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September 6, 2012
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(This is going be a long rant so unless you don’t have time, just read the last paragraph and I’m gonna go full spoilers so if you really care, then don’t read this) You’re tearing me apart “The Room!!” Now…..I can’t tell you how much this movie is bad. I mean MY GOD! This is the worst of the worst. The steepest pit. GAAAHHHH! I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT IT!! Every line misses its mark. Every character is unlikable. Even the supposedly caring mother is a terrible person. Even with the main character, Jonny, the person we are supposed to identify with, has absolutely nothing remotely good! I LAUGHED at the loop-holes, dialogue, conflict, wall-to-wall gratuitous sex scenes, characters, and EVERYTHING in between. You might say, “Dude, you just gotta let go and just laugh at the whole movie,” NO! You don’t know what you are asking for! And sadly I am supposed to dissect this whole thing which will probably give me cancer thinking about it again.

It stars Tommy Wiseau. You probably never ever heard of that name and never knew it existed until you either watched this movie or watched a review of it. He also wrote, produced, and directed this atrocity. He has some job that is never told but apparently it gives him lots of Benjamins. He is in love with Lisa played by Juliette Danielle. She is the type of character that you wouldn’t care if she would go to rot in the deep depths of hell, but I’ll get into that later. Jonny loves Lisa. Jonny adopted Denny who is the most pointless and weird character ever put in film. In one scene, Jonny and Lisa are going to “take a nap” and then Denny asks if he can go up too….I mean wow…..Anyways, Jonny and Lisa love each other right? Wrong. Lisa tells her mother that she doesn’t love him anymore and then after she leaves; Lisa calls Jonny’s best friend Mark to “talk.” Then guess what happens! Well I’ll leave that up to you. You can probably guess it goes from there. Jonny has a relationship with Lisa and Mark but Jonny doesn’t know about it.

The writing is the worst, most disturbing, laughable, worst acted, most stupid, and just plain bad things that gush out of the film. Let me give you an example: Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi. Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you? Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please? Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you. [grabs bouquet of roses] Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go. Johnny: That's me. How much is it? Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars. Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change. [grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter] Johnny: Hi, doggy. Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer. Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye! Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye! There are no words….

Remember about what I said about Lisa being the worst person in the movie? Well let me tell you why. Not only is she cheating on her fiancé (while still being in an affair with Jonny) she does it at a party when no one is there, she calls him while Jonny is in the bathroom. I MEAN COME ON. Dump the guy instead of just…*inhale* *exhale* And at the very end Jonny kills himself cause he figured out about Lisa so he blows his brains out (I laughed when that happened. Does that make me a bad person?) Lisa and Mark go to his apartment and then she says that now they are free to be together…….GGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! SHE SHOULD HAVE DIED! WHY DIDN’T JONNY KILL HER!?! WHY IS SHE STILL ALIVE!!???

MY GOD, THIS MOVIE!!!! It hits everything wrong. I barely touched the surface. I didn’t talk about the Mother, the plot-holes, the god-awful accent of Tommy Wiseau all for the sake of my, and your sanity. But you know what?! You should watch. After this whole rant, I am actually promoting this atrocity of a film. Your probably thinking to yourself, “The @#$%!?”, but there is a good (bad) reason for this. As Doug Walker/Nostalgia Critic said, ”This is a movie you have to see to believe,” and I agree with that statement. In the end, I hate this movie with a passion and I think you should watch it, to hate it too.

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amanda9503 said...
Sept. 9, 2012 at 8:10 pm
I think if the director of this film were to see this review he would tell you to KEEP YOUR STUPID COMMENTS IN YOUR POCKET.
Jeresur This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm
He'd probably also say, "YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, JERESUR!!!"
amanda9503 replied...
Sept. 10, 2012 at 7:31 pm
Have you ever watched interviews of that guy? You can tell he thinks he's just god's gift to the film industry.
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