Twilight by Stephanie Myer

December 16, 2009
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No matter where you live you have probably heard of Twilight. Well maybe you live on a deserted island. The basic gist of this book is that the main character Bella moves to a really rainy town called Forks, Washington. Bella falls in love with a vampire, which surprise, surprise lands her in mortal danger.

While this book has a few good points, most of it is awful and the writing is horrible.
“And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.”
Because kissing stone lips sounds so very appealing. Got to give it to her though, Myer is a great marketer. The background characters while occasionally realistic have just one characteristic which ends up defining them. The main characters while for the most part deeper are all extremes. Edward’s outer qualities are “flawless” and “angelic” as described by Bella and his inner qualities are worthy of a psych ward. Bella however is oblivious of Edwards problems. On that note Bella is extremely clumsy, stupid, and she’s a trouble magnet. Don’t worry though Edward will save her being the rugged, indestructible vampire he is. This insanely stereotypical dynamic opens the door perfectly for a Damsel in Distress theme.

The first time there’s a hint at a plot besides Edward and Bella’s borderline abusive relationship is about two thirds of the way through the book. At first I thought the plot was just subtle or that it was just fashionably late, but no. And when the plot does arrive in all it’s glory it's so generic that you almost miss it because that just can't be the plot. No way, no how. But it is. In fact it seems to me that Stephanie Myer started getting near the end of her book, she realized that it lacked a plot, barely squeezed it into the last a hundred or so pages, and sent it off to her editor.

I have no idea why anyone would like this book. But it is apparent that people do like it as it has sold, what a billion copies now? I read the books so that I could make a valid and informed argument against them. Doctors are currently advising people to stay away from the books and other merchandise to avoid contamination, wash hands regularly, and maintain a healthy immune system. So far there is no known cure to the widespread Twilightpox.

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