Harry lily & James potter finally meet

September 20, 2009
By kmoruzzi BRONZE, Warrenton, Missouri
kmoruzzi BRONZE, Warrenton, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Chapter 1
“James, do you think that Serious Black is watching Harry for us?”
“I don’t know maybe Lily, I mean it has been 21 years since we last saw him.”




Meanwhile at Harry & Ginny’s house
“Morning, Ginny.”
“Morning, Harry.”
“Where’s the kids we’re going to be late.”
“Upstairs, still getting ready.”
“James, Lily, Albus, come on we’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.”
“Coming.”

The Potters left for platform nine and three quarters. They met Ron, Hermoine, and Rose when they arrived. The kids took off to go have some fun before the train leaves. Harry’s scar starts to burn but he ignores it. Suddenly He-Who-Can’t-Be-Named appeared to finish off Harry for good.

“Harry get the kids, we’ll keep him distracted.”

Harry went to get the kids, when he did they begged him not to go. He tried to tell them that their parents were in danger and he needed to help them. They wouldn’t let him leave, so finally they watched as Harry fought to protect them. After the fight was over Lily went over to tell them that someone was here to talk to them. They all went to see who it was.

“Who are you, what do you want?”
“Don’t tell me that you forgot about me already.”
“Professor is that you?”
“Yes Ronald it is.”
“Dumbledore oh it is so good to see you.”
The kids got onto the train and Serious came into the room that they were in. Their parents and Dumbledore were on their way to Harry’s and Ginny’s house to talk over tea. On the way out of the train they met Hagrid who is the grounds keeper at Hogwarts.
"Hi ya kids, it seems like just yesterday that your parents started school here."
"Hey Lily watch out for Snape and Malfoy."
"Oh I will, I'm not scared of Snape or Malfoy."
"Albus come on don't be a scaredy cat. We don't have all night."


The author's comments:
This is just a little something that I've been working on.I was inspired by my friend Julie to start this story so this is just the first chapter of the story. I hope that this will show you that if you work together you can do anything.

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This article has 53 comments.


on Aug. 23 2011 at 1:10 pm
Free_One PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 773 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am not invincible or unstoppable, but I stay strong because it is the only way to survive in this world."

nightstalker part three, four, and five is now out! Go check it out if you liked the first and second! :)(:

on Aug. 1 2011 at 5:02 pm
PhoenixCrossing GOLD, Tinley Park, Illinois
14 articles 0 photos 179 comments
It was kind of really confusing and it felt like it was sped up. There's not much emotion or detail either. It was just "this happened and then this happened" and so on. I believe  you should add a little detail and maybe clear it up-maybe a little less dialogue. Altogether it has great potential. Maybe do a little bit of research on the series as well. :)

on Jun. 28 2011 at 2:36 pm
LittleTeapot13, Coconut Creek, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I didn't kill him, the bullet did. Therefore I am innocent." - Unknown

Sirius isn't spelled serious.

Albus Dumbledore died long before Harry and Ginny had kids. 

Even just wildly assuming Lily and James SOMEHOW were still alive, if they hadn't seen Harry in 21 years, that'd make him 22 at most. Therefore it'd make the year 2002. Albus (Harry's middle son) wasn't even born until 2005. And if Lily was going to Hogwarts as well, then that'd put the date of this story at aprox. 2019 because the end of the last book is 2017 and it's Albus's first year. 

 

You have good sentence structure but your writing is a little choppy and you don't seem to have enough knowledge about the Harry Potter world to write fan fiction.

Just my critiques.

 Try harrypotter.wikia.com


on Jun. 13 2011 at 2:40 pm
StelaDalca GOLD, Allen, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
Embrace your inner Awesomeness!

I agree with everyone it was kind of confusing. But the idea was good and not the ending I was expecting.

on Jun. 10 2011 at 8:10 pm
bunbun74 SILVER, Fort Collins, Colorado
6 articles 0 photos 36 comments
Hey, just wanted to say, since you seem to be getting a lot of constructive critizism, don't be put off by any of it. Writing is probably a bit complicated for you, so don't worry about it. As long as you work on your skill i am sure you will discover that you are a wonderful writer. For me, i have to agree with the below comments saying that this was confusing, and i would reccomend rereading the the series. But writing prequels off of books is actually really hard, because the people who read it have most likely all ready read the series, and therefore they expect this to be good. So a recap, work on your writing, but don't take this too hard, and good luck with the rest of your writing career! :)

on May. 20 2011 at 8:25 pm
itlovedtohappen GOLD, Ocala, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments
Oh, and why is Voldemort back? In the books, it is clearly stated that people cannot be brough back to life. Voldemort could be considered an exception, but that is because he was only really half-alive (look up more on Horcruxes). So why is he back? Just do some research, please. You had a good idea but this story had nothing to do with Harry Potter, except for the names basically.

