How to get Your Teacher to Hate You

December 1, 2012
Now that you are in Crane Middle’s Antarctica team, you will notice that Mrs. Guerrero, your new math teacher, is not simple to please let alone get to love you. So why waste your time and get her to like you when it’s easier to get her to loath every bone in your body. With this new and improved “How to Get Guerrero to Hate You in Ten Easy Steps” DVD, for only $99.95 plus $299.99 shipping and handling, you can effortlessly have a wicked teacher like this be utterly disgusted with you in a flash by constant talking and never having anything to do with those nasty test.
Always talk when the teacher is talking. No one cares what is being said so just go all out and be obnoxious. For example, she may be telling you the answers to your test you are about to receive, but who gives a rat’s butt. This just goes with number 3 and 8.example
Be the class clown. Everyone wants to hear the funny jokes you read offline last night. (If this is true, you have no life [just sayin’]) So forget what’s supposed to be getting done and just mess around. It’s much more fun than being the teachers pet, the natural kiss up. Appositive
Chatter to partners when testing. The test can wait for you to finish what you are saying. Everyone knows you’re much more important than 80% of their grades. So why worry and besides Guerrero doesn’t care but if she seems to be bothered don’t give her your time of day. Just continue on because they don’t like back talk. On the other hand go for it through it in her face that you are worth more than she and her stupid lessons will ever be worth. Statistic
Never complete tests but always draw pictures. There is close to nothing more that Guerrero hates than pictures on her tests. Drawing at least one per test to annoy the snot out of her will do just fine if you wish to achieve greatness in any other troublemakers’ books. Fact
Never take notes. You seem to be writing some notes, well don’t. There is a plethora of other things you can do with that paper. As we Antarcticans always say, “Make a paper airplane or two”. Guerrero’s face makes for a good target practice. Just be definite that it either is your partner’s or has their name on it. Be sure they are right next to you; she knows it came from your general direction. Quote
Be at least 10 minutes late. She will hate you with all of her evil, black heart if you continuously show up later than anyone else. Be sure to act like you own the place and it’ll be alright. Always have an excuse and you will be fine. Description
Steal and vandalize property. She will kill you if she finds out you did that, so once your done tell her that you just noticed it. She will be off the edge with the person who sits there prior to you. She might get so ticked with that someone, if it’s done just perfectly horrid, she might even call that person in to yell at them in front of your whole class. Then you get the satisfaction of seeing someone you don’t have any idea who they are get pulverized by her whales and whines.(make it interesting and draw her bigger hips and a wider rear end than usual, and be sure to emphasize her big mouth and horrible fashion sense) scenario
Fail all tests and don’t do any corrections. I had decided to do this last year and never got into trouble after the fourth time. Now she doesn’t expect them from me. So this just goes to show you that it is much easier no t to care what she yaps about. Anecdote
Never get parent signatures and comments. If you never get any of this Guerrero is likely to explode with anger but after many times of not doing so, she will be sure you never fail another test so you don’t have to work ever again, and it saves her the headaches, an easy ride to the top. Figurative language
When you get in trouble, deny EVERYTHING. When all else fails, your new best friend will be the words “I didn’t do it! I swear,” as I say. She will then get mad and blow up to say “Yes it was I saw you do it”. After this start crying, then ask worriedly if this will go on your permanent record and you will be considered innocent and have no worries. Always use puppy dog eyes to boost the affects of that “I’m innocent” kind of look. dialogue
So remember, in middle school, or even high school, it’s so much easier to get someone to hate you than it is to get them to worship your so called “awesomeness” (because only I am awesome) by no means stopping the talk and never touch those icky tests unless to draw. Staying in school doesn’t mean becoming a goody-goody; just because you can be doesn’t mean you should. As always stay ghastly to the sinister cabal, or clan of those who want to destroy you, and over excitable (about homework) teachers and act like it doesn’t matter because it really doesn’t. Remember, Facta Non Verba, deeds not words, does not matter when you are disguising this cryptic math teacher.

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