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Not Too Late

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My life changed the moment I entered high school. I’m no longer a child, well protected and babied. No, I’ve shed my childhood; my outlook on life changed as my environment shifted colors. My books became too easy and lacked some serious plot. My stuffed animals which once held my interest for long periods of time now seem juvenile. I stripped my bed of its pink hello kitty covers and changed them to a simple cream. I took down the stars that glowed in the dark from my ceiling and got rid of the pictures I created long ago. Those things, now folded neatly into piles are sitting in the attic accumulating dust. I’m not sad to see them go; I simply changed my way of life.

Not once during my transition from a child to adolescent bothered me. My body changed, as well as my mindset. I never questioned my state of mind as I grew accustomed to my new life. I hung out with the people I liked and made fun of the ones I didn’t. I was well known in my school, got good grades although they could be better, and I definitely have a reputation for being a flirt. I despised childish things, often denouncing anything that remotely reminded me of a childhood. I was in a hurry to grow up, to be able to do things my way, to be an adult.

Part of the reason why I was so anxious to seem older than I am had something to do with seeing all my other friends get away with things. They didn’t have to go home early, nor did they have to do their homework. They drank, they smoked, they cut class, and they rebelled in any way possible. Their lives seemed care free. I wanted to be like that; to be able to think for myself and decide whether or not to drink, to smoke or anything else I wanted. I was tired of hearing my parents telling me what I should do, plan my life, be my guardians. I guess that’s what rebellion is.

At first I was timid. I did things that were minute compared to some of the things my other friends did. I went to parties and hung out with guys. First we would just flirt. But as time passed, I grew bolder, drinking more often and dancing with my friends. Then I progressed into dancing with boys I didn’t know, grinding on them. Soon, I was doing some pretty racy things with strangers. Each time, I would challenge myself to go a little further; whether it was with a boy or with any other thing. I became fearless. If there was a party, I would be there. If there were boys, I was sure to be in the middle of that crowd. My number of friends increased as I became known for my wild ways. Boys wanted to get with me and girls wanted to be me. I was living in perfect content for a while.

Well, you know what they say, life can’t always be fun. And sure enough my wild times caught up with me. On Halloween night, I went to a party hosted by a senior. There were lots of guys there; most of them in college. What a perfect way to start the night. I went to the party with some friends and immediately started drinking. By the middle of the night, we were drunk and ready to shake things up. We danced, we screamed, we did everything imaginable. I was having a blast. Then I met a guy. He told me he was in college although I wasn’t listening. All I was thinking about was hooking up with the guy. We went to his car and made out. We went further than I wanted to and I tried to stop him. That night is forever engraved in my mind.

The specific details are too much for me to relive. I know now that I had made a mistake; a huge one that I can never take back. After that night in his car, I walked back to my home, took an hour long shower and went to bed. I didn’t go to school the next day, or the day after. I didn’t pick up my phone calls and didn’t want to speak to my parents. For two weeks, I stayed in my bed, sometimes crying, other times just staring into space. How did I not see that I was slipping? I was going down such a dangerous slope and I didn’t bother to hold myself upright. And when the time came and I finally fell into that bottomless pit, I had no one to pull my back out. But as time passed I slowly pulled myself back out. And when I managed to get myself out of that hole, I felt like a new person again. My life changed; from that wild girl to someone who is more careful. I no longer have the same friends. I stopped smoking but I still drink sometimes. Parties are a strict no for me now. School is now my number one priority and I have a curfew. Living with such strict conditions makes me miss my old life. But I think back to that night and I’m thankful that I have this new code to live by. I’m thankful that my parents are willing to take me back. And I’m grateful that I have another chance to start over. Most of all, I’m just happy it wasn’t too late.





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Lan A. said...
Jun. 2, 2009 at 9:26 pm
wow, your story is amazing!!! I totally love it. Thanks a lot for sharing your story with us. !_@
 
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