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What the Keyboard Saw

To Agent 67T:

Pause. Backspaced.

Sir,

Highlight and delete.
No greeting this time.

At 2200 hours there was a security breach in Sector Delta. A detainee

A moment of hesitation.

began an altercation with a guard who was escorting him from an unsuccessful interrogation. The guard made an effort to stun the detainee, but was unsuccessful. Said guard then tried to alert other security to the struggle, but was incapacitated. As the other guards approached

Pause.

the detainee grabbed the weapon of the unconscious guard and began shooting. The reinforcements retreated

Delete that last word.

were forced to take cover. As they initiated lockdown, the detainee employed some kind of explosive device that caused severe structural damage to the corridor. This enabled detainee to exit the building. The destruction caused by the explosive caused confusion among outside security- detainee was able to shoot his way out of the compound.

New paragraph.

A search was commenced immediately and is ongoing. Repairs have been made to the damaged exterior wall. An investigation is underway as to where detainee was able to obtain materials for an explosive device. It would appear that the detainee has an accomplice- possibly

Some hesitation.

one of the guards.

Enter and tab.

Detainee is not yet in custody. Motivfs

Delete and retype.

Motives and location are both unknown. He is armed although moist

Backspace and correct.

Most likely has limited ammunition. Detainee Identification Number is 814364903- AJA

Another typo.

AKA

Pause.
And then a slam.

AGVxetgx80Qe234= ado890zxdrqwugvoW[9HNY!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!!! QA V WEOIVQA UIORG ax rgvewroi tnh oh no. oh no. hes going ot kill me hes going to kill me im such an idiot. he told me to be careful with vyper and I didn't listen and now hes going to kill me hes goin to kill me im dead.

Another pound.

Xcz
VAOVGNazgpbevna;d

Hit again.

Xoeihqwethukur74ik67'ls

Another blow.

Oaierbv[wqei0hnwe09.

Then a long pause. Three still minutes pass. Then the last three hundred forty-eight characters are deleted.
No movement for a moment- then three more words.

AKA Daniel Vyper.



Join the Discussion


This article has 30 comments. Post your own!

iTide said...
Mar. 26, 2012 at 6:03 pm:

This thing gave me the freakin' CHILLS!  That last sentence. . .  Holy CRAP!

 

 

 

AMAZING!!!!

 
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4qui133 said...
Jan. 22, 2012 at 8:30 pm:
the format structure as brilliant: by the end I was thinking holy sh*t holy Sh*t holy--he's dead. AKA--satirical genius.
 
marinophan replied...
Apr. 17, 2012 at 8:28 am :
What the heck was that? It made absolutly no sense at all! If anyone truly understood the plot ot this story, please let me know, because I didn't get it at all.
 
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LeCoxx said...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 7:54 am:
That was awesome! Totally original. i don't know why some people don't get why his was afraid, etc. etc. I understood it, and it was absolutely creative. Nice Work!
 
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flyingpinkgiraffes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 7:07 am:
wow, how did you even think of that?
 
Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 11:02 am :
To be honest, I have no idea. :) And even if I knew where it came from at one point, I've forgotten now.
 
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Victor_Hagar said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:14 pm:
Whew that's a load off of my shoulders. Usually when I do something like this someone gets angry and flips me the virtual bird. But really this was a nice approach to fiction, and it really stands out in the crowd. Just keep pushing yourself.
 
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Victor_Hagar said...
Jul. 28, 2011 at 10:57 pm:
I don't want to be a butt, but could you have explained things a bit more? I understand that short stories leave many things hanging, and leave readers to their own imagination, but there has to be underlying stucture.
Somthing else. (God I sound like a butt) Usually when people enter conflict, say, the person who was typing, they drop what they're doing and try to either escape or defend themselves. Rarely do they sit and type about their imminant doom, unless they are of three possible ex... (more »)
 
Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 4:28 pm :

It's fine- thanks for being so honest. I do know I need to work on explaining a little more (it's hard to strike the balance between being too ambiguous and explaining your reader to death). Unfortunately, once it's submitted, there's no way to edit.

 

In this case, the writer knew that there was no point in trying to escape. His superior would hunt him down if he tried to run.

 
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ManekiNeko said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 4:52 pm:
that's cool
 
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StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 11:01 pm:
Great idea, and it was very suspenseful and creepy... 5 stars! :D
 
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can_you_keep_a_secret said...
Jun. 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm:

I love the idea(:

More clarification on who the escapee is, yada.

5 Stars!(:

 
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ManekiNeko said...
Apr. 9, 2011 at 1:10 pm:
Why was the escapee going to kill the typist?
 
Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 27, 2011 at 5:24 pm :
The supervisor was going to kill the typist for letting the guy escape. Sorry that wasn't clear.
 
ManekiNeko replied...
May 31, 2011 at 1:57 pm :
who was the escapee?
 
Imaginedangerous This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 3:16 pm :
An important/dangerous prisoner? A hero? I left that ambiguous on purpose; use your imagination.
 
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yourworstnightmare said...
Nov. 28, 2010 at 4:38 pm:
This was totally amazing! I loved how it was formatted, it made it more suspenseful. Keep writing!
 
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emergingtalent said...
Aug. 2, 2010 at 11:45 am:
I love this! it is one of my favorites! keep writing!!!!!!!
 
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Strike_Eagle said...
Jul. 2, 2010 at 6:16 am:
Okay, thanks.
 
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Strike_Eagle said...
Jun. 26, 2010 at 4:33 pm:
This is a great story.  The title makes the story's point of view more understandable.  Just out of curiousity, what was with the 348 random characters?
 
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