more »)

joywriter18 said...
Jun. 23, 2010 at 5:25 pm
not very well written, and is confusing for a part one.  also, everyone's out of character.  aren't they madly in love?  and last i checked, edward was cool with the imprinting.  keep practicing.
waywithwords said...
Jun. 6, 2010 at 6:01 pm
I was confused. :/
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