Bedtime

July 3, 2017
By jackdove13 BRONZE, Norwalk, Connecticut
jackdove13 BRONZE, Norwalk, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"A child miseducated is a child lost." -JFK


The tides of stress seem to rise with the moon,
and choppy ocean waters crash against the wall.
On this fateful evening in early stormy June,
the tidal wave of bedtime starts the nightly brawl.

 

Thirst, hunger, and fear coincidentally appear;
stories, songs, and lullabies continue on into the night.
It’s long past bedtime and yet she hasn’t shed a tear,
but now the wave is crashing, with no calm in sight.

 

Drops of the sea pour down her innocent freckles and cherub cheeks.
Lightning illuminates those tears in her fiery, ocean-blue eyes.
I can hear the sea toss and turn in her piercing shrieks.
I wish her smooth sailing to dreamland, so I pray to the ocean and the skies.

 

Eventually I rescue her from the churning, murky sea,
and we drift off to sleep, seeking morning’s warm tranquility.


The author's comments:

I frequently am put in charge of putting my youngest sister to bed, which is a nightly struggle. This poem uses the metaphor of a tidal wave and storm to illustrate this challenge.


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This article has 15 comments.


Alyssa Lorch said...
on Jul. 15 2017 at 9:43 pm
Loved the opening and ending. Creative analogy and fun to read. Keep writing. You have talent

DG11teenink said...
on Jul. 10 2017 at 10:00 pm
Love, love, love it. I can see those tears on her freckles right in front of me. Congrats on top voted sonnet, and keep on writing Jack!

on Jul. 10 2017 at 9:56 am
jackdove13 BRONZE, Norwalk, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"A child miseducated is a child lost." -JFK

Thanks guys! Love your feedback and support. Hopefully I do get into the magazine, but being voted the #1 sonnet is still pretty cool!

JB123 said...
on Jul. 10 2017 at 12:11 am
Quality poetry. Meaning behind each line, a clear and powerful message. Well done.

richclem21 said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 8:54 pm
What a sweet, compassionate brother! Good to see teens not only writing but caring about their siblings as well.

Deepthinker said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 4:13 pm
This poem shows a beautiful rhythm. The cadence with the ocean imagery is almost soothing despite its subject matter. Berg well executed.

Ygteenink said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:46 pm
Wonderful!

AmeliaM said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:35 pm
This is why the world is a great place; teens like Jack put their phones down and produce art and writing that improves the lives of everyone around them. Great work Jack, keep writing. I hope to see you in the magazine!

on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:33 pm
Phenomenal. Really painted a picture in my head.

JuliaZ said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:30 pm
Nice use of nature in your sonnet. Feel free to lose the rhyme scheme and write prose every once in a while. Love it!

Lrolander said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:29 pm
Made me think of my childhood; my sister was the same way! I can still feel that tidal wave crashing on top of me every night. Keep writing poetry jack!

Tgarrett said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:26 pm
Yes!!! Sums it up well. Good luck with future writing, jackdove13

Jfish said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:25 pm
Methodical, yet tasteful and beautiful

Ikobu said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:24 pm
Lovely, lovely stuff! Can someone show me how to subscribe to the magazine? I'd love to read poems like these out on my porch with a lemonade.

eshumaker said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:22 pm
Excellent. This is unbelievable poetry; it makes me think, and also creates a beautiful rhythym and melody. I love the storm and sister device.

Agreed! said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 1:05 pm
Jack used the metaphors not for the sake of using them, but with real purpose. I can totally relate; putting sisters to bed is a challenge! Good luck with your poetry Jack; I'd love to see you published in the Teen Ink magazine!

drooney6 said...
on Jul. 9 2017 at 12:59 pm
Excellent use of natural metaphors to illuminate your experience with your sister's "bedtime". I especially enjoyed the last line, which used "tranquility" to contrast the rest of the poem. 9.5 / 10, great stuff




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