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Stuck In An Elevator


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At the ding of the elevator, two silver panels slide open. The Little Mermaid carefully wobbles in, making sure her slimy fins do not slither into the shaft. Her sea foam green eyes become enormous as she notices a flamboyant, red-haired man wearing a crushed velvet suit and pleather Beatle boots standing in the elevator. A small tuff of chest hair pops out of his white, ruffled shirt.

“There you are!” Austin Powers seductively says, grinning through his yellow popcorn seed teeth.

“Do I know you, Sir?” says Ariel in a high-pitched, timid voice.

“No, but that’s where you are, you’re there! My name is Austin Powers. Danger is my middle name. And who are you, baby?”

“My name is Ariel. Pleasure to meet you. I love it up here, out of those waters.”

“The pleasure is mine, baby, yeah!” says Austin as he turns to the corner of the fluorescently lit elevator. He sees a hunched over man humming a raspy tune. Black dread locks and a slouchy, crocheted hat cover his head.
Bob Marley gazes up at Austin with worrisome eyes. “What’s happenin’, mon?”
“Allow myself to introduce … myself. My name is Richie Cunningham and this is my wife, Oprah,” says Austin, stretching his arm across Ariel’s back.
All of a sudden, the elevator screeches and clunks to an abrupt stop. The buttons begin to flicker like lightening bugs on a summer night.
Tears begin streaming down Ariel’s face and into her flowing, firecracker red hair. “AHH! What’s happening?”
Bob sits in the corner trying to calm Ariel from the clanking and flickering of the elevator and says, “Ah. No, woman, no cry.”
“No. That is not why I’m crying. My fins are shriveling! I have been up where they walk, up where they run for too long. I need water!”

Austin holds Ariel in his lap as she begins to wail again. “Don’t worry, baby. I still think you’re shagadelic, baby! You’re switched on! You’re smashing!”

“Ariel, don’t worry about a thing, ‘cause every little things gonna be all right,” says Bob.

Austin and Bob embrace Ariel as she catches her breath.

Ariel’s lips quiver as she says, “For so long I’ve wanted to be where the people are, Part of Your World. And now this has to happen. I’m scared, my scales are peeling.”

“Well, I still think you’re one groovy baby, baby. Oh! Too many babies,” says Austin.

Ariel nervously looks down and points at Austin and Bob’s legs, “I wish I had those thingamajigs. What’s that word again?”


“Legs, mon,” says Bob.

“Flippin’ your fins, you don’t get too far. Legs are required for jumpin’, dancing’,” says Ariel.

Austin winks through his black, square plastic frames. “Well, how can I help with those withering scales? Look into the ocean of my eyes, baby. Maybe that will help!”

Ariel concentrates, staring into Austin’s blue eyes. Suddenly, her scales begin to sparkle again and she is able to move them around. Her face illuminates with excitement. Austin and Ariel continue to gaze deep into each other’s eyes.

“Ah, mon. Is this love that I’m feelin’?” asks Bob.

Ariel’s checks turn red. “Thanks, Austin. You’re my hero!”

“Oh, behave!” says Austin.

Humming a sweet tune, Bob turns to rest in the corner. Austin and Ariel continue flirtatiously talking as the elevator continues clunking and clanging.



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This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

BabyPorcupine said...
Apr. 1 at 6:27 pm
Well. This is quite interesting. It's been quite a few years since I saw any of the Austin Powers movies (okay, that makes me sound old), but as far as I remember you captured his personality quite awesomely. Awesome-ly. Is there an adverb form for awesome? Anyway, Ariel seemed strangely naive (how did she walk/slither/??? into the elevator?), but Marley is my favorite. I love how you portrayed him. ^v^ Are stuck-in-the-elevator fics popular? Because I've seen quite a few of them...
 
Kinners said...
Jun. 6, 2013 at 8:44 pm
Apparently stuck-in-an-elevator fics are popular around here. Would you mind if I wrote one involving Gandalf, General Grievous, Princess Luna, and Spongebob?
 
MysteryHeart said...
Jan. 4, 2011 at 1:29 pm
I laughed sooo hard
 
Rose_in_the_Concrete said...
May 29, 2010 at 12:15 am
i love it ! xD this just became my new favorite x]
 
DallysGrrl said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Hilarious!! Great job i thought it was really  offbeat  and  funny.  I  loved  Bob  Marley.
 
Ally25 said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 12:55 pm
This was pretty funny I liked it...
 
Ellie_Michelle said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Wow. That was... interesting. And I'm going to sound terribly dumb and old fashioned, but I have no idea who Austin Powers is. Or Bob Marley. Or Ariel... Jk, I know who Ariel is, but not the other two. :) Ok you can laugh.
 
Rose_in_the_Concrete replied...
May 29, 2010 at 12:14 am

really!?

you should watch goldmember and listen to "Three little birds" i think you can check them out on youtube

 
Poems said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Very strange...
 
jben said...
Sept. 29, 2009 at 1:18 pm
this was intresting and very scary to be stuck. it was great.
 
iThink said...
Jun. 1, 2009 at 12:55 am
That was... strange.. but funny. :D
 
ultrabookworm replied...
Sept. 7, 2009 at 7:15 pm
Um... very. :)
 
jigjoo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:25 pm
That was hilarious. Just the thing to keep my spirits up! I love the descriptiveness.
 
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