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The Color Of The Inside Of My Mouth This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

I wipe at my stupid eyes with the back of my hand, and it startles me for a second that my tears are gray. I dunno why it surprised me; I mean, I buy the s***ty mascara that’s $1.99 in the 20 Items or Less checkout lane. Why spend oodles of green on something I hardly ever use?

I just wanted to look nice, you know? Like those girls who’re just naturally fake pretty. The girls who can blend shades of eyeshadow like no one’s business, and match their lipstick to the exact color of their toenail polish or whatever. Seemingly effortless, yet impeccably coordinated.

This is good stuff, I should write for a living – solely on the subject of beauty queens with superiority complexes, of course.

I just want … God, what do I want? I want to feel the sun on my face and paint the clouds and hear the music in the trees and love myself and love someone else and just feel perpetually beautiful.

But that requires the $14.99 waterproof, fire-retardant, Grade-5-hurricane-resistant mascara, not the tube that’s two bucks in Lane 4.

My shoes are dirty and outdated, but that’s how I like them. I like these shoes. They’re comfortable. Why do I need new, expensive, fashionably appealing shoes in order for someone to say, “Hey dogg, you look nice today”?

And why is it that whenever I get deathly bored and slather cheap, pore-clogging makeup all over my face everyone suddenly says, “Wow, you look pretty!”? Since when is “pretty” about whale blubber and cocoa butter?

I’ll tell you one thing, though. I most definitely am not crying about some stupid XY.

Definitely not.

I’m crying for all the whales that have to give up their fatty insulation so that some fugly anorexic super bitch can paint herself pretty every freaking day, giving him something halfway decent to oggle all the time.

Seriously, I’m not leaking saltwater over a guy.

I just think it’s cruel and unfair that the fat-endowed marine life population doesn’t even get the slightest warning that they’ll soon be on a cosmetics endcap at K-Mart.

He could have at least broken it to me gently, you know? We’ve been friends since the George Bush/Al Gore debacle.

I mean come the Bette Midler on.

I spill my blood, guts, and viscera out to this guy and he throws down the “Let’s just be friends” card without a second thought?

It’s just … it’s common courtesy to ease someone into heartbreak, not smash it over their head like a whiffleball bat.

You know what? I’m going to take my $1.99 checkout Lane 4 mascara and chuck it right at her big, stupid square head.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 475 comments. Post your own now!

Dragonscribe said...
Oct. 2, 2010 at 1:20 am

This is from your journal? It's true?

I know how you feel - I never where makeup because whenever I do I may look prettier but I start crying because it's just not me. I want to be pretty without needing to paint myself into something else.

Iluvmybff said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 7:48 pm
Nice job, I totally know where your comeing from. If that makes sence.
RavenBird said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 7:06 pm
I know exactly what you're talking about.
SarahBelle said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Great piece! I love the point of view and it's very well written. And the powerful reference to a common object (like the $1.99 mascara) really puts an edge to the work. I love it :)
teenage_drama_queen93 said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 5:03 pm

i completely agree with this article. dangit, never waste your time over an unappreciative guy! i like that you kept referencing the $1.99 mascara, too.


check out "weakling". it has a similar voice, but a different idea.

TattooedSoulOfManyColors said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Nice! Love your style =)
Emmy13329 said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I love this's true i really agree with everything u said ,good job,don't  u dare stop:)


AbbieLou said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Your Story is amazing, your so talented. Never stop!
pinkypromise23 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 12:04 pm
this is amazing and i espically love the title(:
.babycakes. said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 9:48 am
i really love the way you worded things. you choose to actually describe things which made it more interesting to read.honestly i read a small preview of this and i felt this urge that i had to read it. it must be interesting at some level. which it definately was. actually reading this almost makes me not want to wear make-up anymore. i dnt feel like im a plastic prep or anything but i do enjoy wearing makeup. definately not as much as some girls where they actaully look fake as you described. ... (more »)
xovanillatwilightxo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:47 am
I love this. So much. It's entertaining and filled with raw emotion...oh and I love the title haha. Very creative! Check out my work if you (or anyone else that sees this) want to, feedback is much appreciated =]
hollytomally6345 said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 9:47 pm
I love your pice very much. But, I thought it was a little wobbly. It made me confused when you went to the whales then the liking of a boy and then queen bees. But, at the end it started making sense on what you were talking about. The writing is awesome and it sounds truly from the heart. Great job!
Let_It_Be said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 9:32 pm
wow. great!
Shminkanator5000 said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 8:33 pm
it's hard to believe that this is from your journal, I found it hilariously sarcastic at times and I loved how you worded everything and stayed consistent with the 1.99 mascara bit. ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!
liv.laf.love13 said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 10:48 am
This is wonderful! I love the point that its trying to make its so true!! LUV IT
Smoothieheart said...
Aug. 18, 2010 at 5:09 pm
love it, and love her point of view. love the end, and the character. great job.
LadyInBlack said...
Aug. 18, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Lol, kinda comical, I love it.. Don't need makeup to be pretty, actually females look better without it ! Natural beauty. Touches alot of topics, I likeee. ;)
Nicole A. said...
Aug. 4, 2010 at 11:03 pm

ok so i het the part about he whales dieing for makeup and the queen bees wearing it everyday just for a guy but hen you talk about this guy so wait did he dumb you for some qeen bee because if not that dosent make much sence but it is crazy about the make up stuff absolutley crazy but it was written well


darkangel09 said...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 10:28 pm
I agree! it's so screwed up! wonderfully writen!
taylorbee233 replied...
Jul. 28, 2010 at 11:34 pm
i really feel like im you when i read this. You're vivid wording makes it great to understand your pain! keep writing!!
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