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The Weirdest Dream?
[Close-up: A supermarket called The Johnson’s. Camera: zoom in smoothly. Door bell rings as the door opens. Camera: pan around the store. We see shelves stacked up high with cans of Campbell’s and Boyardee’s. Extreme close-up: Check-out counter number four with a tall brunette mom and a geezer with two-centimeter thick glasses and a hunched back.]
“Hello, Mr. Jibbers. How’s business today?” Bobby inquires nonchalantly.
“Well, if it isn’t my most valued customer Mrs. Peabody! Hi! Let’s just say, Bobby, it’s not as prospective as before. I think it’s because of that ‘out’-standing group in the corner of the alley,” Jack accuses.
“Now, now, Mr. Jibbers, let’s not get wacky. I’m sure they’re friendly kids,” replies Bobby shaking her head.
“Your total comes to $35.96, Ma’am. I don’t know, Bobby, they seem...Would you like to use your Johnson’s saving card? They seem…out of order,” Jack asks mechanically.
“It’s alright, Mr. Jibbers. You can keep the change too,” she says as she draws out a 50 dollar bill.
“Bless you, Bobby,” grins Jack. You see a mouthful of synthetic teeth. “Have a nice day, Mrs. Peabody, and promise me you will beware that gang.”
“You take care too, Mr. Jibbers. Molly! Come on; let’s go!”
[Camera: pan to aisle five. We see a young girl of age ten or eleven, rapt in her own storytelling. ]
“I proudly present Princess Gloria Bernadine to the lowly pheasants! Honk, honk-honk, honk—” Molly mimics an announcer’s voice and a trumpet. Eyes closed, head high, stepping down from the second top shelf, she forgets for a moment she’s not in her dream palace. She tumbles painfully down with a crash of pots, pans, and cans. Bobby is there in a flash of a second.
“Gracious! Molly, are you alright?” Bobby rushes over to the pile of cans.
“I’m not Molly! I’m Princess Gloria Berna—” Molly begins royally.
“Molly, we’ve gone through this issue already; you are Molly and not princess goofball. Now hurry and get home so you can clean up,” ushers Bobby to Molly. Molly grumbles as Jack finally wobbles over to the scene.
“Bye, Mr. Jibbers! Say farewell to Mr. Jibbers, Molly.”
“Byemrjibbers,” grumbles Molly discontentedly.
[Camera: Cut to Bobby and Molly in the station wagon. It is silent. Dissolve to a station wagon pulling up to a driveway adjacent a small, vacant one-family off-yellow house. A red-nose pit bull stands behind the surrounding iron fence. ]
“Molly, help carry the groceries in.”
[Interior: The living room window. We peek through white lace curtain and see a beautiful tall woman with her naïve brunette child both heaving two grocery bags. We hear our own heavy breathing. Humph…humph…Our hearing is muffled, but we hear the soprano voice of a grown lady and a childish alto. As the noises come closer, we hear the key turn in the lock. Camera: Cut to Bobby and Molly.]
“I mean, Gloria Bernadine sounds way, way, way more radical. Molly is just so…icky. I’m sorry but I don’t know what other way to describe it,” Molly reasons logically. It is 5:00pm. Bobby turns on the lights, sighing.
“Molly is perfectly suitable. You don’t need whatever fancy name you make up to personalize who you are, Dear,” punches Bobby. Molly grimaces. Bobby laughs.
“What, it’s true. Just go shower. We’re expecting Hillary Beetles and her family.”
“We have new neighbors already? Gosh!” Molly dumps the bags on the kitchen counter and thunders upstairs. She turns up her radio to the song “Fabulous.” She starts running around looking for garments and singing to the lyrics.
“Mom, where’s my baby blue underwear with those cute, little pink hearts? Never mind, I found it! Wait, where’s—‘Out with the old, and in with the new. Goodbye clouds of—’ hell-o, Gorgeous! I found it!” Molly shouts randomly as she admires an elaborately crocheted off-shoulder shirt with the lime green words “Gorgeous” and jewels on it.
[Interior: Heavy breathing…humph…humph…We peek out from the darkness of Bobby’s room looking across the stairs to Molly pacing back and forth from her room and the bathroom. We move towards inattentive Molly. Cut to Interior: Bathroom door. We see glimpses of Molly shuffling back and forth from one side to the other. Background: Gloved hands unveiling out of the darkness of Bobby’s room. Cut to Interior: Heavy breathing…Cut to Interior: Bathroom door. A black figure assembles. We can depict two shiny, hungry eyes .Molly is still careless of the approaching thing. The form comes nearer and nearer towards Molly, hands outstretched.]