on May. 20 2011 at 8:22 pm
itlovedtohappen GOLD, Ocala, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments
And you spelled Sirius wrong. It's not Serious, as  in seriously. It's sirius, as in Sirius Radio. The logo of Sirius is a dog, because the constellation Sirius is of a canine. It explains why Sirius can become a dog. Sirius Black.

on May. 20 2011 at 8:19 pm
itlovedtohappen GOLD, Ocala, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments
I liked the theme but it doesn't really make any sense...?

on Feb. 28 2011 at 9:31 pm
I was really confused with this piece. You seem to understand the relationships between the different characters, but the plot and dialogue is a bit off. Try to clean it up a little and add some more descriptive language and I think that you could turn this into something really great! Keep writing-the more you write, the better your writing becomes! :)

on Jan. 15 2011 at 3:47 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

um, this was good, confusing, but good. and how do all of the charicters came back? most of the charicters you names are dead, and have been dead. can you explain? and the storyline needs to be a little more abvious. it was hard to fallow. and have you read the books?

on Dec. 24 2010 at 1:16 pm
SilentlyRising GOLD, Decatur, Georgia
13 articles 0 photos 100 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on."

Hey.  You've got a great idea there, but there are a few error both grammatically and story-wise.  A few tips:

1.  Explain why and how the already-dead characters came back to life.  Perhaps one of Voldemort's underlings brought him back to life somehow.

2.  Read the books, please.  Again if you already have.

3.  Fix the choppy story-line.  If writing something out in story form is hard for you, create an outline and EXPLAIN why these things are happening.  How did they go from being in the station to being attacked by Voldemort to being on the train?

4.  This is a story.  Not a script.  Write out actions and who said what.  I'm confused as to what text goes with whom.

This is a little note for the people below me:  this doesn't apply to all of you, but some are being a little harsh.  I'm sorry if this comment has offended you in any way, but like DiamondsIntheGrass said, it's all just a little constructive criticism.   I hope you found this comment useful, kmoruzzi.  Keep working on your skills and you'll get better in no time.  Never stop writing because someone told you that you're no good.  Practice, practice, practice.  :)


on Oct. 19 2010 at 8:02 pm
Jessica_Twine GOLD, Marietta, Georgia
11 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imperfection is Beauty Madness is Genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring!"

It was very choppy. I like the idea that you were trying to get, but it was very confusing

on Sep. 27 2010 at 7:35 pm
ThatClarinetPerson SILVER, Tequesta, Florida
8 articles 0 photos 227 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life. Don't talk to me about life."
~Marvin the Paranoid Android (from the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series)
Statistical analysis suggests that i am probably in tune with someone
(hahahahaha! I love this cause i'm never ever ever in tune >o

ditto, diamondsinthegrass. also, "serious"?

on Sep. 6 2010 at 1:26 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

just as contructive critisism, none of this makes sense.

on Aug. 15 2010 at 4:26 pm
kielymarie SILVER, Sandy Hook, Connecticut
6 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When you do dance, I wish you a wave 'o the sea, that you might never do nothing but that." -William Shakespeare

Very choppy, doesn't relate to the book, lots of grammar errors. This needs work.

zezasister said...
on Jun. 3 2010 at 12:43 am
I didn't really like this fanfiction... but you know just go over it a little. i think its ok 2 have written it the way u did cuz it doesnt have to be the way the books go but it needs a good grammar check! otherwize its pretty good.

on May. 23 2010 at 3:00 pm
highflyer101 BRONZE, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 7 comments
If you contact me through one of my other stories, I wrote a revised version of this for you, so, if you want any ideas...

on May. 18 2010 at 10:50 pm
highflyer101 BRONZE, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
4 articles 1 photo 7 comments
Ok, not only are like half the characters in this dead, so is the writing! I mean, for the fight scene, actually WRITE about the fight, and it can't be so calm afterwards. You have no grammar skills either! This isn't IM! I was just bored the entire time. It was just bad. Sorry!

on May. 15 2010 at 4:45 pm
This was not that good....i agree with everone else, you need to read the books then write this cause you messed up...! I am sorry if that is mean to say but it is also true..!

dant3 said...
on May. 6 2010 at 7:10 pm
wow. don't write fan fiction if you have never read the books. Lily and James are dead. Sirius is dead. Dumbledore is dead. and you completely left out hugo, Ron and Hermionie's other child. and thats not even mentioning all the gramatical errors and akward writing style. 




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