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Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

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A lot of people think that Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is a little better than Episode I: The Phantom Menace. And I can kind of see why they would say that. The Phantom Menace had no main character and all of the characters in it were completely boring. And then in this one we get a little more depth, but what is so funny is that this attempt of a love story is actually less bearable than the characters having no character at all. The Phantom Menace made you shake your head in disappointment because the character development, script and plot were all wrong, but with Attack of the Clones, you shake your head sure, but you also are annoyed and groan.

The reason you groan is because....ugh well let me start from the very beginning of the film.

-First we see some ship exploding unexpectedly and there is a death. "Hey this might be pretty good...no wait, I'm still bored because I don't care about that person thanks to The Phantom Menace. "

-Then "Hey Obi Wan and Anakin are in an elevator and Anakin isn't the annoying kid from Jingle All the Way anymore. Hey, this might be pretty good....wait no here comes Jar Jar. Now Anakin is expressing his anger to Jar Jar. AGGHH!!

-Alright! A really cool speeder chase. This isn't boring?? What the?

-About 30 minutes later Anakin winds up with Padme on a beautiful looking planet and "NOOOO the diolauge is getting worse and worse! I'm not believing this. This is horrible. This sucks! NOO

Yes that one speeder chase was so impressive and the love between Padme and Anakin was so unimaginably stupid that the points are going so low it's like that speeder chase never happened.

What's so ironic about this is that the love between Han Solo and Princess Leia in The Empire Strikes Back was so impressive and believable, and it was probably one of the best love stories I've ever seen. Attack of the Clones is one of the worst I've ever seen.

Now, when Anakin and Padme are together there is not a single line of dialoge that I haven't already heard before...oh wait, Anakin at one point says "Your skin is soft. Not like sand. Sand is hard and unpleasant to be around. Not like your skin". The only original line of dialogue was THAT! Probably the dumbest line I've ever heard in my life! There's been a lot of talk about this line, almost as much as Han shooting first in Episode IV. But I really do think that the "sand" line might just be the worst line I've ever heard in a movie.

A lot of people say this movie has bad acting. I don't think it's the acting at all. It's the script! Not even Marlon Brando could read these horrible lines! GEORGE, what the hell were you thinking?! GEORGE!!

Attack of the Clones ultimately fails as a movie. Almost everything that happens in it is completely anti-climactic, unsatisfying, and boring. Which is mainly why these movies don't work.

I just don't see how anyone can like this! It's just so...URRRRGG MAKE IT STOP!!! NO NO NO NOOOO!!!!!

Anakin: I killed them all! Every last one of them!

Myself: Shut up!!!





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