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Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

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There may have been reviews of the popular work, Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer, but I'm sorely hoping none have been like mine yet. I'll let you prepare yourself, though; you might want to take a deep breath.
First of all, for anybody who hasn't read it or heard of it, Twilight is about a girl named Bella Swan who, in short, meets a vampire named Edward. They fall in love. Typical of this kind of romance, problems arise because he's a vampire. The series seems to go on for at least two thousand pages, but that's the basic outline no matter what people will tell you.
I picked up this book because that idea sounds incredible -- not original (you could find work like that by any aspiring or published writer) but, in my mind, I thought, “It's published -- it's gotta be good.”
I was wrong.
Bella Swan is a run-of-the-mill Mary-Sue whose flaw seems to be… clumsiness. And, as many fans of the book will cry, love and being human. Those aren't flaws, though. It's called human nature. Unless Bella's some… alien or something. Edward is perfect. He's beautiful (constantly referred to as ‘marble'), smart, rich, drives nice cars and, to top it off, he's a vampire. But Edward is so busy wallowing in self-disgust because he thinks he's an abomination who doesn't deserve to be with Bella because he may bite her, her scent is too alluring -- all these things. Bella blindly loves him because he's good looking, and he's drawn to her because of her scent. They never, once, have a real conversation to talk about anything other than their obsessions with each other. They just suddenly fall in love. Serious love -- the kind you see in matured adults who've been dating for years and are going to get married.
I couldn't believe it.
Alright, I told myself. But he's still a vampire. Wrong. Edward is a vampire who doesn't drink human blood. He drinks animal blood. That should be understandable, but he also possesses no other abilities exclusive to vampirism. Holy water, crosses, churches, wooden stakes, sunlight -- nope. As a matter of fact, in sunlight he sparkles. I couldn't believe it. But Twilight fans love it. These vampires may as well be sparkling Chupacabras.
Time to get into it, though. My opinion? This book is terrible. Bella Swan constantly needs Edward because she's always tripping into trouble -- be it a van or what seemed like a gang of rapists in an alleyway. He dictates what she should or shouldn't do for her safety. When Edward leaves her (for her own safety), she falls into a serious depression but has another boy, Jacob, to cling to. Unsurprisingly she falls in love with him, too. Basically, she can't get by without some man's big strong arms. She's also very flat, and even though Meyer wants us to think she's a sort of shy bookworm, it doesn't work. She's just a Sue. A Mary Sue.
Then there's the pedophilia argument -- that Edward, who is about 107, is in love with a seventeen year old girl. Even though he's physically trapped as a seventeen year old, you'd think he matured mentally. Bella and Edward also have a child who is destined to fall in love with Jacob. I'd hate to fall in love with my mother's ex-boyfriend; that's sort of… strange.
Not to mention the writing, which really stuck out to me at first. Stephenie Meyer's did her duty as a writer very poorly. In a 500 page book with about 100 pages of actual plot, the other 400 were just Bella and Edward fawning over each other. If this had been a piece on character development, I'd understand, but it wasn't. At all. It's also obvious Meyer is an amateur -- she abused the thesaurus and made what is obviously a self-insert the main character. That's usually the calling card for a Mary Sue, by the way. Bella looks like Meyer (albeit younger) and, according to Meyer, even has events based on Meyer's life experiences. Meyer is living through her young, cardboard character. People will argue that she's got a degree in English, but writing isn't something that you can be taught. Like many creative talents, writing abilities are something you have developed from birth -- not in a course.
The fact that nobody's brought up the anti-feminist overtones or pedophilic implications baffles me. Where are the media critics who attacked Rowling for wizards, or said that Pokemon were Japanese propaganda? The ones who throw a fit over Bert and Ernie being gay? Even if nobody will attack the book's strange themes, what about the fact that it's just bad writing? Meyer can't write but she sells millions of copies to dreamy girls and thirty year old women who can't find true love? Why does it seem like the only people who are aware of this are, like, working underground? Is this some strange propaganda or takeover in action? I just don't get it. Younger fans think that people against the book just don't get it. On the contrary, I think they just don't get it. Try arguing with a fan of Twilight and see how many substantial comebacks you get. How many mention that you're just not in touch with love or that you just ‘don't want to like it because it's cool.' If you get a good argument, see how many will flat out not answer.
A whole lot of them.
To any adults out there -- who are completely competent -- pick up the book. Read it. Know that, if you gave your daughter that twenty dollars to go into Barnes



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This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

ELM522 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 21, 2011 at 7:26 pm
Thank you for writing this!!!!  Too many teen writers waste their time reading pointless pop novels that are as deep as a puddle!  As an aspiring novelist, I find this book offensive!
 
