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Twilight Movie

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OK, first of all (to those of you who don't know me well) I want to make it clear that I abhor Twilight and anything to do with it. (I AM a hater, get used to it.) I hate the books (poseurs), the author (for writing the books) and most of all, the MOVIE. Tonight, I have witnessed one of the most horribly gushy, corny, and disgustingly PDA-oriented movies EVER PRODUCED. I would not wish this movie on anyone. The special effects, for one thing, were some of THE worst I've seen in, like, decades. Seriously? One does not refer to oneself as a "spider-monkey" when using "supernatural powers" to be pulled up a tree with an invisible cable. And the running? Tchhh. Special? Not these effects. Second, in my day (the age of non-fiction vampires) they definitely do NOT "sparkle" in the sunlight unless they are "sparkling" with FLAMES that burn the flesh off of their cold, white bones. "Oh, help me someone, this guy is SPARKLING at me!" Somehow, I don't find that scary or even creepy. It's not even pretty, it's just like.... well, SPARKLES! And the actors--don't get me started! (too late) When I first heard of Twilight, Edward sounded like a cute guy, but THE ACTOR was something else entirely. As in like, way, WAY too old for the role of a 17-year-old, has shaving issues and bad hair (SIDEBURNS?!) plus, he was just not attractive whatsoever! Like, who would ACTUALLY fall for him? All he did through the whole movie was scowl and be deeply in love with Bella. Now, this Bella person, for one thing, was waaaay stupid, at least in character. I haven't read the books (Gods forbid) but I got the impression that Bella was someone strongly indepent (while in love at the same time), slightly witty and sarcastic, or at least (pretend) to have SOME of her wits about her! This actress was all fluttering eyelashes and coy flirting--in other words, a COMPLETE AIRHEAD. After she met Edward, all she seemed to do was stare deeply into his eyes and try to kiss him. I had to sit through about 20 minutes worth of scenes (total) that just showed the two doing romantic things. The only fairly-good actor was the one portraying Jacob. Although this might sound a little hypocritacal, this guy had about 7 lines in the whole movie, but he MADE THEM WORK. Unlike Edward, this guy was good-looking, charming, and very sweet-seeming. Not only that, but he seemed to have a brain beneath that gorgeous hair! All the rest of the actors, I didn't really notice, but I will say two things; One, the actor playing the like, Head vampire or dad or whatever bore a striking resemblance to my image of the vampire Lestat (The Vampire Chronicles, Anne Rice) and two, I really loved the way that Alice actress looked.... I wish I looked like that! (DX) Overall, I'd say that this movie was a totally soppy, mushy, disgustingly false display of STUPIDNESS. None of the things they said about the vampires are true besides that they drink blood (duh) , have unique superpower-esque abilities, and are permanently destroyed by fire (this doesn't even WORk half the time). The worst part of the whole experience, though, was the SCREAMING FANGIRLS. OK, so fangirls themselves are the most ANNOYNG thing in the world, but fangirls for fictitious characters? That's downright idiotic. After the show, like the whole (entirely female) audience filed into the restrooms, and I was surprised to see about 15 10-13 year old girls giggling and squealing with the rest! WTF?! This "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" bull was getting on my nerves too. First of all (as stated above) these people are 100% FICTION and they don't have (and most likely wouldn't want) hordes of young girls throughing themselves at them because they've read about their entire love life plus details! If people would question things a bit more, then maybe they wouldn't be FOOLED so often!



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This article has 6 comments. Post your own!

stacie8649 said...
Oct. 21, 2009 at 12:16 pm:
I beg to differ with your article....maybe you need to re-read the books....for one vampires aren't real so anyone can potray them anyway they want....if the book was that bad it wouldn't be a best seller....and if the movie was that bad it wouldn't have sold $74 million in just the opening weekend...the whole point she potrayed vampires different is maybe becuase people have been writing, talking, and watching movies about vampires forever and maybe people get sick of the same ol... (more »)
 
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Mystery_Girl said...
Oct. 14, 2009 at 7:24 am:
My brother has a problem with the "fake" vampires too! That part I don't have a problem with because it is just showing the authors opioion. But the movie! UGH it was TERRIBLE!!! SUCKED!!!! BAD acting and BAD filming. And I agree in the books I am for Bella and Edward (yes I am a fan) but in the movie the only good actors had little parts!!! Like Jacob and Carlisle and Alice!!!!! Yes I want to be Alice too!!! Anyway...your reveiw was very accurate and fans are SO annoying!!!! VER... (more »)
 
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JD said...
Aug. 15, 2009 at 9:18 pm:
Thank god. Bella was nothing but an idiotic damsel in distress. -- And it's like the books were just a bunch of fan fiction. I couldn't stomach the movie but from the tidbits I saw, the acting looked terrible. Good job on the review. :D
 
Mystery_Girl replied...
Oct. 14, 2009 at 7:25 am :
The acting WAS terrible!!!!! My Brother and I are "junkies" on movies and we watch for bad acting....and it was TERRIBLE!!!!!!!
 
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resilva said...
Aug. 12, 2009 at 2:11 pm:
Ha ha, I guess you don't particularly care for Twilight is the feeling I'm getting here? I read some of the first book (I couldn't get through the entire thing) and you're right; Bella isn't interesting or intelligent enough to have an entire book centered around her. The patriarchal hierarchy in this series is so evident it's difficult to believe a woman wrote it. And there really are nothing more annoying than fangirls (this coming from a fanboy, and we can get pretty annoy... (more »)
 
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unearthlyhaphazard said...
Jul. 28, 2009 at 1:20 am:
Oh my god. You rock! Although I genuinely really love the first two books in the Twilight Saga, Twilight and New Moon, I HATED the movie! I totally agree with you on everything you said. (I wish I looked like Alice, too.) Most of my friends are completely obsessed with the movie and the actors, and it's great to have such a refreshing change from all the photos on their binders and discussing it 24/7. All in all, fantastic review! Awesome job!
 
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