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The Top Secret.

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The night you left me there, the night you left me to cry, to scream out in such defeat,
I would have died if it wasn't for the strength inside of me that refused such request.
Those demons you left me with were persitant in pushing me closer to the street,
Those thoughts swarmed overwhelmingly inside my head drowning out all the rest.
I almost lost control, let my feet led me into the path of a busy intersection,
Because you might not understand, but I didn't know how to live without you.
I didn't know to proccess that the one person who was supposed to love me could turn me away in complete rejection,
This reality I was to accept was heartbreaking, and left my vision tainted by painful hues of blue.
I was still young, and inable to express how much I needed, you, my father,
At the very least you could have said goodbye, you could have gave me a hug and wished me the best.
But you were preoccupied in your lies, to consumed to even bother,
Do you realize that you left me there alone feeling like this was a trick, a trial, a test?
No way this was real, the pain to overbearing to even ponder the thought,
But when you didn't return, when denial pushed my head from it's shoulder, I had no choice.
The tug a war between my head and heart was fought,
And somehow, someway, I would have to find my voice.
My head had clearly won that battle and I'd continue on another day,
Trying desperately to forgive, and to forget so time couldn't make me resentful,
Shaking my head at thoughts of words that I should have said to convience you to let me stay,
While trying to imagine the tragic life I'd live, the constant string of diaster, nothing short of eventful.
It hurts to be so young, and to feel so much, to have to see things from your eyes,
To be told nothing less than perfection will be accepted and this is just a matter of playing the game,
Constantly feeling as if my emotionss must remain six feet under, making truths feel like lies.
And knowing that nothing will ever be the same.
I will never be so concerned over the whispers, and snickers of class mates,
Or over the end of a silly crush, because I know what it is to feel pain,
I now know not to take a second for granted, to always live in the furture and don't focus on what awaits.
I know the long rides back and forth and that there will be tears shed as the distance seperates us, as i sit and reminisce on the train.
The pain that is relived with every visit and the source of the all my insecurity,
But if anything i took with me this, i can survive anything, that a heart can be broken, and like bones it can heal.
I became a much more than just a girl, gifted with maturity.




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