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Pizza This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   As a noted food critic once said, "What's good for the tomato, isn't always good for the crust."

Hardly can a more pertinent example be found than in Rosanna's New and Improved Deluxe Sausage and Mushroom Microwave Pizza For One. Obviously the tomato sauce is spectacular. Indicative of Mama Rosanna's past efforts, it is robust yet not overbearing. Made only from the ripest of tomatoes, and Mama's finest Italian spices, the sauce provides an experience more shocking to the tongue than inserting said appendage into a light socket. This fine improvement of the sauce makes it richer, and will no doubt serve the same purpose for Mama herself, as recent pizza sales have picked up tremendously.

Thought she has changed the sauce, Ms. Rosanna has retained the handy microwaving instructions. These conveniently located visual aids make the pizza preparation plan easier to follow than the maze on the the back of the McDonald's Choo-Choo Locomotive's Happy Meal. And the spectacular bubbling of artificial cheese substitute as it is bombarded by tiny electrons is indeed a sight to behold.

Mama's homey picture on the upper-left corner of the box still remains a symbol of fine pizza. Yet the picture has been altered, and now appears more serene, more friendly. It seems to say, "Try this pizza, and afterwards I'll read you a bedtime story." The change in expression does Mama good. Surprisingly enough, there are further packaging improvements: the handy crisping disk makes a good frisbee substitute, as, by the way, does the pizza itself, if left in the oven too long.

As Shakespeare's Italian chef once said, the pizza's the thing. And, like scissors that have been left out to rust in a bruly April rainstorm, Rosanna's new effort doesn't cut it. Though I would be the first to admit that the L-Cysteine Monohydrochloride brings out every gram of flavor from the specially cured sausage, the overall taste is too smooth, and a bit too bland. The small amounts of calcium propionate added to retard spoilage of the crust, well, like an unemployed magician, they just don't do the trick. The crust was soggy, and actually tasted a bit like that Twinkie you find between the cushions of the car's back seat.

Mama Rosanna has done such great things for my tastebuds in the past, I am disheartened to offer this negative report. Yet perhaps sometime soon, I will zap up another pie, and give the Mama a chance to reclaim her legendary status in the world of frozen entrees. Maybe if I remove the plastic covering.




This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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TheHandThatWieldsThePen said...
Aug. 19, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Different, but interesting.
 
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