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Dark Night

It was that dark night long ago,
when all creatures where about--
all singing in a loud shout!
while the wind rocked the bow--
and tumbled like balls in bingo,
and among the people came a great fear of doubt,
but now it is time to say lights out.
just like that time in Mexico.

I begun to worry--
and tried to stay calm--
but it was to late to tell my mother sorry;
cause I was about to be embalmed.
the air was full of furry--
as I became a memory.



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LonglegsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 2:03 pm:
This is awesome! It has perfect rhythm and even rhymes. Definitely a five star! By the way, I checked out your profile. We have the same favorite books :).
 
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_Zavery_This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 20 at 5:56 pm:
Love this poem and the rhythm used in it. Very detailed and the last line was a good closing. Nice job!!
 
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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 16 at 11:18 am:
This is a great poem. The rhythm was very smooth, and paragraphing allowed it to emphasize the most important phrases. The end is the most shocking, yet the most wistful as well, since you realize that they had died. The line 'but it was too late to tell my mother sorry;' was used well and caught my attention. It really doesn't seem shockingly dark, rather the wistful tale of someone being lost and fading into the past. On a whole, very well written and configured. Keep up the good w... (more »)
 
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IndigoElisabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 28 at 9:30 pm:
Lol just saw this :P
 
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thenaturalmysticThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 25 at 9:12 am:
this is awesome love the peice !
 
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ChrisTid7 said...
Feb. 13 at 11:22 pm:
It's like pretty awesome.
 
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j.g.poemsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 13 at 6:22 pm:
This poem litterally made me say "woah". Very different.
 
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O.G.B said...
Jan. 26 at 5:26 pm:
Interesting Poem. As authorgirl mentioned, the bingo balls kind of threw me off but nevertheless, the end of the poem captivated my attention again :)
 
Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6 at 11:21 pm :
Thanks for the reply, and yes, that was bad on my part! I would've done something different, but at the time I had just started writing poetry and was having trouble coming up with another word to rhyme instead of that, but, poetry is always a wotk in progress:).
 
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authorgirl_4_19 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 14 at 5:29 pm:
I felt that the bingo comparison threw me off but by the last stanza I was very intrigued. Good job.
 
Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6 at 11:23 pm :
Thank you for the comment:) I was having trouble with rhyming there, amd that was one of my first poem so it was tough, now it's easier for me to rhyme.
 
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GreekGoddessThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 31, 2013 at 4:20 pm:
Hmm, interesting. There were a couple spelling mistakes but that's fixed easily. You might want to captilize the first letter of each line so that the reader has an easier time to read it. There were a couple places where you put in something that makes the reader yearn to know more ("just like that time in Mexico", "but it was too late to tell my mother sorry") and that distracts the reader a little bit. I really liked the last verse, very good and creative! This was goo... (more »)
 
Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6 at 11:26 pm :
Thank you:) Yes, I made a few silly mistakes, and I shouod've elaborated nore, but I had to stuck with a certain style for my school project. Also, now that you said to captilize at the beginning of each line I ha e been doing that in my workwork now:)
 
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micshea99This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 18, 2013 at 3:49 pm:
Wow! That is amazing!
 
Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6 at 11:27 pm :
Thanks!:) 10 charcters
 
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Indigo.KnowsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 22, 2013 at 9:58 am:
Great job! A few punctuation/spelling errors but overall, very creative sonnet!
 
Mr.packerbear12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 6 at 11:29 pm :
Thanks Artgirl!:) Been missing you in the forums, please come back:) *cute puppy eyes*
 
IndigoElisabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Feb. 28 at 9:31 pm :
lol just saw this :P
 
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