“Hey, Molly, when are you going to actually get into the tub? I sure don’t want my girl shouting embarrassing phrases downstairs when my honored guests arrive in ten minutes,” Bobby calls. No answer. “Molly! Did you hear me?” The music is still blaring.
[Extreme close-up interior: Molly’s closet. All we see is Molly’s hairy head. As she straightens to tuck another strand of dark, curly hair behind her right ear and ducks back into the piles of clothes we suddenly see a red-headed man. His eyes are gleaming with blood thirst. Molly straightens again and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She ducks down again and we see a red-head woman with gleaming eyes of blood thirst, closer this time. Then the red-head shape changes its face and we see a half man, half snarling wolf.]
“Molly…Molly…” it whispers in a soprano voice. Molly whips around.
“What, you found my adorable sweater, Mom?” Nobody or nothing is standing there.
[Close-up: Molly and above her head is the thing! Its claws are encircling Molly’s slender neck. Its wolf mouth is filling up with drool. Its eyes have nearly popped out. Molly still notices nothing. Then finally she hears a faint, hoarse sound of a person, hard of breathing, behind her. She whips back around. Nothing is there. Cut to Interior: Molly’s closet. We peek through Molly’s classy fashions and see a puzzled Molly. Molly reaches for the hangers, toward us…Cut to Interior: Back of Molly. Molly is reaching for her clothes. A hand lands on Molly’s shoulder. Molly screams.]
“Ah! Momma!! Get away from me!! Ah! Help me! Ah!!” She starts swapping at the hand with her eyes closed. The hands grab her wrists firmly. Molly screams even louder.
“Molly! Calm down! The neighbors are going to wonder what’s going on at our house! And you’re still not done showering? Gracious! Hurry up, Molly.” Bobby glares at Molly, annoyed. Molly stops screaming and slowly opens her eyes to the sight of her mother.
“You know, I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t let you go with Jason and Riley anymore to watch those foolish horror movies,” declares Bobby.
“No! No! I’m fine. Really, I’m fine and you can let me go with Jason,” Molly persuades her mom, lost in her thoughts. Bobby sighs.
“Go. Now,” she points Molly in the direction of the bathroom. Molly quickly slides into the room.
[Cut to Interior: We peer out from the closet. We quickly concede as Bobby glances around. Cut to Interior: Bobby’s point of view. ]
What is that noise, wonders Bobby. She heads for her room. Distinctly, she notices a silhouette of a gargantuan tail waving around.
“Mosey?” giggles Bobby, “Your supper is also ready in eight minutes. Hasten now. You’re having tuna, your favorite!”
[Bobby retreats back down the stairs. Heavy breathing…humph…humph…Floor creaks with every footstep in the direction of the steamy room. Camera: pan back to Bobby’s bedroom. A calico house cat lies lifeless next to the wooden bureau. ]
“‘Well, he came down to Earth…I said Mr. Purple People Eater, don’t eat me…It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying Purple People Eater. It sure looks strange to meeee!’” Molly sings at the top of her lungs.
[Camera: zoom out. We observe the scene of, what looks like, a monster in agony covering up its ears. Then the music ends and Molly ceases singing, and the creature continues lumbering over to the shower room. Meanwhile, we will blast off to a planet on the far, far, far eastern edge of the Milky Way for a short bit. Exterior: A purple planet with green spots al over it. Camera: continue zooming in. We fly over the bumpy surface en route for a towering palace made of an alien sponge-like material. We open squeaky doors after creaky doors and finally... Interior: A humungous court aligned with rubies and sapphire gems incorporated into the stone walls. On a risen platform sit two huge pure gold thrones. Two gargling aliens are gossiping.]
“King Kota, what is our next approach. Remember we must hasten. Our time is running out. The prisoner has escaped and the rest of the universe is in major disaster.”
“Don’t be troubled, my dear Queen Quinn. We will very soon find this criminal and punish him. The rest of the universe will have no contact with ‘The Great Evil G’ whatsoever.”
“I’m worried, King. What if Gopher—”
“Q-tie pie, how many times do I have to warn you not to say that?”
“Oh. I’m real sorry; I’m just so used to calling him Gopher since he is my younger sibling. Oh! I miss him so!” Queen Quinn starts crying.
