Alfred the Amazing Octopus

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Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, or more accurately, in the Caribbean Sea, which, depending on whether or not you owned a submarine could be considered very far away, there lived an octopus named Alfred.

One day Alfred was swimming through the ocean with his wife Apple, when he noticed something amiss. The once vibrant coral reef was less colorful than before, and seemed less lively. But since there was nothing he could do about it, at least that’s what he thought, he decided to ignore it.

However, as more and more time elapsed, the situation began to deteriorate much more rapidly. Coral carcasses littered the sand, and reports were coming in from across the Caribbean that many fish were suffering from the strange disease. The Prime Minister of the Caribbean Republic even made an official announcement declaring a State of Emergency on the Caribbean News Broadcasting Agency, and requested foreign aid. The Federation of the Gulf of Mexico was the first to respond, but said that they could not give any aid, as they were still recovering from a disastrous oil spill.

The call for help was answered by the Republic of the Northern Atlantic, the wealthiest of all sovereign undersea governments. In response to the distress call, they sent an army of ten thousand cleaner shrimp, who worked diligently to clean the waters. Soon after, however, the shrimp began to feel the effects of the mysterious illness, and had to be evacuated home.

By this time the illness had become an epidemic. Thousands of fish were dying, hospitals had begun to overflow, and all of the surrounding nations had closed their boarders to prevent further spread of the disease.

It was then that the government of the Caribbean Republic called upon Alfred to investigate the sickness. Octopi are one of the smartest creatures of the ocean, along with dolphins, and because of this, they made the best spies. However, many of the other octopi had already succumbed to the outbreak. They planned to send him to the most likely culprit, the communistic and paradoxically named Democratic Republic of the Pacific Ocean, which was constantly threatening biological warfare with the goal of one day ruling all the oceans. Satellite imagery had picked up a cluster of large, strange, and intentionally camouflaged warehouse-like buildings, believed to be a factory for biological weapons.

The journey was long and arduous, and he was met with a less than warm welcome. After narrowly escaping three sharks, two sperm whales and a Kraken, Alfred made it to the facility.

Disabling the security cameras, Alfred entered the central building and found no other that Coriander the Killer Crab, an infamous high-risk terrorist topping the Caribbean Republic’s most wanted list. Despite swimming as quietly as possible, Coriander soon noticed Alfred and a brief battle ensued, in which Alfred was knocked unconscious against the central control unit. Not satisfied with a simple victory, Coriander went in for the killer blow, but his claw missed and struck the control unit, which caused a major technical malfunction as the chemicals were released into the water. The alarm sirens were enough to wake Alfred who quickly swam away. Coriander however could not swim, and was doomed in the toxic facility.
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Upon returning home, Alfred turned on the news. The swim back had been just as difficult, with the exception that the Kraken had been suffering from a severe case of the sea-fever, and was therefore incapacitated. Alfred was anxious to learn what had happened while he was on his journey back home. Due to terrible planning, the communist government’s chief army base was located in a very close proximity to the bio-chemical facility. With the nation’s army gone, riot ensued across the Pacific, and the government quickly fell and was divided into the newly formed Republic of the Northern Pacific and the Republic of the Southern Pacific. Also, the Principality of the Southern Ocean, which the communist government had invaded ten years ago, was returned to its own control. The newly formed governments cooperated with the Caribbean and gave it the antidote the old government had created, but had no time to use before it fell.

And so, a mega-disaster, which could have easily spread on land and infected all of mankind, was cured by Alfred, the Amazing Octopus.
And you thought fish did nothing but swim around and poop.





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