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If Life Were A Wish...

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If life were a wish
I would wish it all the same
Because in the end
Life is one big game
And the hand that you're dealt
Carries the people that you love
And I remember how I felt
After every single hug
So for your information
I don't want a wish
I'd rather stay the same
In the life I was dished




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EMarieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 12, 2012 at 10:23 pm:
I liked it a lot; it was short and to the point but withheld a deeper meaning. i agree with dolphincrazy226. It's a challenge to do that, but you managed it fairly well. Good job and I hope to continue reading more of your work.
 
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dolphincrazy226 said...
Sept. 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm:
they say short poems are the hardest to write because you have to much to say, and yet need to pack it all down.  kudos to you, you did a great job keeping the rhyme scheme up with the rythm. and the message rings clear:)  though i do question that last word "dished"  i know it might have been hard to find a rhyme, but it just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but the imagery is sound:)  great job and keep writing!
 
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dolphincrazy226 said...
Sept. 12, 2012 at 6:42 pm:
they say short poems are the hardest to write because you have to much to say, and yet need to pack it all down.  kudos to you, you did a great job keeping the rhyme scheme up with the rythm. and the message rings clear:)  though i do question that last word "dished"  i know it might have been hard to find a rhyme, but it just doesn't fit with the rest of the poem, but the imagery is sound:)  great job and keep writing!
 
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ToraNoKageThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 12, 2012 at 6:35 pm:
Well...the idea definately has merit it in. It could use a little work, but I like how you put it. 4/5 stars
 
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Skyrim said...
Sept. 8, 2012 at 6:51 pm:
coolio i think it was rather intresting.
 
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TraceSinAndBones This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm:
To be honest, the rhyming is, well, not so good in this. The premisce is good, I just think it could be more flushed out that it is.
 
Ruby-Paige-Rose replied...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 7:26 pm :
Thanx. I thought so too:)
 
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Astatine said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 5:40 pm:
thats really good..its short and sweet and rhymes
 
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ChoirgirlThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 3:56 pm:
This is great.  and a good way to sshow that you enjoy what you have in life.
 
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JunieSparrowThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 3:43 pm:
You're rather cynical!  But sometimes its best to be happy with what we have.  I like your rhythm; you could almost put it to music.     
 
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Ms.IntroThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 2:12 pm:
Very Nice, I really like it! :) Paige
 
Ruby-Paige-Rose replied...
Sept. 7, 2012 at 3:38 pm :
Thank-you!
 
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