Sanity or Not?

February 7, 2008
By Alicia Mullenix, Cincinnati, IA

Reality hits and thus it lies cast away at my feet, the semblance of myself. The reasoning for it unknown, the cause for such being just in action. Reality itself can cause the subtle breaking of human sanity, leaving the now “insane” to examine the “sane” and see what sanity really means. Can the insane have more lucid thoughts than the sane? Is it truly possible for insanity to be better than sanity in its own way? Can an insane person know more about being sane than a sane person can? In reality am I insane or are they?

What is there to show the difference? Is there a way to show the facts or do they even exist in the first place? Is anything more than merely opinion? When it comes to sanity, I don’t believe there is. Sanity is where doctors’ opinions become the fact of people being either sane or insane. Outwardly, sane people can be entirely sane on the inside. Inwardly sane people can look insane on the outside, thus confusing the diagnosis.
This can oftentimes sway the opinion/facts of doctors. Those opinion/facts being swayed can be the difference between freedom and confinement, life and death. Freedom can cause death as readily as confinements in the lives of mental patients. One of which I probably should be, but remain not--due to some reason beyond my control. That reason at this point remains unnamed, for I do not know its origin, but neither do I know if I shall ever know. I seem to have lost my true sense of time. I see the numbers on the clock and calendar and know what they mean, but they do not seem to matter very much anymore. I truly do not miss them at all. I do not seem to care that they ever existed.
It’s at this so-called “breaking point” that I’ve realized that nothing really matters anymore. I simply do not care. It wouldn’t bother me if I never cared again. The things I once counted on seem trivial; they have no true effect in my life. People other than myself aren’t always such a great thing; they hide their opinions, they give opinions that aren’t theirs, and get this, sometimes they just outright lie. What good is that to me?
Some more open-minded doctors have begun to believe that one of the true markers of being crazy is the inability and refusal to deal with or be troubled by lies. Does that mean lies could be at the root of insanity? Perhaps sanity should be looked upon as the degree to which a person feels they’re a part of society and the world as a whole instead of how “crazy” they are. Maybe it’s more than a mere possibility that some psychiatric diseases are viewpoints. Then again they could also be what they’re looked at as now-tools that people’s minds use to deal with events and situations. Why should we try to take away something that could potentially help a person just because they don’t think or act exactly like we do?
It’s said that some of the world’s most intelligent people have been insane in their own right. If so, isn’t it possible that their genius was just that they had a different way of looking at situations or noticing something others don’t because of some mental difference? I see that as being a great injustice to the world at large as well as to the person herself. There is irony in it. Doctors are supposed to be very
intelligent beings, but yet they try to change how the most intelligent think or criticize them in some way for it. Is it jealousy perhaps? Maybe I’m as moronic as they believe, or on the other hand, a genius. Maybe there’s something just waiting to be discovered in me. My true personality may remain unhidden, but that doesn’t mean anyone will ever notice. It seems now that the struggle to remain sane was futile from the beginning. I refuse to put effort into being sane anymore. I’m not sure sane is really what I wish to be. I am Isabel, Patient #3689, maybe more, maybe less.

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