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What's Wrong?

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Why are you so distant?
Sometimes it's like you aren't even here
I'll say something with good intent
You give me a piercing glare
Oh why won't you tell me what's wrong?
Don't care if your explanations short or long
I just want something to hold on to
I want to know what's going on
So baby I'll be singing this song
Over and over again
Until you tell me.....
What's Wrong




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Fire..This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm:
I love the title- it fits so well with the piece, and catches your eye. The poem itself is raw and well crafted. the sentences seem a little broken up, but I think that's because of TI's formatting. It's a little short for a song, but I can totally see it as a first verse/ chorus thing... overall- 5 stars.
 
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Clg1688 said...
Apr. 6, 2012 at 3:07 pm:

I like this!

I can relate to it actually. 

This sense of frustration is what I'm getting from the poem.

:)

 
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TwinnBears27This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm:
I think you did a good job with this poem. On a level, I could almost see what was going on. That said, I think it you would have been able to make an amazing connection if was just a little longer and was more descriptive. Still, I liked this. 
 
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Reignbow.Rebel said...
Mar. 5, 2012 at 5:37 pm:
This was amazing! Thpugh you should lengthn it! I wish I could here it in real life! Good job! :D
 
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