Wisdom Teeth Removal

July 23, 2016
By sofocarrrot GOLD, Marietta, Georgia
sofocarrrot GOLD, Marietta, Georgia
15 articles 1 photo 0 comments

If I stuck my hand outside the window right now, I doubt I’d be able to see it. Really. It’s raining that hard. Summer rain that comes down in sheets thicker than the two-hundred-year-old white oak down the street and turns the gutters into rivers fit for white water rafting.

I haven’t been outside in two days. Not because of the rain, but because of the four teeth that were stolen from me yesterday morning. They not only took my teeth; they took my wisdom. I’m not upset. I gave them permission because they told me that things would go horribly wrong if they didn’t take them, so I trusted them and gave up a week of my life to suffering from the moderate pain associated with the lack of wisdom teeth.
I could tell you that it’s been dreary and dull, sitting on the couch, sleeping on the couch, eating on the couch, but that’d be a lie. I’ve watched around twenty episodes of a competitive cooking show where they cook all of the foods I can’t eat, and boy, do I feel like I could cook something incredible if I could stand up.

Before making a decision about yourself based on my experience, hear me out. Although many significant people in your life may think it a sin to turn down this surgery, getting your wisdom teeth removed may not be the right decision for you.

My diet has been limited to milkshakes, ice cream, soft noodles, and soup, but since those are my favorite foods, it hasn’t been an issue. If you can’t stand any of the aforementioned foods, I’d recommend not heeding the doctor’s recommendations for wisdom teeth removal. If you are unaccustomed to oral pain or already lack wisdom, I’d recommend the same. If you’re irresponsible and unwilling to follow the surgeon’s instructions for oral care, just walk away from the imminent doom that lies in your future. It’ll be worth it.

However, if you are an individual with great foresight and a desire for good health, wisdom teeth removal is the right decision for you. I’d give my experience a solid three out of five stars.

The author's comments:

Don't take this seriously. It's satire. Please get your wisdom teeth removed if your doctor recommends it.

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