ThisBreRulezYouSonnn said...
Nov. 19, 2011 at 9:52 pm

Couldn't be truer. I looked throughout this site to look for someone to bash Twilight. The only reason why people aren't bashing it is because they're afraid of Twi-hards and b/c a lot of books have been sold and everyone is basing Twilight on it's cover.

I liked Twilight until I realized that it was truly BS in a bottle, and, eventually, people will get over Twilight.

 
Aelia said...
Jun. 12, 2010 at 10:17 am

This is an incredible review! It is interseting and your use of language to bash Meyer's queer use of language is amazing! Good job!

I completely agree with you. When I first picked it up, I thought I would love it since I'm a sucker for love stories. And I like vampires too. But as I read on, I just can't believe that this is the book that has millions of girls screming. This book consists of very little and poorly constructed plot. For most part, Bella describes how much she loves Ed... (more »)

 
Orion said...
Nov. 26, 2008 at 2:27 am
I'm wondering who else here knows that Stephenie Meyer plagiarized teen author Jordan Scott's vampire love story The Nocturne. Having heard these types of rumors about Meyer before, I'm not surprised...but knocking off a teenager's first book -- THAT'S low. That's seriously low, even for you, Meyer. Instead of Breaking Dawn, you should have called this cheap imitation "The Knock-off".

So, it's no wonder that Breaking Dawn was such a weird ending to the series. No wonder... (more »)
 
Coco said...
Oct. 9, 2008 at 7:25 pm
THIS ROCKS
 
Twilight Fan said...
Oct. 2, 2008 at 12:53 am
I think that you ripped this book apart for no reason at all! Twilight fans love the book because it is a fun, light read. You didnt like it because you analyzed it too much. What you said was mostly true, but that is what makes it great- you dont expect those things to happen between a 17 year old human and an oober- sexy 107 year old vampire! dont hate us fans because you are so gosh darned picky!
 
Coraline said...
Oct. 1, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Thank you. I've read the Twilight series. It's not bad. It's not perfect. Thank you. By the way, if you want good literature, try Neil Gaiman. Now, that man's a master.
 
Limwen said...
Sept. 28, 2008 at 3:37 am
My search is over!! I've been scanning this site for many a-moment searching searching for another Twilight-Hater. AND I HAVE FOUND ONE! Brilliantly reviewed, hit most all the key points that made this novel suck. And I agree; where are the attackers? Why does no one get it? I just finished writing a bad Twilight review... But always nice to know that there are more out there!
 
PurpleGirl said...
Sept. 27, 2008 at 10:04 pm
So, so true.
 
natzbrat said...
Sept. 24, 2008 at 12:41 am
OMG! But i absolutely love this book. i like love stephenie meyer. she's my idol. Your not very nice...
 
Bella Cullen said...
Sept. 7, 2008 at 4:39 am
I can't believe that you would think like that. Oh and BTW NOT a good idea title a review Twilight and then bash the whole series, giving away MAJOR key points! Luckily I finished the whole series already, and didn't have to suffer. I really don't understand who could see the Twilight Saga this way! Could you give me an example of a book you actually thought was good? Because, I LOVED this series, and I'd read it a million times!
 
Amy said...
Aug. 29, 2008 at 4:14 pm
A good review, I'm coming to the end of the first book and only picked it up because my friend, a major Twilight fan kept going on about it. I agree with pretty much everything you said, nothing special what-so-ever... but had to stop halfway through, you gave away all the crazy stuff that's supposed to follow A very good review well done!
 
L8rG8r08 said...
Aug. 26, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Wow! I never really thought about it before, but Lily, you're kinda right. When I first read Twilight, I was all "Aw! That's so romantic!" or "Aw! They really love each other!" But there are some unecessary things in there. Like you said, 400 pages are of Bella and Edward fawning over each other! I still like the book, and I think it's alright, and an interesting idea, but less than I did before I read your review...
 
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