Jemaine, the Awkward Warrior

The Story Begins
Jemaine had never been called a hero before. In fact, he was the complete opposite. He spent his days computer hacking and creating weapons for his LARPing team.

At age 24 he still lived in his mother’s basement and worked the night shift at the local gas station. He never had a date, because of his fear of women and the sun.

He could face his fear of the sun if he was wearing his trusty suit of armor, but was otherwise stuck inside. He was often compared to his older brother and had very

low self-esteem. His older brother was like the mountains in Alaska. He loomed above everyone, with his muscles of stone. His pockets were filled with gold and women

lined up to see him. His smile shone bright like the sun coming over the mountain tops. Only Jemaine knew that beneath his charm and good looks laid a heart of ice.

He tortured Jemaine throughout his entire childhood, but Jemaine got his revenge. He often hacked into his brother’s iTunes account and used all of his money.

One day, Jemaine was sitting in his room preparing for the LARPing battle he had at the next day’s Renaissance Fair. He was putting the finishing touches on his

Excalibur replica, when he remembered that he didn’t have any fight music. So, like always, he hacked into his brother’s iTunes account. What he didn’t know was his

brother had just upgraded to iTunes 11 and that it came with a new security system. The song was almost done downloading when sparks flew out of the computer!

Jemaine shook violently on the floor and when he couldn’t take the pain anymore, everything went dark.

Jemaine Meets His Muse
When Jemaine woke up he had no idea where he was or how long he had been out. He looked around and no longer saw his mom’s basement. Instead, he saw large

stable stalls full of horses wearing armor. “What a strange place,” Jemaine thought. “I should look for some help. Hopefully it is still dark outside, I don’t have my armor to

protect me from the sun.” He tried to stand up but found it very difficult. He looked down and saw that he was wearing armor, but it wasn’t the plastic armor that he

normally wore. It was metal armor, the kind that medieval knights wear, “This is getting weird,” he thought out loud. “How did I get into this armor?” After what seemed like

hours of struggling, Jemaine finally stood up and started walking around. He walked down rows and rows of stable stalls filled with armor clad horses and was just about to

walk out the door when he smelled smoke in the air. He rushed over to stall where the smoke was coming from, but instead of fire he came face to face with a dragon. “I’ve

been expecting you,” said the dragon. “Come closer. I have something important to tell you.”

“Who are you? What do you want?” whimpered Jemaine.

“I bring no harm,” said the dragon. “I am Albi the Great. I have been sent from heaven to guide you on a sacred quest to find the Holy Grail. Earlier this week Brett, the local

village idiot, hid the Grail and the village has been in chaos ever since. Sirens fill our lake and murder innocent men. The sun has not gone down in four days and heat stroke

has already claimed the lives of seven oxen. A dragon, greater in size and strength then me, terrorizes our people and over half the village was burned down early this morning.

Only finding the Grail will bring peace back to this village. We sent our best warriors to retrieve it but all have failed. You are our last hope Jemaine. Are you up to the

challenges you will face ahead?” Jemaine was very quiet for a long time but after several minutes, he answered, “I accept this challenge, but first I need you to answer

some questions. One, where am I? Two, how did I get here? And three, Can you fly or breathe fire and do your tears really turn into jellybeans?” While rolling his eyes,

Albi answered, “You are in a small village in Britain during the medieval times. Your computer turned into a time machine when it shocked you, and yes, I can fly and breathe fire, but my tears don’t turn to jellybeans. That’s just a myth. Now let’s go before the rest of the village burns down.” After a long argument about whether Jemaine could ride

on Albi’s back or not (he couldn’t) the two set off towards the village to face their first challenge.

Jemaine Overcomes His Fear of Women
Sirens had overrun the lake that lay in the middle of the village and countless men had been consumed by the creatures. Their song was effective at drawing men in but it was

their beauty that cost the men their lives. Most could resist their song but once the men caught a glimpse of their faces, they turned weak and were eaten. The only way

to defeat them and end their reign of terror was to get ahold of Excalibur which lay in the middle of the lake.

Jemaine and Albi quietly crept towards the lake so they wouldn’t disrupt the sleeping sirens. Some snored songs in their sleep but they were weak and barely bothered the two.

