My Personal Growth

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Do you ever feel you need to do the right thing but the motivation doesn’t come into play? Every day went from being a piece of cake, but now it’s a struggle? I have been through that rough patch in life. I think almost everyone has. Those are the moments in life that really teach you a lesson and if you don’t go for the ride you’re never going to learn.
I sat back last year and took a look at my life. I didn’t know much about my future but I did know if something wasn’t done that there wouldn’t be a future. The only problem? My motivation was low. Every little excuse I could think of came to mind to cover up the mistakes and unwillingness that flooded my brain. “Why aren’t you at work Jess? “, “You weren’t at school?” These were the common questions I heard on weekly bases, and my answers? Well I had plenty, none were acceptable excuses though. “I’m depressed”, “I can’t take this anymore”, “I hate school”. Those were my answers and yet I never owned up to them. I always found a way to blame my personal problems and family problems on everyone else around me. I used them as a way to guide myself right back to my comfort zone which clearly wasn’t school and work. My comfort zone was my bed and sleep. Neither of them made me do anything but hide myself from everything I was scared of. What bothered me the most is that everyone at school continuously put smiles on their faces and walked around as if nothing mattered and I couldn’t even do that? I felt abnormal and most of all insecure.
By the end of my junior year I had reached a breaking point. I examined my previous year of life and saw something that was not even me. I was unrecognizable to my friends and family, even myself. Who was I? I constantly asked. Something had to happen. All though I still remained depressed I had to push myself. Growing up and even now, my mom’s famous words are” Push yourself Jess; no one can do this but you.” This was the pure truth. I remember sitting in church and the pastor took one look at everyone and spoke. “God does not give you anything you can’t handle.” I was amazed by that statement. I’m not dead, I have a home, family, friends, clothes, food and I allowed being depressed and common family problems to take over my life? People go through so much more in life than I ever will. I needed to throw those pitied words I can’t out of my vocab.
It is now Sept 26th 2012 as I’m writing this. This was who I was for a brief period of my life, not who I am. School was the best option I could have chosen and will choose again in my near future. Life comes along with decisions that choose our fate. One wrong turn or excuse and maybe I wouldn’t be in this very class writing this very essay. Pushing myself was all I could and needed to do and I wouldn’t have it any other way.





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