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Cabin Fever This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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I could hear a man breathing, slow and steady. The sound was enough to stir me from my slumber. I opened my eyes carefully, but my attempts to see were futile.

Unlike in the city, there were no lights to illuminate the night around my vacation home. It was a gloomy night, and the woods could be so dark. The sharp objects that had filled my sight in the day were replaced now by ominous figures that blended into the darkness.

Another sound to my right. What is it? Who is it? There can’t be anyone out there; there can’t be anyone in here. It is impossible.

I was choking on fear, and I could only imagine how blue my face had become. My brain couldn’t compute this silence, and I was left with a ringing in my ears. Without any reference to time, I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours.

My body tingled, and curiosity called me to action. Slowly I slipped a foot off the bed and searched for the floor. It was colder than I expected. The bed creaked and the floor cracked as my body stiffened from the shock. All was lost now – he was aware of my consciousness.

I had no choice but to thrust my body out of bed. I could hear him react with lightning speed through the house. Was he running? No, he was going to finish the job.

I ran across the room, or at least I attempted to. There isn’t a whole lot of successful running in the dark. I bruised my legs on the furniture, and I scraped my chest on the mantle. Even in the absence of light, there was no mistaking the blood that now ran down my torso.

I had to keep going. What had tormented me as a child was now here. It would be different this time though. The sounds were so close, I could feel him. I had to do something before he did. It was time to act.

I reached for the fire poker. I didn’t even think about what I did next. I had trained myself – I was prepared. There was a satisfying thud, and I knew it was over. I dropped the poker, and found the light switch that had previously eluded me. I needed to see what I had accomplished, whom I had defeated. But with the flick of the switch, I could see no reason to celebrate … only a broken mirror, and my own bloody reflection.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 64 comments. Post your own!

whiteroseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 28 at 11:57 am:
This story is full of suspense...I love it.  I didn't expect the end to be like that.  Great job!!  Can you check out some of my work?
 
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ScienceLoverThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 18 at 3:08 pm:

I remember when I first read this! This piece is what originally got me on TeenInk four years ago.

Still to this day, this piece is amazing and keeps the reader reading.

 
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otherpoetThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 30, 2011 at 10:55 pm:
Wow this was so full of suspense! I could feel my heart race as I read this. Super job!
 
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aaetha said...
Dec. 8, 2011 at 4:36 pm:
Beautiful description, and the plot is both intruiguing and gives the reader a lot to think about.  A little confusing, but it made sense once I thought things out.  The anticlimactic ending actually works to the benefit of the story in this case, leaving you with a sense of 'what happens next?'  Overall, I love the piece :)
 
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BadGirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 8, 2011 at 2:37 pm:
WOW I loved the ending!
 
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sunriseusnset said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 8:18 pm:
Woah, breathatking ending. Great job!
 
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KzehrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 9:58 am:
beautiful piece, scared me senseless
 
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LASwan said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm:
Chilling, thrilling, all-consuming! Perfect horror tale, short enough to raise the blood pressure. Mind checking out some of my works?
 
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Victoria.SThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 7:16 pm:

I understand this completely. It was a fantastic piece, and close to Halloween time. Very eerie! Keep up the good work, you have a fantastic talent to share! :)

 

 
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RaindanceMaggieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm:
i just read it three times. i still don't get it. really discriptive but i still don't get ehat your discribing.
 
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. said...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:03 pm:
I don't get it. What was tormenting the protagonist as a child? What does the title have to do with the story? Why did the protagonist think that it was impossible for someone to enter the cabin? Where does the intruder go? This story has very vivid lines, but it clearly lacks a denoument.
 
aaetha replied...
Dec. 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm :

As far as I can tell, the protagonist has 'cabin fever', meaning that they are very paranoid, and believe that they hear a man in the same place they are.  What tormented them as a child was more paranoia, and possibly nightmares.  However, when they turn on the light, they find that there was nobody there and that they had attacked their own reflection in the mirror.

This is just my take on things from how I read it, but it seems to make sense. 

 
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citylightsgirl93 said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 5:29 pm:
this was really good! it made me wonder who they were afraid of from their childhood. good job!
 
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qui133This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 11:57 am:
broken mirrors and fire pokers...your writting has the uality of a lurid dream.
 
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springdance said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 6:15 pm:
Great story! I know how everything looks and sounds different at night, in the dark. You really captured fear.
 
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MysteryHeart said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 11:05 am:
that was soooooo GOOD
 
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LASwan said...
Sept. 24, 2010 at 10:08 pm:
Everyone knows this feeling of misplaced paranoia, and you nialed it perfectly. Mind taking a look at my works?
 
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living4God said...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 4:21 pm:
that was really good! write more! and please read my article!(i know that's probably annoying)
 
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Darkchloe14 said...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 3:57 pm:
LOVED IT!!!
 