Excalibur could be seen and was just a short swim away from their reach when, suddenly, Jemaine collapsed on the shore and curled into the fetal position.

Albi rushed to his side, “What’s wrong? Are the sirens messing with your head? Did you accidentally look at one of them? Please speak to me!”

Jemaine’s voice was just a faint whisper, “You didn’t tell me they were women! How can I face such a terrifying creature? I can barely look at my mom without having a

panic attack. I’ll never be able to defeat such beautiful women. They are my one true weakness.” Jemaine began to weep softly until Albi roared loudly.

“What is the matter with you? You’re 24 years old and haven’t talked to a woman yet! Get over this irrational fear! People’s lives are at stake and you are going to let a

woman stop you? I’m done with you. I quit being your muse. I knew you couldn’t do this.” He gave Jemaine a look of disappointment and flew into the distance.

Jemaine sat at the edge of the lake with tears of fear streaming down his face. The thought of being close to a woman filled him with horror, but he couldn’t let the village down.

He gathered all his courage and swam as fast as he could across the lake. The Sirens awoke and used all their power to stop him, but it was futile. In almost an instant,

Jemaine had grabbed Excalibur and started thrashing it around. Siren screams filled the air and within minutes, not one was left alive.

Apollo the Sun God
Jemaine was exhausted from his fight with the Sirens. The sun beat down on his armor and he began to feel like he was inside an oven, but he couldn’t take it off. He lay in

the lake for a while to cool off, but he knew that he would eventually have to get out and deal with his next challenge. He didn’t know how he would defeat the sun but he did

know that he wouldn’t give up until he did. Jemaine thought for a really long time when, suddenly, the solution popped into his head. He didn’t have to defeat the sun. He had to

defeat the person controlling it. He leaped out of the lake and screamed towards the sky, “Apollo! Prepare to meet your maker! I have come to destroy you! Come out and

face me!” Almost instantly, the sun flashed brighter than ever before and Apollo appeared. “Fool!” he shouted, “How dare you challenge me. You will pay for this!”

His eyes began glowing with a bright white light and lasers shot out at Jemaine. He dodged the first shot, but the second one hit him square in the chest and his armor melted

like an ice cube. Jemaine scrambled towards the shade and all of his hope was lost. He laid there in a puddle of his own tears when, out of nowhere, Albi appeared. In his claws

he held a brand new suit of armor. This one was covered entirely with mirrors. Jemaine put the suit on and once again faced Apollo. Apollo shot lasers at Jemaine again but this

time when they hit him in the chest, Jemaine’s armor did not melt. The laser hit the mirrors, bounced back towards Apollo, and struck him in the eyes. He fell hard on

the ground and although he could not see, he could feel Jemaine press Excalibur against his throat. “What do you want?” Apollo pleaded. “I’ll do anything, just don’t hurt me anymore.”

“I want you to return the sun to its normal state,” Jemaine demanded, “and never, EVER, mess with it again!” Apollo agreed and to everyone’s relief, the sun went

behind the hills. Jemaine turned to Albi, “Thanks for coming back. I surely would have died without your help. Is there any way I can repay you?”

“Repay me later,” Albi replied. “Now we have to face your next challenge- the dragon of death. Hop on my back. It is a long journey to his lair and you need some rest.”

The Dragon of Death
The sun had set as Jemaine and Albi flew to their destination. With a sigh of temporary relief, Jemaine removed his heavy armor and laid on Albi’s back. He tried to rest but

the thought of facing a dragon prevented him from closing his eyes. He had read stories about this particular dragon and none of them soothed his fear.

The dragon of death had claimed the lives of many unlucky warriors that had crossed his path. Over his 200 year life span, not one person was able to defeat him. His scales

were made of the hardest substance known to man and nothing could penetrate them. His wings were covered in poisonous spikes and his claws were like daggers. In other
words, Jemaine’s future did not look good. As he rested on Albi’s back, he could see the dragon’s lair in the distance. It was a large cave at the base of a very active volcano.

