Thank you! I actually finished the song and I have a producer wanting me to be one of his song writers for his son. It sounds better now that its finished and I did take out sting for the finished copy. You were right it sounded better.

Hey there! It's rare that I read songs just because I feel that poems are more "my thing" but every now and then I will read them. So, this was a much shorter song than I normally see on here, but I like simple stuff, too. I like the small amount of rhyming in here. I thought it flowed pretty well. I thought the line 'Every word you say stings like a bee sting' could be edited a bit as far as taking out the second 'sting' and just simply leaving it at bee. It sounded better that way, to me, but it's your song. I think this has some potential, I would like to see the song once it's finished. Add some more metaphors and more rhymes when you do decide to extend it. Best of luck to you on your writings.