You & Me

October 8, 2009
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I saw you today,
But you're not as I remember.
Your eyes no longer sparkle,
You've changed since last September.

You were so full of life,
Yet now you are so cold.
Your personality has tarnished,
When you once had a heart of gold.

You fell out of my life,
Just like leaves in the fall.
We were so very close,
Now you're not here at all.

You saw me today,
I'm the same as you remember.
My eyes still sparkle,
I've not changed since last September.

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LittleRedRidingHood said...
Mar. 23, 2013 at 8:06 pm
I love your poem! I think the idea's great, there were a couple of bits in which the rythum was very slightly off, but it was hardly noticable, so I think that it was still amazing! :0)
kincaid_ily said...
Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:04 am
It looks like to me you were trying to write an english sonnet. But for future refferance here is rhyme schemes... Italin: a-b-b-a, a-b-b-a, c-d-e-c-d-e English: a-b-a-b, c-d-c-d, e-f-e-f, g-g.
lysha said...
Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm
this was extremely good!
RyanM. said...
Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm
That's what my friends think of me, but I see it as they haven't changed for the better they stayed the same.
RyanM. replied...
Feb. 7, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Oh and amazing job by the way
Delilah..2 said...
Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:07 pm
i love this poem is it a sonnet
DreamingOfNirvana said...
Feb. 1, 2013 at 8:01 pm
This poem is amazing, so true and relatable! Great job!
shayKittyFlcoka said...
Jan. 22, 2013 at 12:55 am
love this poem..shows howb ppl change we no one is lookin. great job!
love_bird said...
Jan. 16, 2013 at 7:38 pm
this is really good! i wish i could write one like this  
VickyNickyKitty said...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:02 pm
I loved this poem.  It was one of the most beautiful poems that I have ever read.  I think that everybody can relate to this poem in some way.  Wonderful job!
1stclasspoetrylover said...
Dec. 17, 2012 at 7:49 pm
Really beautiful work. It almost brought me to tears becuase it reminded me of a very close friend of mine that I lost. He/she becmae a different entity when i saw them; lost in negative thoughts and drained of life. Friendships can last forever, and we will remember them, but sometimes those memories about them are the only thing that we can relate to, because the current state of our friend(s), aren't like they use to be. Thanks again
IfLifeGivesYouLemons This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm
It's a greay poem...but it's not a sonnet. There isn't a defined meter to it, and (please correct me if I'm wrong) I believe the rhyming pattern is wrong. It's an excellent piece of writing, but it's in the wrong category. 
grace1017 replied...
Jan. 18, 2013 at 2:28 pm
You're right! This isnt a sonnet. A true sonnet has iambic pentameter. Which means the each line has ten syllables each. A true sonnet also has 3 stanza's and one closing statement with two lines. The first stanza needs to have a problem. The second is for when the problem gets worse and the third is a possible solution. The last two lines in the closing statement are for the solution. ALL LINES MUST HAVE TEN SYLLABLES EACH. (I did all caps to make it obvious or something... i dunno.)&nb... (more »)
DreamingOfNirvana replied...
Jan. 31, 2013 at 11:51 pm
Well you can still have a sonnet without the iambic pentameter can't you? I just learned about sonnets in honors english and the iambic pentameter and stuff but our teacher told us that we could write a sonnet without that. Do they ALL NEED THAT EVERY TIME?
urbanhippieyo replied...
Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:42 am
Sonnets are comprised of 14 lines consisting of iambic pentameter.
MidnightWriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 3, 2012 at 2:02 am
I met a friend on the city bus a week and a half ago. I hadn't spoken much to him in over a year. I guess he gave up on me. Anyway, I understand that lifeless feeling we see in someone's eyes. It's like looking into the face of a stranger, even though we used to know almost everything about them; we don't anymore. They don't know us. We have to leave it that way. 
Chloenhearts said...
Dec. 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm
Im not sure if you turned this in for a grade in school, but your poem was amazing. And sad. lol. But your rhyme scheme was off and so was the lines in the paragraphs. Soo I kind of changed your poem a little and hopefully you wont care if I turn it in as a grade. So it goes: (line 1)I saw you today, but youre not as I remember. (line 2) Your eyes no longer smile (line 3) Youve changed since last september (Line 4) I would travel for that old you miles and miles. 2nd paragraph: (Line 1) In my ... (more »)
CallMeAlex98 said...
Nov. 8, 2012 at 12:14 pm
I feel the same way about my ex-bestfriend. 
Lea28 said...
Nov. 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm
This is so good. Keep it up !
dotsonboy99 said...
Nov. 1, 2012 at 11:12 am
this was a very unique and well written.
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