All the people down in America loved Christmas a lot, but The Hussein, who lived just East of America, did not. Please do not ask why, the answer is not right. Perhaps his turban was just a little bit too tight. The answer is not clear at all. Maybe its because his beliefs were two sizes too small. “I don’t like those Americans,” he said with a sneer, “They have far too much freedom, happiness, and cheer!” He stood with his feet planted firmly in the sand. He juggled a grenade in his grimy left hand. “Every year they celebrate their infidel holiday, but I can’t let it happen again there’s no way, no way, no way!” He looked down at America in a look of sheer spite. The Hussein was a mean one, quite. He went into his cave, with his little dog Bahajamax. The Hussein often strapped a bomb to his back. “They’ll sing, oh they’ll sing, sing, sing, sing! Max, I must stop this whole Christmas thing!” The Hussein said in disgust. “I must stop Christmas, I must!” He paced and paced all around the cave. His old Hussein face looked quite grave. Then the Hussein had an idea, a nasty, terrible, horrible idea. The Hussein would steal Christmas, that’s just what he’d do. He’d take everything, even the happiness too. Then the Hussein had a thought he’d never had before. Since 9/11, Bush had up the defenses on terrorism even more. He thought, “I need a way to get in, I need a dirty little trick. I know, I’ll make a red hat and coat, and with these, I’ll look just like Saint Nick!” So the Hussein went to the North Pole and hijacked Santa’s sleigh. Then on the side he wrote “Allah Rules” with a can of paint spray. He took off to the south, toward America’s border. And he was even more mad, because the North Pole’s vending machine was out of order. He crash the sleigh into America two hours later. There was a ton of dust, and paper. He got of his sleigh, with his large Christmas bag. He was going to pull this off, he could brag. He slink and he slunk, with a smile most sinister. He stole every present, food, and Lego canister. He stole everything everyone had bought. To think he could do this was a terrible thought. He was about to fly away straight through America’s yard. Until he was caught by the National Guard. He was arrested for terrorism in the third degree. He was thrown in Guantanamo, his dog and he. America was safe from this terrorist threat. And to think no one even had to break a sweat! “I will return!” the Hussein had yelled in anger, while all the infidels looked play the new game, Pokemon Ranger.
The Hussein that Stole Christmas
April 14, 2011