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Keith Lemon: The Film This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Recently I endured the ­horror that was “Keith Lemon: The Film.” Maybe horror isn't the right word. Torture. Calling this a film is a complete and utter joke.

It has been categorized a comedy, but I fail to find a single funny part. The only joke is at the expense of the film itself and not a result of the performances by Leigh Francis as Keith Lemon or the rest of the cast. Even cameos from Gary Barlow, Kelly Brook, and various members of the Spice Girls could not save this sinking ship that rivalled the Titanic in regards to catastrophes. I was left feeling like I wanted to switch places with Rosie (Laura Aikman), who is kidnapped in the film, just so I didn't have to sit through another minute. The film was a who's who of washed-up celebrities.

The narrative lacked any imagination. The plot revolves around Keith Lemon, who is hoping to get rich through selling his latest invention, the “securipole.” The opening scenes of this 85-minute-long disaster offered no hope in terms of entertainment, and my struggle to stay to the end was in vain; I was left feeling embarrassed for having watched.

The IMDb rating of 2.6 is generous. This film has not even been a hit with fans of the ever-flamboyant Keith Lemon. Despite the popularity of his comedy panel show “Celebrity Juice,” fans clearly have been disappointed in the film.

The idea for the film mimics something formulated by two extremely intoxicated individuals. However, I feel that even people in a drunken state would reject its premise, realizing that it's time to stop drinking when you think of an idea as ludicrous as this. There were groans and sighs of frustration where laughs should have been – not a good sign for a “comedy.”
Avoid this film completely. Go and exercise or read a book instead. I urge you to do something more meaningful and interesting with your time; watching paint dry would achieve both of these objectives better than this film.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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