Cabin Fever MAG

By Christopher Quiroz, San Diego, CA

I could hear a man breathing, slow and steady. The sound was enough to stir me from my slumber. I opened my eyes carefully, but my attempts to see were futile.

Unlike in the city, there were no lights to illuminate the night around my vacation home. It was a gloomy night, and the woods could be so dark. The sharp objects that had filled my sight in the day were replaced now by ominous figures that blended into the darkness.

Another sound to my right. What is it? Who is it? There can’t be anyone out there; there can’t be anyone in here. It is impossible.

I was choking on fear, and I could only imagine how blue my face had become. My brain couldn’t compute this silence, and I was left with a ringing in my ears. Without any reference to time, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

My body tingled, and curiosity called me to action. Slowly I slipped a foot off the bed and searched for the floor. It was colder than I expected. The bed creaked and the floor cracked as my body stiffened from the shock. All was lost now – he was aware of my consciousness.

I had no choice but to thrust my body out of bed. I could hear him react with lightning speed through the house. Was he running? No, he was going to finish the job.

I ran across the room, or at least I attempted to. There isn’t a whole lot of successful running in the dark. I bruised my legs on the furniture, and I scraped my chest on the mantle. Even in the absence of light, there was no mistaking the blood that now ran down my torso.

I had to keep going. What had tormented me as a child was now here. It would be different this time though. The sounds were so close, I could feel him. I had to do something before he did. It was time to act.

I reached for the fire poker. I didn’t even think about what I did next. I had trained myself – I was prepared. There was a satisfying thud, and I knew it was over. I dropped the poker, and found the light switch that had previously eluded me. I needed to see what I had accomplished, whom I had defeated. But with the flick of the switch, I could see no reason to celebrate … only a broken mirror, and my own bloody reflection.



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This article has 72 comments.


on Jan. 22 at 3:03 am
BBerends SILVER, Tirana, Other
6 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No you've got, yes, you can get

Great story with an unexpected ending!

This is great. Excellent. I love it.

on Oct. 11 2017 at 11:43 pm
WritingAddict03 SILVER, Saint Peters , Missouri
5 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

This is what I gathered, too. I really enjoyed it!!

on Oct. 11 2017 at 11:42 pm
WritingAddict03 SILVER, Saint Peters , Missouri
5 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

This is AMAZING!!!! Definitely keep writing!

a.arzu BRONZE said...
on Sep. 12 2017 at 1:25 pm
a.arzu BRONZE, Moscow, Other
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

on May. 3 2017 at 7:26 pm
HereSheIs BRONZE, Wellesley, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 192 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato

Suspenseful with a nice twist ending that's got some interesting possibilities attached

on Jun. 29 2016 at 8:28 am
ScienceSpirit GOLD, Newtown, Pennsylvania
14 articles 1 photo 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact." ~William James

To me, this brilliant story suggests that often what we are most afraid of is ourselves, our thoughts and imagination.

CianaB GOLD said...
on Jan. 27 2016 at 5:08 pm
CianaB GOLD, Kennett Square, Pennsylvania
12 articles 0 photos 34 comments
The ending is so unexpected. This piece of writing created so much suspense. It's almost like a page from a real mystery book. Feel free to check out my work as well. I would really appreciate it.

whiterose GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2012 at 11:57 am
whiterose GOLD, Independence, Missouri
14 articles 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
The future lies before you, like a field of fallen snow; be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

This story is full of suspense...I love it.  I didn't expect the end to be like that.  Great job!!  Can you check out some of my work?

on Apr. 18 2012 at 3:08 pm
ScienceLover PLATINUM, Colden, New York
28 articles 1 photo 20 comments

I remember when I first read this! This piece is what originally got me on TeenInk four years ago.

Still to this day, this piece is amazing and keeps the reader reading.


on Dec. 30 2011 at 10:55 pm
otherpoet SILVER, Wayland, Massachusetts
6 articles 9 photos 254 comments

Favorite Quote:
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone." - Audrey Hepburn

Wow this was so full of suspense! I could feel my heart race as I read this. Super job!

on Dec. 8 2011 at 4:36 pm
12989kdsljf BRONZE, Shaker Heights, Ohio
1 article 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary. It may last a second, a minute, a day, or a year, but eventually it will be replaced by something else. Giving up, however- that's permanent."

Beautiful description, and the plot is both intruiguing and gives the reader a lot to think about.  A little confusing, but it made sense once I thought things out.  The anticlimactic ending actually works to the benefit of the story in this case, leaving you with a sense of 'what happens next?'  Overall, I love the piece :)

on Dec. 8 2011 at 4:28 pm
12989kdsljf BRONZE, Shaker Heights, Ohio
1 article 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is temporary. It may last a second, a minute, a day, or a year, but eventually it will be replaced by something else. Giving up, however- that's permanent."

As far as I can tell, the protagonist has 'cabin fever', meaning that they are very paranoid, and believe that they hear a man in the same place they are.  What tormented them as a child was more paranoia, and possibly nightmares.  However, when they turn on the light, they find that there was nobody there and that they had attacked their own reflection in the mirror.

This is just my take on things from how I read it, but it seems to make sense. 


BadGirl GOLD said...
on Dec. 8 2011 at 2:37 pm
BadGirl GOLD, Dacula, Georgia
13 articles 10 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be HATED for who I am
then be LOVED for who I'm not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I need is for someone to say "I believe in you."

WOW I loved the ending!

on Nov. 16 2011 at 8:18 pm
WithEyesWideOpen BRONZE, Wayne, Pennsylvania
2 articles 22 photos 242 comments

Favorite Quote:
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Woah, breathatking ending. Great job!

Kzehr said...
on Nov. 16 2011 at 9:58 am
Kzehr, Castorland, New York
0 articles 27 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself." Harvey S. Firestone

beautiful piece, scared me senseless

LASwan SILVER said...
on Oct. 25 2011 at 8:32 pm
LASwan SILVER, Yukon, Oklahoma
5 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't worry about the world endng today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.
-Charles Schultz

Chilling, thrilling, all-consuming! Perfect horror tale, short enough to raise the blood pressure. Mind checking out some of my works?

on Oct. 25 2011 at 7:16 pm
Victoria.S BRONZE, Dallas, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Someday you will look back and know exactly why it had to happen."

I understand this completely. It was a fantastic piece, and close to Halloween time. Very eerie! Keep up the good work, you have a fantastic talent to share! :)

 


on Oct. 25 2011 at 3:51 pm
SomethingLikeFire BRONZE, Mchenry, Illinois
1 article 1 photo 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pippin: What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?" -
-- The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring

i just read it three times. i still don't get it. really discriptive but i still don't get ehat your discribing.

. said...
on Aug. 20 2011 at 1:03 pm
I don't get it. What was tormenting the protagonist as a child? What does the title have to do with the story? Why did the protagonist think that it was impossible for someone to enter the cabin? Where does the intruder go? This story has very vivid lines, but it clearly lacks a denoument.


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