Smoke filled the air and the dragon sat at the entrance of his cave, almost like he was waiting for Jemaine. Abli landed several yards away from the cave and after giving

Jemaine a couple pieces of advice, he flew away. Jemaine slowly walked towards the cave with Excalibur raised high. He shook with fear but he couldn’t stop now. His

quest for the Holy Grail was almost over. The dragon rose as he approached, and the fierce battle began. The dragon blew fire at Jemaine but he was able to dodge it and

jump on top of the dragon. He slashed at dragon with Excalibur and managed to slice off his ear. The dragon roared in pain and flung Jemaine off of his back. Jemaine

landed on the pointed rocks and a sharp pain ran up and down his body. He couldn’t move and the dragon was swiftly approaching. He stood over Jemaine,

taunting him, and slashed him across the chest with his razor sharp claws. Jemaine screamed in agony and once again, everything became dark.

When he woke up, Jemaine was no longer at the dragon’s lair. Instead he was lying by a river that was as dark as the night. He peered into it and what he saw haunts him to this

day. Fresh corpses floated near the top of the water and expressionless souls swirled around, looking lost and confused. Jemaine quickly backed away from the water’s edge

but what he ran into was worse than the river. It felt like a brick wall but he knew what it was without looking- his father. He had passed away many years before but it

was a sad event for no one. His father was Satan’s spawn and EVERYONE was relieved when he passed on. His actions were unspeakable and it was no surprise that

he ended up in Hell, but why was Jemaine there? “I’m glad you made it,” growled his father. “Welcome to my humble abode. I always knew you would follow in my

steps. Now come with me. I’ll get you a fire whip.”

“Are you crazy? I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re the devil!”

“Well, yeah. I thought that was kind of obvious, but I prefer the title ‘Supreme Overlord of Dead.’ Now come with me, or I will sic my minions on you.” Jemaine

refused to get near his father and without warning, chains were wrapped around his body. His father’s minions dragged him into a prison cell where he lay for nearly three

weeks without food or water. He was on the edge of death, barely breathing, when he saw a bright light. “Come towards me,” a voice called, but Jemaine couldn’t move.

“Come towards me,” the voice called again, and this time Jemaine recognized it. It was Albi. He had come to save him. So, Jemaine gathered all his strength and walked towards

Albi. When he walked into the light, he was transported out of the prison cell and instantly felt better. “Where am I?” he asked Albi.

“You’re in heaven,” Albi replied. “I’ve been searching for you for weeks. The village has gone downhill fast since you left. The dragon of death torched the rest of the

village and is on a murderous rampage as we speak. I know I just saved you, but we need to defeat him or there will be nothing left. Will you join me once again?” Jemaine

agreed and hopped on Albi’s back. They used heaven’s teleporter and teleported to the village. “I’ll stick with you this time,” Albi said. “Together we should be able to

defeat him. There should be a crossbow in my satchel. The arrows are made of kryptonite, the only thing that will penetrate the dragon’s skin. The tips are dipped in a

paralyzing potion. If we can lure the dragon back to his lair, we can destroy him.”

It took a while but with a lot of taunting and fire, they were able to bring the dragon of death back to its lair. They fought over the fiery volcano and after missing several

times, Jemaine hit the dragon in the temple. He froze in midair and quickly fell towards the volcano. He splashed hard into the lava and the volcano exploded. Ash filled the air

like snow in a blizzard. The sun was blotted out and Jemaine and Albi could not see their hand in front of their face. They were coated head to toe with the grey volcanic ash until a

breeze blew it all off. The ash floated into the air and began to gather in front of Jemaine. The particles drew closer and closer until there was a great flash of light.

Jemaine averted his eyes and when he looked back, a tiny wooden chalice laid in his lap. “I did it!” Jemaine screamed. “I found the Holy Grail! Hurry Abli and fly

back to the village. We have to tell them the good news.” When they arrived at the village not only was everyone at peace again, but everything had been repaired.

Women surrounded Jemaine with food and gold and (because he was no longer afraid of women) he happily accepted it. The village celebrated for days and even the King of

Britain came to congratulate him. Jemaine went to shake his hand but tripped as he walked towards the King. His head hit ground hard and he passed out.

When Jemaine woke up, he wasn’t in the village anymore. He was in a hospital bed, connected to many tubes and wires and his head was wrapped in a bandage. “It was all a

dream,” he thought, “I didn’t travel back in time. It was just a dream…”
THE END





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