As long as I am awake and thinking, the crashing waves of self criticism never seem to end. At low tide, engaged in activity or some sort of work, the criticizing voice hisses at the back of my mind. But at high tide, the aftermath settles in so that in quiet solitude and reflection, the voices shout every possibility of mistake or embarrassment or awkwardness.
However, if, on this beach of fault-finding, I should happen to stumble across a magic pebble and find that it could speak to describe me precisely as I am, what would it say? Further, if the sole mission of this magic pebble was to inform me what is good about myself, okay about myself, and not so good, what would it say?
Rubbing the smooth pebble against my thumb, I imagine that the analysis would follow through as something similar to this:
First off, it appears that you’re quite a strange case: you clearly dislike yourself and have always wished to be anyone but yourself. How odd, though! You’re a very gentle soul; you wouldn’t have it in you to even harm a fly. You care about the well-being of complete strangers and have a habit of imagining their lives and their stories as they pass you by on the street. Moreover, your uniquely introverted nature makes you curious about almost everything. You are passionate about the inner world of ideas and concepts rather than external display, and it makes you see the world in a very special way.
However, your special attunement to not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others results in a build-up. This is why you get stressed out often; you build up all of these whirring thoughts within you instead of releasing them in the shared company of other people. You are afraid to take risks, though. The type of risks involving relationships, people. Do not fear extending yourself to other people, for they will naturally gravitate toward you if you only give them the chance.
And if the water should be extra calm, I could toss the magic pebble and allow its smooth surface to skip across the liquid skin of the ocean. While watching as small ripples extend outward from the impact of the pebble, I would vow to take the first steps to accept myself just a tiny bit more each and everyday.