August 13, 5.59 P.M- You know, there was a time that I didn?t mind him, maybe even liked him. As a human. Maybe. I wanted you to be happy, that?s all. You?re more fun when you are.

What a mistake that was.
Went to Kay?s today. It?s her Birthday you know, well, actually, maybe you don?t. But it is. Just for your information.

It was fun. We ate a lot.
Tried calling you earlier, but the line was busy. I figured you were probably talking to him, so I didn?t call back. It would be a while.

It always is where he?s concerned. Not that I mind. Really, I don?t, so don?t ask. Really.

September 13, 8:47 a.m- I?m writing this while on the bus. Not fun. I can assure you. It smells in here?an odd combination of feet and?something else. I?d prefer not to know.

There?s only one other kid on here. He has really messy hair.
It?s raining. I?m bored.

So what?s new? I probably have some homework that I haven?t completed?there?s always something. If you were here you?d make some comment about how I need to become more organized. I know. Really I do.

But you?re not. You?re somewhere, I don?t know, probably at home or on your way to school right now. And I?m on this bus. This stinky bus.

I wonder if I?ll have a lot of homework tonight? Probably. Usually I do, and this is eighth grade. Time to step it up.

I?ll probably call you tonight. The line was busy last night, so I didn?t call back. I think it was him. Probably.

Anyways, I?ll call you. Or something.

Another kid is getting on. He?s really short.

September 25, 4:56 p.m- Just recently got home. I have a lot of homework, but that doesn?t really matter. I?ll get around to it. Eventually?

I will. It?s been a while since I?ve looked at this thing. Well only a few weeks really, if you put it into proportion. Only a few.

Its been crammed beneath my crap for those few weeks, becoming acquainted to my other forgotten papers. I don?t know where I put last night?s worksheet. I should probably find that.

So, Alexa and I were talking. We do that occasionally you know, and you came up. We weren?t talking bad, really. Just discussing.

You know you?re different when you?re around him right? A totally different person. We both agree. But we don?t mind, I guess. Well, I don?t.

As long as your happy right? Right?

We don?t like him. Not really, but we tolerate him. Because you?re our friend and we want you to be happy.

I wonder when I?ll actually show you any of this. Probably never. You don?t need to know that I?ve been rehearsing what I?ll say to you. How creepy is that?

Anyways, the homework is glaring at me now. Suppose I?ll leave. It just started to rain.

October 5, 5:46 p.m.- Got tooth paste in my hair this morning. I now have a really, really stupid mat under my hair. Brush doesn?t work. I guess I?ll just rip it out in the shower. Hopefully I wont have to cut it. That would suck.

And like my hair, today was suck-ish too. A lot. Just like my stupid, stupid hair?which is still a huge knot by the way. Not like you care, though. Actually, you?re probably with him right now. Talking to him on the phone or whatever.

Or maybe you?re talking to Emily? Talking about him? That?s all you ever seem to do. That?s all our conversations are based off of now right? You do realize this right?

Sometimes I just want to scream at you. I guess I just don?t get it. Probably never will. Why do you love him? That?s the word you used.

Love.

Do you really? Or do you just think you do? Sometimes I wonder this, probably more times than I should. You?re really young you know?you?ve probably already thought about that. Stupid me. But really.

Is he worth it? And no. Don?t answer.

I already know really. I think I did from the moment you called me this summer. You remember that time right? You were crying.

I tried to help, really I did, but the whole time on the phone I couldn?t get that thought out of my head. That stupid, stupid thought. I?m pretty sure anyways, that it wasn?t me that you wanted on the other end.

So yeah. Today sort of sucked.



October 17, doesn?t matter what time really- I told you not to! I warned you time and time again. But you?re stupid! Do you know that? Do you know how stupid you are!?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

You know how I said that you would loose all of your friends if you did? Do you remember that? I?m pretty sure you do.

Well, I won? t leave. Even though I should. God, why are you so stupid? Why?

You just couldn?t see him could you? Just couldn?t see what he was really like! He said all the right stuff?everything you wanted to hear?and in no time you were his. Like a sick little puppet. That really bugs me you know?

Though, no, I suppose you don?t really. You didn?t even consider how this would affect anyone else did you? Selfish.

I tried to tell you didn?t I? I told you what would happen! Just look at where you are now. It?s pathetic. I?m so angry! I can?t even think.

You?re stupid. Never talk to me again! I might kill you if you did.

Stupid. Selfish.

And he wasn?t even worth it was he? No. Through my eyes he never was. I knew it from the beginning too.

I?m tired. It?s late, and I have a test to study for. You?re not worth worrying over. Not anymore.

But I care. And god I wish I didn?t. Really wish I didn?t. But because I care, I?ll cuss him out for you, and call him every bad name in the book tomorrow at school. In front of everyone. I?ll be the best friend that asks ?It?s because your gay right??

And only because I care. Unfortunately.