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who i am
some people might like the way theyve become, and who theyve become, but frankly? i hate it.
you can argue with me all you want, tell me things that you try to make me feel better, but it wont work. i know its not true when you say those things, and it almost hurts more that you lie. id rather greive in peace, and id rather put myself down so i could change.
i hate it when people are like “no your smart” or “no your skinny” and even “oh my god that artwork is soo good.”
seriously people. didnt your parents and teachers always tell you its bad to lie? even if you lie to try to make people feel betteer…its not good to lie at all, whatsoever.
because, if you lie to someonne saying good stuff to them, stuff thats positive, then youll start to tell yourself bad stuff. youll start to compare yourself to them and try to compete with them.
my friend and i were talking about how we always put ourselves down, and we were talking about how when you start to lie, you start to lie everywhere. she asked me that if we keep putting ourselves down, and telling ourselves negative things, are we lying to ourselves? are you lying to yourself when you say youre ugly? when you say your fat? when you say your stupid?
after time we start to believe it ourselves…and thats why i hate who ive become so much, or rather, who ive told myself i am.
i hate that now i actually AM stupid, and now im getting bad grades in school already. i hate that now i actually AM fat, or at least bigger than i ever was. i hate that now i DO have worse skin than i ever have had.
what im so confused about though, is that are we lying to ourselves? or do we actually beleive it? because if we told ourselves that in the first place, then we must have had some kind of truth in it…right? because obviously now i believe it, but did i in the first place? is it now in my brain the image i have to live up to? the person i have to become? because im not satisfied with myself?
im not exactly sure now. i got myself confused. all i know though, is that i dont like who ive become….but that must be because i told myself that the person ive become is not who i should be.
the only thing im 100% sure about though, is that we all need to stop hating ourselves. we need to learn to love who we are. whenver we say that we hate when people judge us, its only because we know that theres stuff to judge because we make ourselves believe it.
okay nevermind. im so confused now.