Am I invisible?

December 10, 2009
Am I invisible to you?

Something you just see through

not a person nor an object

nor something that can cause an effect

on you, your emotions, or your dreams

it makes me want to cry and scream

how can I make you notice me?

tell me what I have to be

your what I long for more than life

but my transparency is the knife

that cuts me down again and again

and causes me so much pain

Just please, I'm begging notice me!

Your attention is the way to set me free...

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Bassoonkelley This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 27, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Your voice is loud in your work, but the metaphors you chose really keep me from getting into your poetry. "Knife" and "scream" are very common words in poetry, and when you're looking for a great poem you want something new and exciting! Look for more interesting and powerful vocab to strengthen up your poetry.
Really great start!
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