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i want to be better

I dislike people saying , “ I lost myself” because i know my identity is not lost , it just needs more uncovering. It is like rooted within you and when you say, “ I have myself., And my dreams”. it is your chance to follow it until it dies out. Hello, my name’s Tsering Dolkar. I am Just 16 at age, but I think I act the age of 20. I have my own simple experiences in life. Take for an example, my hyphenated existence. I am a Nepali, Tibetan and an Indian. This confusion right here, confuses me myself. Born in Nepal, raised up In India but my culture and heritage, I am purely a Tibetan. People do have a first impression of me being Chinese and I have went through it for at least three years now. It bothers me, but I cant do anything about it.


Life in India was very harsh . Going to a private Christian school with high expenses, having thorough problems in the common household, sometimes suffocating to live in the same atmosphere for 15 years. Being absent for only a day, bringing a 40 in science, forgetting to do one homework meant so much trouble that you can ever imagine . The school fee going up each year , the price of text books and notebooks increasing surely meant my mom to work overnight in a restaurant or just selling more shawl’s on the rough roads in the cold chilly hills. This kind of small incidents did bring tears to my eyes sometimes, but I simply smiled it off and showed my gratitude by passing my 9th grade with a 98.9 average. I was a leader, follower and a teacher.
Accepted my mistakes and tried not to do it again. Lived through dramas and I sucked my life up.



After these kind of conditions , I left India and arrived to new York like a vague dream come true. My passion for psychology ,photography and creative writing built up new barriers. My opportunity to prove more of myself was purposively coming true. The day I joined hillcrest high school, I got a weird feeling to be a new person and a distant feeling to leave the old me. Making new friends took time, but one thing I noticed was, people came to me instead of me going for a friend hunt. Freshmen year took the whole part of me to a next level. My education skill increased and decreased. It was like some rocky road I was going through which kept shaking me off now and then. I simply enjoyed the “new” freedom they have here . It didn’t take me long to get addicted to it. But still, I guess I had a little grip of myself and I thank my parents for it. It is also true , I slacked of a great deal, took my advantages for granted, generally threw my nature inside the garbage can , and never bothered to look at it, ever.

Until I realized my grade was dropping from a 90 to a 70, that friends do not mean everything , fashion is not always your top priority and having your mom‘s trust is something which you can live through it for life. I have responsibilities, and an example to show to my little brother. I have to fill others expectations and for once, to stop only thinking about myself. So this year, my junior year. I am participating in clubs and doing part time in community markets. I want to thrive myself , be independent, vanish the feeling of being a burden to my parents . I want to gain my Indian self back, The girl who got a 98.9. I want to be better. So in order to give me a second chance to be myself again, I want to go to college. I will go to college not just to party and have fun, but to pull myself one step closer to the destination I so greatly desire. I do have lofty dreams and the ambition to make them reality. I just need some more good guidance and an instrument to propel my future which will make my life a song, and from which I can forever sing to it.



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