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Macx14This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 10:19 pm:
DUDE!! I'm sitting in my room at like eleven at night reading; you scared the HECK out of me, haha. Great descriptions, keep writing:)
 
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AineAlyssa said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 3:50 am:
ok so im sitting here at three in the morning reading this. It scared me so bad...congrats it was an amazing adreniliene rush for me
 
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socrchik33 said...
Jul. 20, 2010 at 12:42 am:
i thought that the writing was great and that it was really good but to be honest i got kind of lost and confused. maybe its just me i dont know haha anyways good job :)
 
krzykrys replied...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 7:52 pm :
i agree it was a little confusing. i didnt understand it because at first i thought they were camping - talking about being used to city lights and all but at the end i finally understood. lol but im pretty easy to confuse.
 
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HTCARIA said...
Jun. 28, 2010 at 2:02 am:
Magnificent
 
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Sayaleung said...
May 15, 2010 at 12:33 pm:
You have an amazing talent for writing. Each suspenseful detail lingered with the dark image it created. The end raced faster and faster to stop with a (very good) anticlimactic image. In my opinion, anticlimactic parts can and do serve well for an author. You're amazing!
 
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Roccojb said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 9:05 pm:
WOW! i loved that storey... it was so good, you really have a talent for writing... keep up the good work =)
 
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CaliJayGrl8 said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm:
That was so amazing! I loved it!
 
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SonOfApollo said...
Feb. 16, 2010 at 3:23 pm:
Wow, that is awsome!
You really have a talent for writing
I wish I was that good
 
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EnzoFan said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 4:41 pm:
Wow this was very good, but I am slightly confused. You mention that the boy can hear a man breathing in the first paragraph, but then later you mention that he hears the man running downstairs, in which case he would not be able to hear him breathing. It may be that i do not understand, but overall this is very impressive and suspenseful. nice work.
 
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zman1This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 10:39 am:
What is your piece about? Other than that it is very well written but cyrptic.
 
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KatAnneThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:24 am:
Is this person crazy or kidnapped? Other than that. This was a very well written piece.
 
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Adele C. said...
Jan. 25, 2010 at 7:23 am:
This was so suspenseful! I really liked it... and I was completely surprised by the ending! Keep writing! ^_^
 
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novacekn said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 9:33 pm:
I really did not understand this piece. I got lost in the fifth paragraph when you started talking about getting out of bed. You could use a little bit of work on adding descriptive verbs such as "ran," in the sixth paragraph. Instead of saying, "blood ran down my torso," you could have said something like "as blood sped down my torso." I think you did a very good job on this piece except when I got lost and did not really understand this piece. Like I said, wo... (more »)
 
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MsChowD said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:37 pm:
nice!!
this is amazing!
only prob i see is inconsistency at the first.
very good!!
 
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screenname! said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 5:28 pm:
lol-now that was good!
 
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PurpleMidnightThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 8:21 am:
This sis absolutley astounding! This really does capture cabin fever.
 
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legolas_elfThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 7:29 am:
Oh, by the way, my piece is in the free write poetry section.
 
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legolas_elfThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 29, 2009 at 7:27 am:
I love this story, the descriptions are great and the suspense is awesome. Like everybody else says, all I can say is WOW. Could you guys please check out some of my work, it's called I See, and its about the Jim Crow Laws, so , please read it and comment on it.
 
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LikeWoah<3This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 24, 2009 at 4:52 pm:
Nice use of vocabulary! The ending might have been better if you extended it but otherwise it was really good.
 
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Anjo! said...
May 19, 2009 at 6:19 am:
Woah.. that is freakishly awesome
 
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Matt H. said...
Apr. 22, 2009 at 11:21 pm:
Ok anyone who doesn't get this read the title... the guy has Cabin Fever A.K.A. he's extremely paranoid.
Great job, I would like a little more build up at the beginning. If you introduce the idea that the character is terrified too early in the story it does not have as much as an effect on the audience. Keep up the good work ;)
 
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Rebecca G. said...
Apr. 16, 2009 at 8:01 pm:
BRILLIANT!! i loved it, great ending, so descriptive! WOW!
 
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hola14 said...
Apr. 12, 2009 at 6:03 pm:
One word: wow! Great theme and ending.
 
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luvtwilight said...
Apr. 7, 2009 at 9:39 pm:
what happened? did the person kill himself? I was a little confused, but I guess that's my fault not yours.
 
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YeseniaG said...
Mar. 30, 2009 at 7:59 pm:
at one point i also thought it was the boogey man but i really liked the ending. great story. i actually like the length of it. cuts to the chase.
 
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uber epic noob pewner said...
Mar. 17, 2009 at 6:24 pm:
that was weir at first but wat was going through the cabin was it the wind .....also i though that it was the boogie man at one poit
 
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sallysunshine said...
Mar. 13, 2009 at 5:54 pm:
Very creative story. Keep on keepin on, champ.
 
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Taran, E. said...
Feb. 18, 2009 at 3:04 pm:
Ok I liked, it was really well done and i like the writing style. And i think you did a really good job. And whoever thinks this story is inappropriate i would like to have a word with about how this story in the least bit is inappropriate. Good job and i think you did well describing everything too! Keep it up!
 
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husa said...
Jan. 27, 2009 at 6:24 pm:
it is a inapriate story
 
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maggierocks11 said...
Jan. 21, 2009 at 10:09 pm:
good?
 
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