I wish he knew how I felt

October 29, 2009
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I wish he knew how I felt

So, there’s this boy and everything about him is amazing.
He’s the boy that all the girls want to date.
He’s the one that I dream about all alone at night.
Sometimes when I think about him, it makes me want to cry,
because he doesn’t know how I feel.
He’s beautiful in everyway
and it hurts to see him with other girls that aren’t me.
When I see him, we say hi and occasional give each other a hug
and when we do I just don’t want to let go.
It hurts me to see him upset and when he was going through tough break-ups;
I was the one whose shoulder he was crying on.
Yes, that’s right. I’m the best friend.
The one he “secretly” likes but doesn’t have the guts to say it out loud.
The one he calls at 3 o’clock in the morning for advice on girls
or because he’s fighting with his girlfriend
or he just simply wants to talks.
I’m the one who’s screaming your name inside my head
and writing in my journal how much I really care about you
and want to be with you more than that brat of a girlfriend you have now.
She doesn’t see him the way I do.
She just sees him as a guy to date.
She doesn’t really love him like I do.
She’s the girl that most people adore
when all I want to do is knock her down on the ground.
People think she’s little miss perfect
but I see her for who she really is… a phony.

Anyway, back to him.
He’s the sweetest thing ever and I totally adore him.
We’ve known each other for so long.
we know everything about each other there is to know.
He tells me his guy secrets and I tell him my girl ones.
I ask him why guys are jerks when they like someone and
he asks why girls are too shy to make the first move.
I wish he knew how I felt.
I want to be the one he holds at night,
telling me that I’m the only one for him and
that he will never let me go.
I want to walk in the hall holding hands in front of everyone
to show that I’m with him.
To be the girl that he tells all his friends “yes, she’s my girlfriend”
or when talking to another boy he says
“she’s taken, she’s with me”.
I’m tired of all the pain and ache he gives me.
I just want to scream at the top of lungs that I love him.
This boy makes me cry more than he makes me happy
because I cry over and over again because of him.
Why do boys have to be so difficult?
Why can’t they tell when a girl is madly in love with him?
Girls don’t want to have to blurt it out and tell them;
they want to make it a game and play around with them
while they boy figures it out.
I wish he knew how I felt.
I’m tired of holding this inside my head.
Why do I sit and listen to him talk about other girls
when all I want him to say is “I Love You” to me.
For him to see me in sweatpants with no make-up and a messy bun
and tell me I’m beautiful.
Sometimes I wish we were the only two people left in the world
so we would have to be together.
He’s perfect and I can’t take it anymore.
We have so many memories together as kids and now teenagers.
I want to have many more memories with him;
ones that we could share for a lifetime.
Sometimes I wonder though if we ever did date,
that it might ruin our friendship that we’ve had for so long.
What if we broke up and stop talking?
Would we still be friends?
Who would he go to for girl advice and talk on the phone at 3 am?
Dating him or not dating him I’m still crying over him.
I wish this was simple but it’s much more than that.

He is perfect and now that I think about it?
Why would he want to date someone like me when he is so perfect?
He could get any girl he wants,
so he would never want to go out with me.
I mean I’m just an average teenage girl and
he’s this perfect guy with absolutely no flaws to him.
Why does this have to be so hard?
I don’t think he even sees me as his girlfriend.
He probably just sees me as the girl he can always depend on,
to be there when he needs advice
or just someone to hang out with.
The girl that he makes plans with to hang out
on a Friday night to watch movies as friends do
but cancel on you because he’s got a date
with this really pretty girl he just met.
I wish he knew how I felt.
In his eyes, I’m still just the best friend
but in mine I see a totally different world.
In my eyes, I see us holding hands, walking down the hall in school
or even walking on the beach just being together
and in his, he just sees the neighbor he can call
to copy to the history homework.

I wish it was that simple.
I wish I could just go up to him and say “I like you,
I always have and always will
and I can’t stop thinking about it and I want to be you”.
This boy drives me insane.
I wish my life was like a fairytale because
then I would already have my prince charming and
we would already have our happily every after,
but not in reality.
In reality, I would have to save myself and
I would have to save myself in situations and not wait around for him.
He’s beautiful in everyway.
He’s the sweetest thing ever and I totally adore him.
I want to have more of those memories with him.
Maybe I should just forget about liking him and
move on to someone else.
But do I really want to go through the pain in finding someone else?
I don’t know-maybe.
Every time I close my eyes, I see his face.
Then I have this urge to hear his voice, just to know that he’s there.

So, there’s this boy and everything about him is amazing.
Maybe one day we will be together or
Maybe we will just stay friends forever.

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Lonleydandy said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 8:17 am
I LOVE THIS POEM!!!!!! It is really pretty, and has a lot of meaning behind it...amazing job!
Brittany D. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 24, 2009 at 7:34 am
oh thanks :)
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