[Okay, now let’s return back to our quaint little house in Chaska. Camera: fast forward to dinner with the Peabody’s. Doorbell rings and the Beetles come in. First enters Hillary, then Gregory, then their three kids Veronica, Lucas, and Sam.]
“Mrs.…Peabody…thank…you…for…inviting…us…normal…neighbors…over…for…dinner,” greets Mrs. Hillary Beetles robotically.
“Sure, that’s no problem at all!” Bobby says cheerfully as she guides them towards the table. “We’re having my famous roasted chicken a la Bobby and a side dish of mashed potatoes. There’s also creamy corn, Chinese Shrimp Fried Rice, baked beans, and sundaes for desert. Doesn’t that sound delicious?”
“You sound delicious,” Mr. Gregory Beetles accidentally slips out. Bobby recoils.
“Of course he means you make it sound so delicious! My dad is just hilarious!” Sam bursts out laughing. “We—uh—come from Bu—Bur…”
“Burma! We come from Burma. Ha! Ha! Burma, all the way on the other side of you geeks…guys!” Veronica adds consecutively. Bobby looks astonished.
“Umm…I’m Bobby and I’m from here. Welcome and we hope you stay long.”
“Oh, no; we won’t be long. It’ll just take us a nanosecond. We just have to go upstairs and capture The Big Evil G and—” Gregory begins but is cut off by a kick under the table by Sam. “Ouch! I—I mean, ouch! Something just hit me. I mean, something just hit me in the head. I mean—”
“Yes, I know what you mean! You will just be talking and then you just suddenly remember something and it sometimes is very painful! I mean, it just comes like this…” cackles Bobby and snaps her fingers.
“Yes…that…is…what…we…normal…aliens—people…mean…” Hillary says.
“I know you don’t know me that well, but I can understand you perfectly if you talk any faster.”
“Man,amIrelievedtohearthat!AtfirstIthought—” blabbers Hillary.
“On the other hand, what do I know about you? The way you were speaking before is perfectly fine.” Hillary sighs reluctantly.
“Well, I don’t want to brag, but how did you know I have a daughter?” asks Bobby suspiciously.
“Uh…uh…” Hillary looks around the table for help.
“Because we’ve heard a lot about her from…” Veronica looks down at the palm of her hand, “from…Mr.…Jeebies.”
“It’s Mr. Jibbers.” The whole Beetles family gasps and scrambles for cover.
“They’ve discovered us! Arm yourselves!” Gregory shouts diving behind a couch.
“Whoa! Whoa! What? What are you talking about?”
“We’re talking about you finding out that we are—” Sam puts a hand over his mouth. Bobby just stares at them.
“Let’s…eat!” Hillary changes the subject.
“That’s a great idea!” Veronica psyches up. Bobby slowly uncoils.
“Sure…I’ll just go get Molly.”
“You hear that, Lucas?” Sam whispers to Lucas, who has been silent ever since they entered the house. “The victim’s name is Molly. You know what you have to do. Find her and…don’t disappoint King Kota and Queen Quinn, Brother.” Lucas nods and stealthily glides up the stairs.
[Extreme close-up: Molly is applying mascara. Camera: pan out. Cut to Interior: in the sink. We look up to see Molly’s nostrils. Hmm…bad view. Cut to Interior: a glance from bathroom door. In the mirror there is a reflection of a fiery head of a viper. For an instant Molly gasps and twirls around. Nothing is there.]
I need to hurry up and do it already, thinks the figure, I can already smell them here; stupid girl. Then he strikes! He extends his neck out and BAM! Molly’s towel falls from her body and she ducks coincidently. The shape’s head melts into the glass for a split second before it returns back to its body. Err, the figure mumbles. Then, as he planned for another strike, he caught the strongest scent of his worst nightmare and he retreats back into the sink. Lucas appears…
“Ah! Mama!” screams Molly running towards her room.
“Ah! Mommy!” screams Lucas running down the stairs.
“Long live King Kota and Queen Quinn!” exclaims Gregory as he runs toward the stairs.
“Molly!” screams Bobby desperately.
“WhathappenedLucas?Didyoufail?” blabbers Hillary.
“My eyes! I have been blinded! I saw…” Lucas shivers.
[Close-up: Molly putting on her black crocheted sweater in her dark room. A shadow creeps into the room and then the door busts open. Bobby enters.]
“Molly! Are you okay? What happened?”
