Only One

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Gasps sounded and my breath slowly shortened. In the seat next to me, was my mom doing everything she could to seem durable. I, however, was wringing my hands; I was scared. I wasn't sure if it was one of those absolute horror moments, or just pure anxiety rearing its head. I was 16 and felt as if I wanted to sleep forever.

As I came close to a place I never wanted to be, the lights blinded me. I never knew red could be such an overpowering color. The sirens roared, causing loss of hearing to everyone within 10 miles. Everything was happening so quickly, all I could hear was mores code. Still not to sure exactly what was going on or if my grandma would be ok, I knew that after tonight my life would transform and there was no turning back.

I could write for hours about that one night, during that one summer. I could write about the fear, the guilt, and the sorrow. I could write about the relationship I formed with one woman who took that journey with me, but what struck me above all else was that tonight could be the end of that journey.

I personally considered my grandma a mother. She guided and pursued me my whole life to always be more than possible. It was Mother’s Day of 2011 that my best friend became an angel. To picture something so beautiful hovering over and protecting me, just as she did for 16 years, was a heartwarming thought. Although, losing someone is never a positive thing I did what I could to make the best of it. Everyday passing I realized I had responsibilities I had to take on, places that needed filling. My mom lost her mom, my grandfather lost his wife, and I lost a piece of me, none of those were easy shoes to fill. No one could ever replace such a priceless woman, but l knew I needed to step up.

There was many mornings that I would wake up listening to the harmony of my breath, my heart, and the wind in the trees, as they all string together creating a symphony. I continued to try and get answers to my impractical questions. I spoke a lot to the big man above, hoping God could help me cope with the biggest obstacle in my life. I formed a close relationship with my grandpa, understanding how difficult this must be for him as well. Death became my worst enemy after that night; I would speak to death threatening him. “You took Grandma yesterday, but she was different. I loved Grandma in a way that would bring tears to anybody’s eyes. Why would you take her cruelly in your arms, and stalk past me.” There wasn’t a night that passed that I didn’t attempt a game of 20 questions with death.

Despite what negativity death can bring, I eventually lost contact with him and started to talk to life a lot more. I had to do what I could to stay positive, to learn how much of an honor everyday is. People, even I at times worry about things that don’t need to be worried about. Being 17 I realize I am bound to make mistakes, but in the end if I learn form them, I am willing to fall down. Being strong when life gives you ever reason to be weak can feel overbearing, but through positive thoughts and ambitious goals you come to realize that everything that has happened is over, and all you can do is continue. Having a dream is one thing, and making it reality is another. I plan to go to school and make all my dreams come true. Day by day, class after class, I will do what I have to do to be all that I want to be.





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Trish said...
Sept. 28, 2012 at 5:36 pm
This is such a beautiful poem and dedication to your Grandmother . She would be so proud of you if she could read this beautiful essay that you wrote. Brought tears to my eyes. You are Blessed.
 
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