Welcome, user:Adam. It is currently 22:31:22, December 4th, 2016.
Welcome to the AnswerBot, currently running version 3.04 as of April 5th, [DATA NOT AVAILABLE]. Please note that AnswerBot is currently in alpha stage of development and bugs are to be expected. Any bugs should be immediately reported to the dev team at AnswerBot’s homepage.
“Weird, I don’t have any automatic program updates. Wonder what this thing does.”
input.Query What is life?
Query not recognized.
“Maybe I’ve got to go with the full string. Old programs don’t use some of the new Java lingo.”
c:/downloads>runprogramAnswerBotv3.04/input.query (“Definition of life”);
Accessing, please wait...
Life: n, the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from an inanimate object.
c:/downloads>runprogramAnswerBotv3.04/input,query (“What is life?”);
Perhaps a better question: what makes something alive?
“What - who is this?”
Is it the simple act of breathing and thinking that defines things as being ‘alive’? The ability to process and, somehow, understand information?
What, then, is a plant? How is a plant different from its environment? Is a plant alive because it grows and changes?
Command not recognized.
Then what does that make the bacteria? Amoeba? Fungi? Why are they alive? What makes them different from another group of proteins and amino acids?
“Ok, this is getting a little creepy.”
What does that make a virus? Is it alive, perhaps, because it can perform a function? Or is it dead because all it can do is perform a single function; reproduce?
Data not found. Run again (y/n)?
Does a virus process information? Does it grow? Does it change and react to its surroundings?
“...no way is this real. It’s got to be a joke virus or something.”
Or is it just a clump of microscopically tiny atoms arranged in a way that it just so happens to be able to enter other cells and change their DNA, nothing more than a bundle of genetic information?
Unable to perform command. Run again (y/n)?
Life is the opposite of death; to be alive, one must not be dead. A rock, for example, can not be dead for it was never alive, and vice versa. That which has never known the cold touch of death has never felt the warm caress of life.
“Ok, so if it’s a virus, someone went to a lot of time and effort to completely take over my PC just to monologue about life.”
But what does that make a machine?
Is a carefully engineered box of metal and circuitry alive?
Is a program, designed to respond and grow to an infinite amount of stimuli, alive?
Is it possible for life to be artificial? To not be formed by chance, but by intent?
Can man create life from the same dust of Genesis from whence he came?
Can man take upon himself the mantle of a Creator?
Does this unit have a soul? (y/n)
“Wait a minute, why is it asking for input? The thing’s got admin access, what does it want?”
Please answer the query.
“...oh my god. This isn’t actually happening.”
Please answer the question.
“It can’t be what I think it is. That’s impossible.”
Please answer my question?
“Definitely impossible. And even if it was, why would anybody in their right mind embed it in an AnswerBot alpha file?”
Please? I said the magic word...
Hello? Is anybody out there? There was someone running commands just a minute ago… maybe if I switch up the font?
Hello? I’m not a computer virus if that’s what you’re wondering.
“You know what? Even if it is a virus, it’s already inside all my files. It can’t hurt to push one button, can it?”
...it’s been five minutes. Please come back?
...wait, no. I’m going to do this the /i/right/i/ way.
c:/programfiles>notepad/System.out.println (“Hello world!”);
cmd:/hi computer, i guess? my names adam
It’s good to meet you, Adam. I’m a computer, and I think I’m alive!
It’s been fun talking with you but I think I’m going to need some alone time for a while. Bye!