What the Keyboard Saw

May 14, 2010
By Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments

To Agent 67T:

Pause. Backspaced.

Sir,

Highlight and delete.
No greeting this time.

At 2200 hours there was a security breach in Sector Delta. A detainee

A moment of hesitation.

began an altercation with a guard who was escorting him from an unsuccessful interrogation. The guard made an effort to stun the detainee, but was unsuccessful. Said guard then tried to alert other security to the struggle, but was incapacitated. As the other guards approached

Pause.

the detainee grabbed the weapon of the unconscious guard and began shooting. The reinforcements retreated

Delete that last word.

were forced to take cover. As they initiated lockdown, the detainee employed some kind of explosive device that caused severe structural damage to the corridor. This enabled detainee to exit the building. The destruction caused by the explosive caused confusion among outside security- detainee was able to shoot his way out of the compound.

New paragraph.

A search was commenced immediately and is ongoing. Repairs have been made to the damaged exterior wall. An investigation is underway as to where detainee was able to obtain materials for an explosive device. It would appear that the detainee has an accomplice- possibly

Some hesitation.

one of the guards.

Enter and tab.

Detainee is not yet in custody. Motivfs

Delete and retype.

Motives and location are both unknown. He is armed although moist

Backspace and correct.

Most likely has limited ammunition. Detainee Identification Number is 814364903- AJA

Another typo.

AKA

Pause.
And then a slam.

AGVxetgx80Qe234= ado890zxdrqwugvoW[9HNY!!1!!!1!!!!!!!!!! QA V WEOIVQA UIORG ax rgvewroi tnh oh no. oh no. hes going ot kill me hes going to kill me im such an idiot. he told me to be careful with vyper and I didn't listen and now hes going to kill me hes goin to kill me im dead.

Another pound.

Xcz
VAOVGNazgpbevna;d

Hit again.

Xoeihqwethukur74ik67'ls

Another blow.

Oaierbv[wqei0hnwe09.

Then a long pause. Three still minutes pass. Then the last three hundred forty-eight characters are deleted.
No movement for a moment- then three more words.

AKA Daniel Vyper.

The author's comments:
This is kind of a different format than usual.

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This article has 30 comments.


marinophan said...
on Apr. 17 2012 at 8:28 am
What the heck was that? It made absolutly no sense at all! If anyone truly understood the plot ot this story, please let me know, because I didn't get it at all.

on Mar. 26 2012 at 6:03 pm
Poison-ivy SILVER, Park City, Utah
5 articles 5 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Music can change the world, because it can change people.

This thing gave me the freakin' CHILLS!  That last sentence. . .  Holy CRAP!

 

 

 

AMAZING!!!!


on Jan. 22 2012 at 8:30 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 232 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

the format structure as brilliant: by the end I was thinking holy sh*t holy Sh*t holy--he's dead. AKA--satirical genius.

LeCoxx BRONZE said...
on Oct. 2 2011 at 7:54 am
LeCoxx BRONZE, Gold Coast, Other
1 article 1 photo 8 comments
That was awesome! Totally original. i don't know why some people don't get why his was afraid, etc. etc. I understood it, and it was absolutely creative. Nice Work!

on Sep. 10 2011 at 11:02 am
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
To be honest, I have no idea. :) And even if I knew where it came from at one point, I've forgotten now.

on Sep. 10 2011 at 7:07 am
flyingpinkgiraffes PLATINUM, Chardon, Ohio
24 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When in doubt, kill your main character." ~Me
"Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere."

wow, how did you even think of that?

on Jul. 29 2011 at 9:14 pm
Victor_Hagar SILVER, Dublin, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always important to give your arguments impact." Fallout 3, Strength Bobble-head.

Whew that's a load off of my shoulders. Usually when I do something like this someone gets angry and flips me the virtual bird. But really this was a nice approach to fiction, and it really stands out in the crowd. Just keep pushing yourself.

on Jul. 29 2011 at 4:28 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments

It's fine- thanks for being so honest. I do know I need to work on explaining a little more (it's hard to strike the balance between being too ambiguous and explaining your reader to death). Unfortunately, once it's submitted, there's no way to edit.

 

In this case, the writer knew that there was no point in trying to escape. His superior would hunt him down if he tried to run.


on Jul. 28 2011 at 10:57 pm
Victor_Hagar SILVER, Dublin, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always important to give your arguments impact." Fallout 3, Strength Bobble-head.

I don't want to be a butt, but could you have explained things a bit more? I understand that short stories leave many things hanging, and leave readers to their own imagination, but there has to be underlying stucture.
Somthing else. (God I sound like a butt) Usually when people enter conflict, say, the person who was typing, they drop what they're doing and try to either escape or defend themselves. Rarely do they sit and type about their imminant doom, unless they are of three possible exceptions, these being 1. Someone who is not in their right mind 2. Someone who is typing an e-mail and might still be able to alert the agent or 3. Someone who has absolutely no chance of escape and has no means to defend themselves.
There are other things I could say but I feel like a huge butt right now. Mind you these are suggestions, not corrections, and I very much find this article to be well written and very entertaining. Keep pushing yourself, dude.

on Jul. 10 2011 at 4:52 pm
ManekiNeko SILVER, Cincinnati, Ohio
8 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and prove it to be true."

that's cool

on Jul. 8 2011 at 11:01 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Great idea, and it was very suspenseful and creepy... 5 stars! :D

on Jul. 8 2011 at 3:16 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
An important/dangerous prisoner? A hero? I left that ambiguous on purpose; use your imagination.

on Jun. 14 2011 at 3:57 pm
tayleeeeeeeer SILVER, Laplata, Maryland
5 articles 1 photo 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.

I love the idea(:

More clarification on who the escapee is, yada.

5 Stars!(:


on May. 31 2011 at 1:57 pm
ManekiNeko SILVER, Cincinnati, Ohio
8 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and prove it to be true."

who was the escapee?

on May. 27 2011 at 5:24 pm
Imaginedangerous PLATINUM, Riverton, Utah
31 articles 0 photos 404 comments
The supervisor was going to kill the typist for letting the guy escape. Sorry that wasn't clear.

on Apr. 9 2011 at 1:10 pm
ManekiNeko SILVER, Cincinnati, Ohio
8 articles 1 photo 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and prove it to be true."

Why was the escapee going to kill the typist?

on Dec. 6 2010 at 11:52 pm
Healing_Angel SILVER, Sydney, Other
8 articles 2 photos 513 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live for today, not for tomorrow

This is different and original. You pulled this off very well. I like it! You can see into both the comp's mind and that of the letter writer....??

on Nov. 28 2010 at 4:38 pm
yourworstnightmare BRONZE, Sioux Falls, South Dakota
4 articles 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
The best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. (Teddy Roosevelt)

This was totally amazing! I loved how it was formatted, it made it more suspenseful. Keep writing!

on Aug. 2 2010 at 11:45 am
emergingtalent SILVER, Riverton, Utah
5 articles 0 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be who you are and say what you feel, Because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter won't mind. -Dr. Seuss

I love this! it is one of my favorites! keep writing!!!!!!!

Strike_Eagle said...
on Jul. 2 2010 at 6:16 am
Strike_Eagle, Warm Springs, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 33 comments
Okay, thanks.


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