Sir Peter The Cautious This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

December 13, 2010
Sir Peter knight charged, his armor gleaming in the moon light, his valiant steed galloping forward with grace. The princess’s distant screams could be heard over the dragon’s mighty roar, and these pushed Sir Peter to urge his steed faster, for fear he would be too late. He flailed his sword towards the roaring dragon with vigor, his purple cape waving in the wind as his horse reared. “Step aside, fearsome beast! I have come to save the princess!”

“Just take her, pleeease.”

Sir Peter looked up at the dragon, his sword poised for action, “So... you’re not going to try to eat me?”

“Are you ridiculous?” The dragon rolled his eyes, “That thing up there has been rubbing my scales the wrong way since she was twelve! I’d have killed her myself by now if I wasn’t bound to ‘protect her till her dying days’ I hate that witch who cast that freaking spell.”

“She can’t be that bad.” Sir Peter said, lowering his sword slowly, “She is the fairest princess of them all.”

Just then there was a high pitched scream and the dragon roared again towards the tower window. The screams quieted into small sobs.

“Yes, she may be pretty, but that’s what makes her so annoying.” The dragon said, lowering his massive head down to Sir Peter’s level, “Just get her out of here.”

“But... what makes her so annoying?” Sir Peter asked, unsure if he should go and save her now.

The dragon narrowed his eyes, “Oh, sometimes it’s the split ends of her hair, sometimes it’s the way the brimstone smells, and sometimes she cries about a broken nail. Don’t even get me started on that.”

Sir Peter considered this, “But... I heard you roaring, and her screaming...”

“I was trying to get her to shut up. My god, that girl never stops screaming.”

“So... why should I take her off your hands? What’s in it for me then?” Sir Peter was about to sheath his sword when the dragon growled at him, smoke swirling from his nostrils. Sir Peter jumped, drawing his sword once more.

“How about if you take her, I won’t turn you into tinder!” The dragon growled, snapping his jaws at Sir Peter, whose valiant steed staggered back.

“But I don’t want to anymore!” Sir Peter protested, “I’d really rather not.”

“That’s too bad! Take her, before I bite your head off!”

“Not if I slay you first!” Sir Peter’s voice wavered, the dragon looking more menacing now than he had earlier.

The dragon laughed, “You think you can slay me, pitiful human? Others have come here, and refused to take the princess. I’ve killed every one of them.”

“Well... then... I suppose...” And then Sir Peter kicked his steed to a gallop, trying to run away from the beast.

“Come back here!” The dragon swiped his claws at the miniature man and horse, breathing fire towards them.

Sir Peter narrowly escaped each breath, urging his steed to go faster. Before he could run much further, a ring of fire cut him off and surrounded the castle and him, making Sir Peter have to turn around and face the dragon.

“Now, Knight, you will die!” Laughed the dragon.

But Sir Peter darted for the draw bridge, being missed by the dragon’s claws and fiery breath once more. He galloped up the wide stone stairs with his steed, the dragon’s arm coming in the windows and trying to snatch him.

“You can’t stay in there forever, human Knight!”

Sir Peter felt his heart race faster and he dismounted his steed, entering a small room and slamming the door behind him and breathing hard. He put a hand to his chest, hoping to contain his heart inside.

He looked up, and noticed that the room streamed in golden light from a north window. It was covered in emerald greens. The drapes were green, the sheets upon the white bed were green, and finally, the princess, who was sitting on the bed, was wearing a green dress.

Sir Peter paused as the princess rose to her feet, “You’ve... You’ve come to save me!”

She lunged forward at him, wrapping her arms around his chest in an embrace that was like a boa constrictor’s.

“Um... well... yes... I think...” Peter tried to pull her off gently, but she would not move.

“Oh! You’re so brave, Sir Knight!” She looked up at him, “Oh, will we be married, Sir Knight?”

“Um... I don’t-”

But the roar of the dragon drowned him out and made the princess jump.

“Oh, never mind that!” She said, “It’s been most awful here. Just look at what happened to my poor finger!” She displayed her ring finger in front of his face. It was clean and pale without hardly a scratch upon it.

“I don’t see-”

“Look!” She whined at him, pointing to a wound the size of a pinprick, “That happened a week ago! It was most painful!” She put her hand to her forehead, “ I don’t know how much longer I can last here in this dreadful place!”

She fell to the side, and Sir Peter, not ready to catch her, stumbled in the attempt to keep her from hitting the stone floor. Her head lolled back for a moment and then she seemed to regain the control in her neck quite suddenly.

“Oh, Sir Knight, you are quite dashing!” She blinked her eyes at him, her long eyelashes fluttering, “Say you’ve come to marry me!”

“Well... umm... not here, Princess.” He said, pulling her up to her feet, “We should really get going...”

The dragon roared once more and the princess squealed. Without much thought, Sir Peter scooped her up in his arms and carried her out on his horse. He galloped to the exit, the princess clinging to him by the neck, making it really hard to breathe.

The dragon was waiting by the exit, and was about to breathe fire when Sir Peter shouted, “WAIT! I HAVE THE PRINCESS!”

“Oh,” The dragon said, smiling, “Well, do carry on then.”

“Thank you.” Sir Peter said, and made his horse walk away from the castle.

“Will we be married now, Sir Knight?”

“uh...”

“Or tomorrow? I think we should have pink bows at the wedding!”

“umm...”

“Ribbons are my favorite accessory!” The princess sighed.

Sir Peter wasn’t sure what made him do it. Was it the fact that he couldn’t handle how annoying she was, or that he really just didn’t want to marry her? Either way, it wasn’t chivalry that made him push her off his horse and gallop away with the dragon roaring in the background and her sobbing. He’d save the princess and the dragon for someone with less brain and more brawn than him. Maybe Sir Lancelot would do it. He was brave. Sir Peter Knight was not brave, and he liked to be that way. Sir Peter the cautious sounded much better than Sir Peter the brave anyway; a lot more dignified too. He’d take his chances.





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Dilemma said...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:47 pm
This was great! i enjoyed every word of this unorthodox tale. keep it up!
 
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