“Oh, Mama, you should’ve seen! Move out of my way! I have a boy to beat up.”
“Whoa. Slow down there, Girlie. What did he exactly do to you? He just got here.”
“You want to know what he did? You want to know what he did! He saw everything!” Molly starts crying. Bobby embraces Molly.
“Come on, Molly. One dinner and you can avoid him for the rest of your night.”
“Only for the rest of the night? What?”
“He’s going to attend Franklin’s Middle School too,” Bobby reluctantly smiles. Molly explodes and then recomposes herself.
[Close-up: Lucas’s face looking up to his family. Camera: pan over to the stairway where Molly and Bobby are coming down majestically.]
“Who else is starving? I sure am! Let’s really go eat now,” exclaims Molly.
At the table everyone gobbles down the delicious meal and laughs as someone secretly and enviously watches from upstairs. Neither Molly nor Bobby sensed it, but the Beetles sure did. They kept glancing up and smirking at the shadow. The shadow also knew…Their plan was in motion and everything counted on Lucas. For now, Lucas proceeded accordingly; he and Molly were beginning to form a friendship.
“Hey, Mama, can Lucas stay overnight?” Molly pleads sweetly.
“Is it alright with his parents?” Bobby looks over at the Beetles couple.
“Of…course…it…is!” agrees Hillary.
“What better way to destroy…I mean acquaint than sleeping over at the victim’s…I mean host’s?” stammers Gregory excitedly.
[Time: five hours later. It is 10:30pm. Molly and Lucas are alone on Molly’s bed.]
“I’m so happy you moved here! So tell me again how your family is with all these awesome adventures.”
“I’m real glad I’m staying for awhile too but, Molly, it is late now. Goodnight.”
“Oh, okay. Goodnight, Lucas.”
[Time: 3:00am. A shadow flashes past Bobby’s and Lucas’s room down the stairs. There is a noise of a quiet laughter and licking of lips. Then…CRASH! BANG! CLANK! WHAP! Pots and pans fall onto the kitchen tile floor. Precious flower vases teeter over and the lights flicker on and off rapidly. Now Bobby is awake right away. Then ZOOM! A shadow bursts rudely into Molly’s room and there are more noises of licking of lips. As the figure pounces upon Molly, Lucas appears from out of under the bed and kicks him to the wall. Now Molly arouses and shrieks. Bobby bangs on the door. The shape lounges at Molly again and Molly is horrified. Again, Lucas tackles the form down but this time pins him to the floor.]
“Gopher, Gopher, Gopher…No matter how many times you run away, I will track you down, my Big Brother. However, this time you are totally unforgivable. Obey!” Lucas commands sternly as he locks a spell on Gopher. Molly has fainted.
“Oh, Lucas, have mercy on me in the blessed name of King Kota and Queen Quinn!”
“How dare you fool speak of the royal highnesses’ names! You are too lowly! You should be especially ashamed of yourself for daring to harm yet another innocent Earthling.”
“No, no! This time I have a good reason! Rumors had it that on this planet, the human creatures crushed on each other, so I wanted to investigate what was so peculiar about crushing on people. I only wanted to crush on this young girl.”
“Indeed you would have crushed her! They mean that they have a liking for each other. Now, Brother, return home to Dumbo. You shall suffer the punishment of having to eat broccoli!”
“No!!! Not eating broccoli! Have mercy!!”
“Silence, Big Brother! Just help me put Molly back into her bed.” Molly had fainted on the floor. The brothers huffed and they puffed and they heaved Molly back into her bed. Now they had to seize the banging on the door. They walked out and Bobby fainted. Then they huffed and they puffed and they heaved her back into her bed. That’s when they came across Mosey, the calico cat.
“You just had to, didn’t you?” Lucas began to turn red in anger.
“I hate cats!”
“You just had to kill the poor guy and destroy the house?”
“Fine, I’ll bring him back to life! Abracadabra! Plus, I was hungry! You just had to eat in front of me! Fine, I’ll fix that too. Must I do everything?” Mosey shrieked and also fainted.
“Gosh! Are we really that hideous? Three things already fainted in less than five minutes.” Lucas remarks as he leads Gopher out into the starry night and unites with the other aliens. Distinctively, they board their spaceship and they disappear into the night. That is, until Gopher’s curiosity brings him back to Earth…
[Camera: Pans out. We see a vast sky with millions of shimmering stars. Camera: zoom into pitch black.]
“Mama…I had the weirdest dream…”