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Swallow Fright

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Inside your mind, you know
You’d give anything to find something
Not so red-rose, blue-violet, yellow-sun,
But black-night, bar fight, all-for-one

To all the memories in this place,
Find a new person to show your dark face
All of these photos develop in me feelings I hate
It’s such a shame, loving you seems to be my fate

This mask we wear to the world,
We are together to be each others’ cure
Swallowed up together in night,
I love you so much, I’ll swallow
Your pain and be your
Goddess to scare away fright




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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

vampluv11 said...
May 18, 2010 at 1:49 pm:
thanks! ^^ same here (it's 9th period now...), but ill try to read your stuff tomorrow!
 
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JoetheBlanc said...
May 10, 2010 at 9:46 am:

this seems like a choppy poem... i don't mean to want to tear you down, but the second stanza was just flat out confusing!

"develop in me feeling i hate" seems like it's missing a comma....

the rhyme's a bit choppy. the bell just rang, but i'll review you other stuff soon :)

 
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vampluv11 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 10:34 am:
oh, and about the rhyme scheme- i know! im not really all that good at them, and id hate to write a poem with a/b/a/b or a/a/b/b rhyme schemes. so i try to make it rhyme, but i also try to make it not rhyme... right... um..?
 
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vampluv11 said...
Dec. 16, 2009 at 10:32 am:
yeah, I was talking about the Amy Lee of Evanescence! yah, no idea how to spell it either TT^TT
 
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QuestionAuthority1128 said...
Dec. 15, 2009 at 7:40 pm:
This poem was very moving! I'm a little confused with the rhyme scheme though (the pattern of writing). Like the middle paragraph goes a,a,b,b. But the first paragraph is a, b, c,c. and the last paragraph is a,a,b,c,d,c. Did that make any sense? Sorry, I can't really think of another way to put it. Anyway, good job and keep on writing :)
 
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BelmaH. said...
Dec. 15, 2009 at 12:33 pm:
this is good. if you're talking about Evanescence's (did i spell that right?) Amy Lee, then i must add-SHE TOTALLY ROCKS!!! good poem, i loved it.
 
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LaylaViolet said...
Dec. 15, 2009 at 11:55 am:
wow. This one is way cool Is Amy Lee famous or just someone you know?
 
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