May 6, 2008
By Katie Ervin, Columbus, OH

HaKcA: Hello?
HaKcA: Hello?
HaKcA: I know you’re there.
HaKcA: Quit messing with my computer.
HaKcA: Seriously, man, I can’t even get on Internet Explorer.
HaKcA: Knock it off.
HaKcA: I know you’re there.
HaKcA: I traced the virus. It’s amazing what I can make this thing do.
HaKcA: I know you’re on your computer.
HaKcA: Quit with the virus.

Spydor: What if I don’t want to?

HaKcA: So you can understand English.

Spydor: Clearly.

HaKcA: Why are you attacking my computer?

Spydor: To see if I can.

HaKcA: Well, I think you’ve found out. Take it off.

Spydor: No.

HaKcA: Who are you?

Spydor: Black Widow. Who are you?

HaKcA: Black Widow? Nice name. It sounds like something made up by a 35 year old living in his mother’s basement. You know exactly who I am. You have access to everything on my hard drive. You could figure it out easily.

Spydor: What if I want an introduction? And I am living in anything but my mothers’ basement.

HaKcA: Too bad, scumbag. I’m not telling you diddly-squat.

Spydor: Alright Amy, we’ll do it your way.

HaKcA: I’m very scared now. I can hear the oven doors clanging shut from here.

Spydor: Do your parents know, Amy?


Spydor: No?

HaKcA: Oh, yeah, right. I’m just going to go up to my mom and say “Hey mom, did you have a good day at work? Oh, by the way, I can break into my school’s website.”

Spydor: But you don’t stop a school, do you, Amy?


Spydor: Please stop that.

HaKcA: Oh, so we’re being polite now, are we, Mr. Scummy-Spider?

Spydor: For the moment.

HaKcA: CLANG…! Alright, so what did I do to you?

Spydor: Leave my website alone.

HaKcA: Which one’s yours, Spiderman?

Spydor: See if you can guess.

HaKcA: How did you get the virus on my computer, anyways, Spidey? I’m pretty careful about stuff like that, and my firewall’s practically impenetrable.

Spydor: I didn’t put the virus on. You did, when you hacked my site. I have protection too.

HaKcA: Yeah?

Spydor: Yes. Then all I had to do was find out where it’d gone.

HaKcA: Nice. Very sophisticated. I’m impressed, arachnid. How do I clean it up?

Spydor: Thank you. It’s called Tarantula.

HaKcA: How do I clean it up?

Spydor: You don’t.

HaKcA: There goes Microsoft.

Spydor: Yes. It’s ridiculously easy to crash Bill Gate’s creations.

HaKcA: …And AOL…

Spydor: Yup.

HaKcA: …So long, iTunes…

Spydor: Your AIM should be next.

HaKcA: And there it goes.

Spydor: Would you like to know how it works?

HaKcA: Might as well.

Spydor: Originally there was one. Then it made an egg sack. Then they started to feed.

HaKcA: Oh, it’s one of THOSE viruses. You aren’t original, that idea’s been around, under a hundred names, for years. You just polished it up, gave it a catchy nickname, and sent it on its merry way.

Spydor: Basically, yes. But that doesn’t make it less effective.

HaKcA: I hate when people do that.

Spydor: Really?

HaKcA: So how do you feel, Spidey, about destroying a thirteen year old girl’s computer?

Spydor: Not guilty enough to stop the virus.

HaKcA: Hang on just a second; I think I know which website you were!

Spydor: Do tell.

HaKcA: You were the one who-……

Spydor: That would be the computer crashing. I wonder if she’ll ever be able to start it up again?

That was the story of a girl who stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. She changed one too many websites, and paid for it with her hard drive.

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