Is it sad that I'd rather be picked on because Im different, rather than being ignored cause Im the same. Sometimes I feel so ignorant and Im the only one who I can think to blame. It's such a shame that people can see that I have a hard time, being me and it's really been laying on my mind cause sometimes some things need to change. But when you change everyday for someone who doesnt even know who you really are, that's when you've takin it too far. I sometimes wonder if it would make a scene if I went into public areas and didnt say one thing. Do any of my words even mean anything? Why is it so hard to be who I wanna be around those that are close to me? Like if I were to use my voice it would put me in danger, but I can feel free around a stranger. The ones that I love are the direction of my anger. But would you accept me if I didnt try to be you? If I didnt do what you do so everyone could understand that I dont wanna be cool. I dont wanna act a fool just to get some attention. My life was in balence but now its hanging in suspension now that I have fouind the reason why I feel like my life is so out ot of line. Is it sad to say that I probably wouldnt feel this way if I saw counselers 3 to 4 times a day? Should it bother me that its hard to pardon a part of me thats been hidden so long that even in the right light that side of me is too dark to see? I should honestly just probably start being who I am instead of a wanna-be. I guess what Im askin is how come I cant write without a passion but I can live life without makin my own fashion statement. My placement in my mind is vacent. I feel like someone else has takin control and you could only see this if you could see my soul.
Sad To Be
September 13, 2009