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Too Many Days
It’s been 9 days since I have talked to my friends. I’m not sure if they are wondering where I am. Or if I’m okay. Or if I’m still here. No contact.
My brain doesn’t work. My hands don’t work. Nothing works. It’s as simple as picking up the phone. But it’s just as hard as that. It’s as easy as pressing buttons. But it’s just as hard as that. Too much.
Locked doorknob, closed shades, under covers, sleeping. Day 9 is over.
It’s now day 8 since I’ve washed my clothes. Which ones are clean, which ones are dirty - don’t ask me. I know as much as you. Confused as to how I live with it.
Just wash the clothes, just pick them up, just fold, just. Please. It’s as simple and as hard as that. Just work. Just work. Just work. Just.
Mixed fabrics, jumbled mess, thrown up on my floor, dirty. A wreck. Day 8 is closing.
It’s day 7. 7 days since cleanliness. Dirty dishes everywhere, how do I eat? Eating out of my hands as if they were cleaner.
Just rinse them. Just wipe. Just dry. Just try. Just. Simple. Hard. Too much. Too much. Too much.
Dirty dishes, dirty floors, dirty, disgusting, daily chores that should be done. Shouldn’t they? Day 7 ends.
It’s day 6 of the same clothes on my back. Dirty clothes still on my floor. Sweat drenched t-shirt hanging off my shoulders. Stretched out. Too big. Wrinkled.
Just change. Just wear this instead. Just do it. Please. Just.
Collected puddles, rivers of sweat, salt water spills, stretched, wrinkles, stain. I can’t move. Day 6 is over.
Day 5 of cracking, smeared make up. Pimples make an unwanted visit. Stress? Hygiene? Maybe so.
Just use a wipe. Use some water. Use soap, towel, anything, take it off. Just. Nothing works.
Eyelashes falling out, flaking mascara, dry skin masks, black lines, black circles, cracked lips, tired. I’m tired. Can you tell? Day 5 is stopping.
It’s been 4 days since a shower. A bath. Soap, water, wash.
Some water will do. Try a sponge. Soap? Shampoo, conditioner, rag. Please. Simple, hard, I don’t know.
Greasy hair, oily skin, dirty body, gross. Too hard. It’s too hard. Day 4 over.
It’s day 3 since I’ve brushed my teeth. Dirt everywhere, dirty, disgusting, simple task that I can’t do. I’m not working.
A brush. Water. Toothpaste. Scrub. That’s all. All too much.
Grime everywhere, yellowing, rotting, holding back heavy breaths, cavities, dirty, disgusting, daily chores that should be done. No. Day 3 has come to an end.
2 days since I’ve eaten. Do crumbs count? What about ice? It’s not working. Nothing is working. Nothing. Working.
Just eat. Just. Please. I can’t. Hard.
Screaming stomach, screaming mind, seemingly close to nothing. Day 2 closes.
Day 1. No water. Nothing.
Just a drop. Nothing.
Dry throat, coughing, blood, bones, sleeping, nothing. Day 1 is ending.
Day — is over.