Okay, so get this. I’m on a train heading into the center of town, and if anyone, or anyTHING sees me, I’m done for. I want to break in to an aquarium but it is right beside a club full of drunken dogs. Literally. Also, the aquarium has security laser beams, but I’m not worried about those. I need a disguise though. I decided earlier to dress as one of those (literal) dogs. That’ll blend in, but where am I going to get a DOG disguise? Oh, wait a minute…. Here’s something that might do the trick…..
[Ten minutes later]
Okay, so I’m ready to go. I found a rug on the train floor and I clawed, I mean CUT it to look like dog fur. I’m getting off the train now. Here goes nothing…
[3 blocks and a pint of milk later]
Okay, so here I am, outside the aquarium. The dogs haven’t seen me yet, but I suppose there is still time. There’s an open window on the second floor, but to an old hand like me, it will be a breeze. There is a tree growing near the wall, so up I go. Now I just need to jump from here to the windowsill. Done! Watch out little fishies……
[In a nearby nightclub]
Rover: Hey Fido, did you hear that? It sounded like a cat….
Fido: A CAT!!!!!!!!!! Really!!!!!
Rover: Yeah, a cat. Do you want to go and investigate?
Fido: Sure, let’s go.
They leave the nightclub and go outside
Okay, so I’m in! The reception is empty, as it should be at 10pm, but there might be a security guard I suppose. I’ll just have to be careful. There’s a big red door in front of me marked with an arrow and a picture of a fish, so in I go. That was eas-
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Really? A burglar alarm?
Fido: We caught you, ya stupid…… Wait a minute, is that what I think it is?
Rover: It sure is, Fido. Do you have your phone on you? I want to call 999.
Me: No, don’t do that, I can explain….
Rover: Hello, I’d like to report a break in at the Neptune’s Kingdom aquarium………….Yes, me and my friend managed to catch the culprit………Certainly, officer. See you then…….
[In court, two weeks later]
Judge: …………….. and now the defendant shall speak to us. Defendant, please explain why you attempted to break in to Neptune’s World?
Me: Because I’m a cat and a hungry one, you filthy sheepdog!!!!!!
Judge: Well, really!!!! I am a Border Collie, for your information…. And what are you, a tomcat?
Me: For YOUR information, I am a most finely bred Persian.
Judge: You could have fooled me…………