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The inspiration has left me.

I wish I could say I did not know why. But I do know. I know very well. And it saddens me beyond belief.

I beg it to come back. I carry my pad and pen with me to all places, at all times. I sit in locations where inspiration would be common for long, long hours. I free up my time, an hour a day at least, where I sit silently and wait, lest an idea, forgotten somewhere in the recesses of my mind, should come back.

But it does not. The ideas do not head my desperate calls. The inspiration has left me.

This is not how it always was. Before, the inspiration was a constant thing, never ceasing to nag at my mind. Ever present. Before, if an idea came to me and no paper was in my possession, I would quickly, quickly and urgently, find something to write it on. Even a napkin would do. And if I was even at a loss for that, then I would write the idea on my own skin. Sometimes the writing wouldn’t fade away from my arm for weeks.

But none of that bothered me. I was happy…..enough. I knew there was something missing in my life, though the joy I felt in writing was more than sufficient to bring many a smile to my face. But I knew I was missing love.

Funny, isn’t it, how twisted your image of something could be? How you can long for something, believe with every fiber of your being that if you had it, your life would be simply perfect…..yet, when it arrives, it only brings misery?


Oh, I found love. Perhaps a more suitable expression would be that it found me. He found me.

But the story of our joining is not relevant now. Or is it? I would be quite deceitful if I said I could answer that question. For I can’t, no more than I could find those ideas. Tiny events that would trigger a tiny lever in my brain, a lever that would open up a hatch, where ideas would come springing out as if they had been contained in the hatch for centuries. Centuries, I say! They would hop and hop about, and I’d write them all down, just to satisfy their urgent needs, just so they would quiet down.

The tiny events are still there. And so is the hatch. It’s the lever that’s missing.

The lever that my lover stole from me.

I love him so much. Oh, God truly knows how much I love him. He was my life, as I once was his. I remember the day he first said he loved me….he said, “I know now why I was brought to this earth. For you.”

That was the way he acted, too. He’d look at me like I was the most beautiful woman in the world. He’d sometimes do strange things, like absentmindedly grasping my hand or stroking my hair. And when I inquired as to why this was, he’d smile and say that he did so to make sure I wasn’t a dream.

We completed each other.

It baffles me how a love so flawless can collapse. Perhaps, if things such as this could fail, then there is no such thing as perfection.

I have just now, just now, my friend, realized that I am actually writing this down on paper.

Could the ideas be coming back?

Oh no. My heart just sank again, after it briefly rose. It is because I know that this is not an idea. This is not inspiration. This is not something that popped out of my hatch. This is not a fictional story I am writing about a girl named Kim or Sarah or Jeanette. Or better yet, a story about a quite romantic hero who is mourning over the parting of his beloved.

This is real. This is happening to me.

I think I truly understand it now. I know how it’s better not to have something at all, then to have it, enjoy it’s beauty and perfection and completion, and, after you’ve come to depend on it, have it mercilessly snatched away.

The inspiration has left me. The inspiration has left me.

Join the Discussion

This article has 44 comments. Post your own now!

elfiewrites said...
Apr. 1, 2010 at 7:42 pm
This is soooooo true, but so well-written! Keep on writing! I would love if you could comment on my work too. Thanks so much
MissFaber replied...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Thank you for commenting, your feedback keeps me going. :)
greater said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 4:26 pm
rhodasown said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 8:02 pm
Hi MissFaber,
This is rhodasown of "Beloved Memories". This piece is poetically vivid in its imagery. Skillfully done.
MissFaber replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 2:48 pm
thank you very much!
SilverLuna said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 6:50 pm
LOVE this. You are so incredibly gifted. I can relate to so much of the topic that was stemmed off of writer's block! Really; it's amazing how to two comparison are true and are tangible. This is a great piece!
MissFaber replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 2:48 pm
Thank you! I thought that relating writing (the inspiration) and romance was a strange simile, but it made sense in MY head. I'm glad I could relate that comparison to everyone
Ally25 said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Its true love realy sucks.. Over all I realy liked the story, but I would like to have known more about the boy.
MissFaber replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Yes, I know. This entire thing was written in one of those moments where I just felt like I'd BURST if I didn't write, and the words just flowed. I didn't really think to even edit it afterward. The focus was on how desolate the girl was feeling and the things ShE remembered, not the boy himself. Maybe if it gets expanded you'll know more about the boy.

Thank you for the feedback!

Ally25 said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 6:30 pm
Its true... but we can only assume that is only life. Great story...I realy liked it. Keep writing.
MissFaber replied...
Feb. 1, 2011 at 12:25 pm
Thank you very much (:
unrEEEal said...
Mar. 22, 2010 at 12:50 pm
that was so SAD!!!! OMGGG!!! i hope that's not written from personal experience
MissFaber replied...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Well I'm glad it comes across that well! lol
Amzz said...
Mar. 18, 2010 at 4:54 pm
That was beautiful. I know.. love just isnt love until its madness.
MissFaber replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 2:49 pm
And THAT is exactly the point ;)
kParlange said...
Feb. 28, 2010 at 2:11 pm
(great story tho)
Nora said...
Feb. 26, 2010 at 5:44 pm
THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I loved it! i mean seriously. how can someone write something sooooo BEAUTIFUL! very romantic.
Mason667 said...
Feb. 5, 2010 at 4:10 pm
"The lever that my lover stole from me."
My favorite line :)
sally-o said...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 3:58 pm
wow wow wow that's beautiful. i really like the parellism.... like she says "the inspiration had left me" but it's really the guy that left her. am i right?
MissFaber replied...
Feb. 5, 2010 at 4:08 pm
YES!! Wow I'm so happy someone got that! That's exactly the point.... it's the guy that left, it's the guy that she wants to return, but he took the "inspiration" with him.
MissFaber said...
Feb. 4, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Thank you everyone for your feedback :)
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